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Episode 108: C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud (1989)

Speaking of unfunny crappy rip-off moovies, well we have CHUD II: Bud the CHUD, a brainless zombie ‘horror-comedy’ from 1989 which is sadly lacking in both.  :=8P But WAIT, there’s gonna be a dust-up down here in Indie Film Café studios, because it turns out SOME folks actually enjoyed watching this festering pile of cow flops, and hoo-boy is that gonna make for a discussion!  Jeremiah Morehouse returns to join the MooCow and Moody – check out the latest episode of Indie Film Café to see cow this episode wraps up!

This in-name only sequel stink bomb to the modestly successful original C.H.U.D. flick about a group of cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers (CHUDs!) doesn’t actually feature any in this film. Instead we have a single weaksauce dead guy nicknamed Bud who gets stolen from a ‘secure’ Army medical lab by some dopey teens, only to revitalize and cause ‘fun’ shenanigans as he bites his way through town and cause udder new zombies to appear; and of course the even stupider adults can’t keep up. Fans of the original moovie will note this is NOT cow it worked in the first film, since Bud is really a cheap unfunny zombie with a virus bite that will transform udders into zombies – the standard zombie trope established by Night of the Living Dead. Only in this one we have a cast of moostly washed up B-moovie actors and very minor celebs tossed in to make it seem wacky, but its moostly just dull and unfunny. This CHUD is a DUD!!!

The MooCow remembers well when this came out, and cow irritated he was at feeling ripped off – especially since the video art PROMISED actual C.H.U.D.s, and we got nothing of the sort. Like Tiny Tim, he felt this was just small and weak and pathetic and grossly unfunny – cowever, the MooCow seems to be in the minority opinion! DON’T GET ME STARTED!!!
:=8P

It was written and directed by David Irving, who was moostly noted for kiddie moovies and Disney bull-stuff, which probably explains the juvenile sense of humor. The horrifically mulletted Brian Robbins (Full House, Kids Incorporated, Growing Pains) is the star, who later went on to become head of Nickelodeon, AwesomenessTV, and finally head of Paramount Pictures – because, you know, mullet power. Robert Vaughn, at the tail end of his career, shows up, as does Larry Cedar, Jack Riley, June Lockhart, Larry Linville, Norman Fell, Sandra Kerns, Priscilla Pointer, Bianca Jagger, and Gerrit Graham as the titular Bud. The sharp-eyed will spot Robert Englund slinking away in shame for a brief mooment, probably trying to get his agent to change his bi-line to Allen Smithee. Just dumb bad forced comedy masquerading as a horror film.

Ok, the scores are in, and they are something – the MooCow and special guest Jeremiah Morehouse went with 8.5 and 8.0, respectively, while an annoyed Moody loved the stinky charms of this flick and awarded a 2.0 – personally I just think he has mullet envy. Anycow, that’s a total Stink Score of 18.5, and a Stinky Average of 6.2, putting Bud the Chud on the Ladder of Stink just below Bigfoot Wars, and just above Haggard and Airborne.

We got a trailer for you HERE. You can rent it on Youtube, if you really want to. Its on Prime Video too – and you can buy the dvd from Amazon, but it won’t be cheap. They also have it on vhs and blu ray (inexplicably). You can also pick up the blu ray at WallyWorld, and in the re-sale market on Ebay. Pick up the false advertising poster on Amazon and get the digital at Moviepostershop.com. TeePublic has 2 styles of tee shirts on offer for you, one with a still of Bud from the moovie on tees, hoodies, mugs, labels, and one with a cartoony image of Bud on tees’, hoodies, masks, and mugs that says yum yum yum. Mehhh. Tshirtczar.com has an alternative poster tee as well. The entire soundtrack is on Discogs, or buy it at Bandcamp. Buy the vinyl at Amazon.

Well, that about wraps it for this episode, and none too soon! Check back later for something new and stinky here at Indie Film Cafe!
:=8D

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Episode 107: Pirates: Quest for Snake Island (2009)

Ello Mateys… Arghhh you all ready…. Jonathan Moody here to talk about another movie I did without Paul. There’s been a few this season so far, and it gives Paul a bit of a break which he is most (or moost whichever you wanna go with) grateful for. In this episode I suckered two guests that have been on the podcast before but not together…. Colleen Tidd (Who you may remember from the Robowoman episode) and Jeremiah Morehouse (Who had done Deadly Prey with Sarah Adkins and me). This time I wanted to show a movie that I had only known about through trailers but had not seen before this podcast. It’s the Brett Kelly Canadian Pirate flick, “Pirates: Quest For Snake Island” and boy did we have a fun new show!

