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Episode 21: Santa’s Slay

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He’s making his list, and he’s checking it twice, he’s gonna kill everyone, naughty AND nice!
:=8D
Yes, nothing says home for the holidays quite like a homicidal axe-murdering demon Santa riding a Viking longboat-sled pulled by an enormous furry hell beast bison.  Just like Dr. Seuss and Charles Dickins wrote!  Bill Goldberg plays the aforementioned Kris Kringle demon from hell, cranky from 1000 years of kid’s letters begging for toys, and so he returns to Hell Township to give the pasty-faced denizens what-for, and the likes of Fran Dresher, James Caan, Rebecca Gayheart, Dave Thomas, and Saul Rubenik get turned into lumps of coal.  Fortunately, our two young friends, played with aplomb by Douglas Smith and Emilie de Ravin, with a little help from an angle played by Robert Culp (if you can believe that!) finally saves Christmas and the day!

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Uhh, Dave Thomas, this is NOT the ride you want!

if you have the Christmas blues, or are just a Grinch at heart, you’ll cheer on Bill Golberg‘s slayin’ Santa – check out what the Indie Film Cafe folks had to say about this one on their latest PODCAST!  Right from the demented opening you know yer in for a treat.  And there’s even some hot and heavy curling action!  And YESSSS, we know we should have saved this moovie for December, but who doesn’t like to have a peek at their presents a bit early?
;=8)

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I think the kids liked their gifts, Honey!

Overall, the Indie Film Cafe kids thought Santa’s Slay wasn’t too naughty or too nice: Moody gave it a 3, while Just Jenn and the MooCow tossed in 6’s, putting this holiday holocaust at 15 on the Stinkometer – which is middle of the pack!  That’s an average Stink Score of 5!  Not too shabby!

Stinky Score 5

Trailer, right HERE.  Enjoy the Alice Cooper hairspray-N-spandex metal theme song for the moovie HERE.  AND enjoy the kewl Futurama version HERE.  Want the DVD nooch?  Get it at Amazon.  And Target.  And Wally World.  There’s a fun little article HERE about cow Bill Goldberg met his wide on the set of the moovie!

Just one moore moovie to go for Season One – I wonder what it cud beeee??

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if you thought Santa was rough, wait ’til you get a load of MY tail feathers!

 

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Episode 20: Rat Pfink A Boo Boo

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FIGHT CRIME!!!!
:=8D
The rallying cry of possibly the greatest superhero duo in all film history!  Well, they were certainly the cheapest costumed heroes of all time.  For pure silly, whimsical fun, its really hard to beat this oddball whackadoodle comedy superhero moovie featuring hot (for 1963) singer Lonnie Lord and mild mannered gardener Titus stepping into a closet to become the mighty Rat Pfink and Boo Boo!  Clearly both an homage and a send-up of the early 60’s Batman tv show, with a bit of the Monkees and a generous portion of Richard Lester’s manic musical clips a la Help and A Hard Day’s Night, this Ray Dennis Steckler masterpiece jolts the audience from its serious opening third to the unexpected over the top romp that is positively hi-larious!  Check out our latest podcast to hear the details!

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Our heroes!

Seriously, your sides will split with laughter when you see these cheaply bedecked ‘heroes’ fly down the Hollywood suburban streets in their little scooter and sidecar, the Pfinkmobile, fighting crime.  Toss in 3 evil no-goodnicks, the amazingly lovely Caroline Brandt as Cee Bee, and a rockin’ surfy rockabilly soundtrack provided by Ron Haydock and the Boppers, AND a special appearance by Kogar the Gorilla (Bob Burns), and you have absolute indie and cult moovie GOLD!

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Ape!  Drop That Girl!

Well folks, we have a new low score for Season one, as Moody, the MooCow, and Just Jenn all gave Rat Pfink A Boo Boo fairly low scores, respectively a 3, a 2, and a 2.5, for an overall total Stink Score of 7.5, and a Stink average of only 2.5!  What a moovie!

