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Episode 45: Twisted Pair (2018)

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Wow.

Just…wow.  Just when you’d thought you’d seen the pinnacle of Stink, here comes a tidal wave of surreal to wash all your previous convictions away forever.  A masterpiece of the WTF, Neil Breen‘s Twisted Pair achieved what we here at the Indie Film Cafe did not think was possible: a second season sweep of the stinkiest moovies we cud watch, and yet an-udder perfect Stink Score – AND, given that there were actually 6 viewers on our end-of-the-year-pajama-party-stinkfest, and ALL 6 of them awarded 10’s, then my friends you have what can only be seen as the perfect Stinky moovie.  To keep things the same s Season 1, we’re only taking the first 3 scores, but even so, this cow is here to tell you that Twisted Pair is a very, very special film – check out our final PODCAST of 2019 to hear it for yourself, and gape at the awe inspiring wonder of Neil Breen!
:=8O

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Ummm…are those really chains, or linked paper clips??

So….just what exactly is Twisted Pair all about?  I have no friggin’ clue.  Literally.  All 6 of us were lost in the sauce with this one, and ohh what a weird sauce it is too!  Ok, some basic stuff we can put our hooves around: there are 2 twin brothers, Kade and Kale; Kade is the good one and Kale (the one with the magnificently fake beard) is the bad one.  Both of them are ‘more humanoid’, whatever the hell that means, and have special powers, but where Kade does a great job, transposing himself into images of leading troops into battle, Kale is evil and bad and some kind of assassin/drug dealer (he sells programmable matter???) who likes to capture CEOs and pretend to torture them.  Their half-hearted moans of (Pain? Slight Discomfort??  Sexual arousal???)…somethin’ is genuinely puzzling.

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Did I mention really bad beards??

Ummm, so, stuff happens, kind of.  What  exactly, I’m really not sure.  Much of the film takes place in what can only politely be described as a local community college, probably somewhere in or near Las Vegas, which is the heavenly body around which Neil Breen floats, like the eye if some drunken, insane Cthulhuian elder god.  There are fake cgi explosions a-plenty, plastic rats who eat crumbs from a bum who never figures into the story,  group of ceramic cats which re-position themselves seemingly at will, and for no explainable reason, plus Tinker Bell, really fake CGI “jumps“, weird acid-soaked lavender backdrops, also for no discernible reason – and so, so much moore! And once again, because we cannot put too fine a point on it, sooooo many bad, terrible, awful fake beards and mustaches!!!  Ok, I know that isn’t much of a plot description, but trust me its kind of like trying to make actual lemonade out of torn bits of incorrectly drawn and bizarrely colored pictures of lemons from the 4th dimension, according to  bind alien who has never seen actual lemons.  Oh, and there is an eagle too!

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Kewl Photoshop Eagle must mean something….

Tens all around.  Perfect 30.  What moore can be said?  And just when you thought nothing cud top Actium Maximus!!!

:=8O

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Well, check out the trailer HERE, but be aware it is literally the tippiest tip of the stink iceberg.  Folks, if you want a copy of this moovie for your cowllection, and I sincerely hope you do, then the ONLY place you can get your hot little hooves on this masterpiece is through the man himself, via THIS WEBSITE.  Trust us, it is oh-so worth it!  It is on the Facebook too.  Some ind soul is selling it on Etsy as well, but I dunno that it is the official version, so beware.

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I am amazing!

Bow down to your new Master, for he is Neil Breen, and there is a little Neil Breen inside all of us screaming to get out.  Buy this film.  Absorb this film.  You will not regret it.

Can Neil Breen make it 3 in a row for season 3 at Indie Film Cafe??  Stay tuned and find out!

;=8)

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