Sure this movie was independently made with sets that looked like just historical buildings they got permission (or maybe not) to use. It looked like a bunch of friends who wanted to make a pirate movie together. I mean it was 2009… Pirates of the Caribbean was still pretty hot then, wasn’t it? Brett Kelly is the main star of the film. Also the writer-director-producer. Usually you think of that as a vanity project but honestly this really wasn’t one. Brett’s character Blackjack Cutter is such a silly buffoon. Making childish decisions and gestures. He’s not one to just always win everything he does to show how amazing he is. For most of the movie you actually wonder if he’ll win in the end. 

One thing that really disappoints me and others is the lack of actual snakes in the movie Snake Island, and that is discussed. I mean something called Snake Island you’d think the place was crawling with them! But you know most of it is probably someone’s backyard! Of course what they lack in budget they make up for in silliness. Don’t get me wrong this is not a comedy but it has comedic elements, and it’s quite enjoyable. With only 76 minute running time the movie is a quick breeze to watch. And you can tell all the actors were having fun in the roles that they were given. 

If you want to hear more about our feelings on this flick please listen to the review. And watch the flick yourself if you haven’t yet. 

And the scores are in… Jeremiah Morehouse and myself both gave it a 4, while Colleen went with a 3: she enjoyed it even more than we did. Giving it a nice total Stink Score of 11, which is fairly low, and ranks it with The Giant Spider on the Ladder of Stink. Not bad for a pirate flick, eh? 

Well now’s the fun time where Paul is gonna tell you all where to find this fun little movie! Take it away Paul… 

Well, for starters, you can see the trailer HERE. Seek ye Tubi to see it for free! The moovie has slithered its way onto Amazon Prime, if you;d like to watch it there. It is also on Google Play. Uncle Amazon also has a few dvd copies left too. You can also pick up a fairly cheap copy for re-sale on Ebay. Grab a digital copy of the poster on Cinematerial.com! That’s about it for the schwag, but they did cover this flick on No-Budget Nightmares!

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Episode 106: Knights of the City (1986)

Hey everybody!!! Jonathan Moody here again for another blog about the movie we reviewed. This time I was joined by two of my close friends who both have been on IFC separately but now they are on it together for the first time… John Ward and Madeline Deering. And boy did I show them something I don’t think they were expecting. Check out the latest Indie Film Cafe episode and see what we mean!

Knights of the City is pure 80s: The Warriors meets Flashdance, as I saw it called, and that is seriously the best way to describe it. A street gang made of some of the weirdest mix of people are arrested by the police (who apparently are in cahoots with another rival gang). In jail they start randomly rapping and oh my God is it glorious. Their rapping catches the ears of a drunk record producer who is looking for their next big hit. He tells them to come talk to him about a record deal.

Next morning the gang of rappers show up but he’s not available so they leave without giving their contact info. So the daughter of the record producer holds a contest to try and get them to come out. Which they do. The leader of the gang falls in love with the record producer’s daughter leaving his girlfriend behind and she leaves to go with the rival gang.

Lots of wackiness ensues and well you will either have to watch the movie or listen to our podcast to find out what else happens. Let’s just say you won’t really see the ending coming because it’s so out of left field and weird. In my humble opinion this was my type of 80s schlock. And it was way more exciting than a lot of the crap we usually see.

The acting was nothing necessarily to write home about but it wasn’t laughably bad either. The direction was just as good. I was pleasantly surprised by what they were able to do at most likely a small budget. And the writing was pretty damn spot on for an indie musical. Even some of the music was catchy! Def. had Madeline and I singing along (MooCow note: I would have been roasting in hell…).

So the scores were in and as you can expect Madeline and I gave it a really low score. I gave it a 3 and Madeline gave it a 3.5. While John Ward absolutely hated it and ripped it apart. He gave it a 10. Which makes this review very polarizing and shocking. I was not expecting John Ward to give it that – hell he gave Alien Beasts a 5! That means he’d rather watch Alien Beasts again than this movie. Haha! That gives Knights of the City a total Stink Score of 16.5, and a Stinky Average of 5.5.

Well now I turn it over to Paul who is going to tell you how you can get this flick!
Yo, dig the trailer homeboy! And you can find this joint for free on Youtube! Good luck finding a physical copy these days, its not even on Amazon! Copies do pop up from time to time on Ebay, so keep yer globes peeled. You can buy a non-USA region copy from the jolly ol’ UK at TwistedDanger.com, good luck getting it to work here unless you have a region free dvd or blu ray player. Check out the soundtrack, if you dare.