Stinky Score 2

As usual, we have trailers!  anna see what all the fuss is about, then head over to Amazon to git yer hooves on a copy for yerself!  And Youtube is full of moosic from the film, and from Ron Haydock, who played Lonnie Lord/Rat Pfink, so check those out as well!.  And check out this whey kewl promotional film IN COLOR showing Rat Pfink, Boo Boo, Cee Bee, and Kogar at a local supermarket in LA!  The film and its moosic continue to inspire moosicians and artists from all over the spectrum!  Ray Dennis Steckler himself has inspired many podcasts, actors, and folks in the indie film scene, such as actor and writer Ron Jason.  You can find a touching tribute to the man HERE with pictures from his days in the Army, early behind the scenes shots, and of course many shots of Ray with his loving family.  And check out Ray’s fun and wacky short silent film homage Goofs on the Loose, long lost but rediscovered and on the Tub of You!

If our podcast gets you to see one flick from this season, Rat Pfink a Boo Boo just might be the one to see!  Help our caped heroes FIGHT CRIME!!!
:=8D

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Episode 19: Ankle Biters

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Three feet tall/Two inch fangs!! Three feet tall/Two inch fangs!!

Yes, that is the world famous mantra of Indie Film Cafe’s latest stinkfest, known as Ankle Biters – because there’s a gang of midget vampires and they can only reach your ankles, get it?  Actually, they prove they can pull down fully grown adult men and then bite them, but why do they have to bite them on the ankles???  There aren’t baby vampires (I wish!).  I dunno, but if yer looking for some hot and heavy midget vampire action (and honestly, who isn’t?), then this moovie has…well, some,  Moostly its about this grumpy anti-hero part-vampire named Drexel who is trying to stop the lil’ guys from making a full-sized vamp from a gem in a plastic sword, because lil’ vamps can only turn midgets into vampires – who knew that?

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We is Fierce!  Now Gimme Yer Ankles!

So Drexel (played by Writer/Director/Producer Adam Minarovich) and his little buddy T-Bone join force with some other dudes who also want to kill vampires (can’t we all just get along?) for reasons – the moovie is so dark and the sound is so dim we are sure things happen for some kind of reason, we’ll just be darned if we know what they are.  Under-developed, lacking humor, and suffering from some fairly bad post production, check out the Indie Film Cafe folks as they moan and groan their way through this gem in their latest PODCAST.

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These fake fangs hurt!

Well, these guys might be small, but they are big on the stink scale!  Moody awarded this flick an 8, while Just Jenn and the MooCow gave it 8.5s, for a total stink core of 25!  The MooCow might have awarded the film a bit moore, but he fell asleep into his massively buttered popcorn towards the end.

Stinky Score 8

We’ve got trailerage right HERE!  To git yer hooves on a dvd copy for your very own self, check out AMAZON , or sometimes they have it at BULL MOOSE.  And check out Adam Minarovich’s udder stinky classic Wiseguys VS Zombies for moore fun!  And of course you can see him in on AMC’s the Walking Dead.  And for those of you who simply cannot get enough of that slammin’ Ankle Biters theme song (you know who you are!), we present it to you HERE, in all its glory.

Ok, Ankle Biters might be a stinky midget vampire flick, but don’t sell it short – give it a little chance, and it just might work its way into your heart!
;=8)

 

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Episode 18: Fateful Findings

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Well, I knew it was going to happen.  I knew it was going to happen.  Yep, I always knew it was going to happen.  So sorry, folks, you caught me Breening!  And that’s because those poor schlubs at Indie Film Cafe finally got around to watching a Neil Breen film, the one and only Fateful Findings!  And if it ain”t a magical day, then it sure is a crappy one!

This epic failure stars Neil Breen as pretty much himself: the greatest hacker/writer/human being with alien super powers the world has ever seen.  We know this is true because the great man wrote, directed, produced, starred in, and pretty mooch did everything apart from wear a dress and play the female leads in this flaccid flick!  And my oh my did the 10’s come a-flyin’!  Remember when you thought Roller Gator was bad?  Remember when you thought Barn of the Blood Llama was bad???  Neil Breen is the king, all other must bow down before the master!  Check out the latest Indie Film Cafe podcast and witness the torture the MooCow has in store for his poor, unfortunate film buddies.  It’s a magical day!!!!!

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I can’t believe you used all that raspberry sauce, i can’t believe you used all that raspberry sauce…

Yep, we got our first 10 here folks, and not only that but it was unanimous!  A clean sweep!  10’s across the board!  That means a maximum 30 out of 30 stink points, and behold: a new leader has emerged at the top of the Stinky Movie Scoreboard, dominating the Stinkometer like no udder film has in season one!  Yep, we got our first 30, folks, but the big question is – will it be Season One’s last???

Stinky Score 10

 

Git yer hot, steamin’ Fateful Findings trailer action right HERE!  Marvel at how deftly Neil Breen saves America right HERE!!  Witness the intense acting that comes from a simple sip of coffee HERE!!!  Dying for yer very own copy of this amazing moovie?  Of course you are!  But you’ll have to get it right from the source, ’cause its not even on Amazon these days.  Never in history has $25.95 plus shipping and handling been moore wisely spent!  Check out the great man’s Twitter page as well, he’s always got a handful of dvds and blu ray to sell you!  And check out this scha-weeeeet Neil Breen-inspired digital art at Redbubble!  Or if you have some Danish Kroner lying around (and who doesn’t?), check out this kewl Danish Neil Breen Etsy store!

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Kiss it!  Kiss the filthy mask!!!

I’m not certain this slop bucket cud ever be topped folks, but here at Indie Film Cafe we are keen to try, and if its out there you can bet dollars to doughnuts that we’ll find it for you!
:=8D

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Episode 17: Birdemic Shock & Terror

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Head for the hills, its the birds!  No, not the classic Hitchcock moovie, far, far from it!  This is Birdemic: Shock and Terror, James Nguyen‘s fabulously terrible, weird, and incompetent masterpiece from 2010, and there are very few birds this like this turkey in the world!  Part Eco-morality tale, part clumsy CGI-ladened bird-horror flick, Birdemic is 100% full of stink.  Starring Rod the Puppet, Natalie, the dopey chick who adores him, a solar panel salesman, the unfunkiest black performer in the history of moosic, and a bunch of barely mooving, cheap, shrill, and annoying CGI birds.  Check out the latest Indie Film Cafe podcast to see if this flick is the worst one yet in a season just brimming full of stink!  You’ll just want to applaud…forever.

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What the hell???

Between the amazing special effects, the top notch production values, and amazing acting, the MooCow isn’t sure this flick can be topped!  Ever!
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Well, at least Whitney Moore has gone on to bigger and better things, like Birdemic 2: The Resurrection and Another Yeti Love Story!  Poor Whitney…

Well, there you go, kids: The MooCow, Moody, AND Just Jenn all agreed 100% on this one, giving the mighty Birdemic 9.5s across the board, making this flaccid flick the highest ranking moovie on the Stinkometer Scoreboard so far, with a total Stink Score of 28.5 – out of a maximum of 30!  And you thought Barn of the Blood Llama was bad!

Stinky Score 10

 

If you can stand it, HERE is a trailer – don’t say you weren’t warned!  To git yer hooves on a dvd copy of this stinker, head on over to Amazon.  If you’d rather see all of the moovie’s glory in fabulous high def Blu Ray, and who doesn’t, then head over HERE.  Or go right to the source and git yer copy from the Severin Films website.  Or get the high-sterical Rifftrax version at their website.  And with Cowlloween cowming up, who wouldn’t like to wear a nifty Birdemic costume??  And any real fan would love this kewl Alan Bagh (Rod the Puppet) political poster, so they can gaze at his wooden beauty every day!

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Tora! Tora! Tora!!!

The Indie Film Cafe kids say enjoy this crappy, fowl-feathered stinker, but be careful where you fuel up!
;=8)