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Episode 105: Lycan Colony (2006)

Ok, we made a lot of ‘not lycan this moovie’ jokes on the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, and the MooCow is gonna stand behind ’em, because…well, the moovie was pretty bad, folks. Yep. Yep. I’m sorry, but the English language fails to describe just cow poor this moovie was made, although it was very fun for me seeing poor Moody and special guest Co-Host Angel Bradford suffer in agony and torment, because that’s the kind of guy this cow is…
;=8)


BTW Rifftrax covered this film too, and said this is the worst movie they’ve ever done.

So these two folks looking for their dad find a town of werewolves, as you do, and shits n gigs happen all around. There are some bad CGI effects, really bad werewolf costumes, a weird Native American animated scene, a witch, of sorts, a drunk doctor, a moving CGI neck tattoo, a very pesky AA sponsor who takes his charge to a bar, a distraught monkey eating pudding, and…well, who the heck knows, this moovie was shot in a puddle of dark, murky water through a pinhole camera, so you really can’t see anything, or hear anything clearly for that matter. It was produced, written, and directed by one Rob Roy (not the 1995 Liam Neeson flick!), and starred Rob Roy’s family and friends, and stunt woman Kristi Lynn as Athena the Annoying Not-a-Witch Who Licks People.

Trust me, there are things that happen in this moovie, you just won’t care about any of them because yer gonna be too busy shaking your head at all the weird, cheap, and just poorly done elements, mistakes, and bad choices in this flick. For example: WHY green screen an outdoor scene when you can easily (and cheaply) just shoot the damn scene outside somewhere in the woods? The sound is going to be synced in later anycow (or not, in this case), and yer certainly not trying to match any lighting in the rest of the film, since there is none. WHY use a clearly bad CGI tattoo instead of just drawing on a temporary one – heck, even a Sharpie tattoo would worked better than that shaky cheap digital mess! And those teeth…they are almoost as bad as Al Adamson vampire toothpicks, almoost! Cow is it, you ask?? NOT awesome! Akkk!

Well, the votes are in, and its pretty unanimous: Lycan Colony is a bona fide stinker, getting 10;s from Moody, the MooCow, and even sweet Angel Bradford wasted no time announcing her score – this sends Lycan Colony straight up into Stinky Heaven on the Ladder of Stink – moove over Neil Breen! That’s a Stink Total of 30, and a Stinky Average of 10. Gott in himmel, vas ist das stinken??? :=8O

Ok, this is a fake trailer, but its all we gots on this flick! You can watch it for free (apart from the bits of your soul that it steals…) on Tubi. Rumor has it that its on Roku as well, but I cud not cowfirm. You better believe there is a hilarious Rifftrax version out there too! Is hard to find a physical copy of this moovie, but it does pop up on Uncle Amazon, though it will cost ya! It also pops up on Ebay! The whole mess is actually based on a book series by Rob Roy himself, and you are free to purchase it HERE. I am not finding mooch Lycan Colony swag out there, but in addition to Rifftrax this film was also covered by Red Letter Media.

Just wow – do yerself a favor and check out Lycan Colony for some truly interesting entertainment, and enjoy a nice bowl of CHOWDAHHH while yer watching, it helps the weird CGI makes sense…
;=8)

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Episode 104: Taoism Drunkard (1984)

AKA Drunken Wu Tang! Welcome to a batshit crazy, over the top chop socky moovie from the Yuen Clan that has to be seen to be believed! AKA Drunken Wu Tang and Miracle Fighters 3, and featuring the infamous, moovelous, has-to-be-seen-to-be-believed Watermelon Monster!!! Buckle up, Buckos, and git ready for the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, where Moody, the MooCow, and special guest Co-Host Jolynn are amazed and cowfounded by this wackadoodle flick!

So, poor Ratface (who drives a foot-pedaled rat mobile!) is drunk, as usual, and damages his brother’s temple statue – and since his brother is the head priest, he orders Ratface to…ummmm…find a ‘Cherry Boy’ as on offering to the gods, not as a sacrifice, but to do some odd little dance to appease the gods, you know, as you do. So, off he goes on an epic adventure which leads to, among udder things, the aforementioned Cherry Boy (after auditioning a few children, some of which pull their pants down for him!!!), Granny (a Taoist witch, played by the same actor as Ratface, but with a deep voice), Old Devil/Master Ruthless (the villain of the moovie), his henchmen, including a flying scarf-wielding Princess/Starry Devil, Turtle Man and Fatty, a host of ghosts, goofs, and the infamous Watermelon Monster – plus a whole lotta chop socky action that kind of gets buried because yer spending so mooch time laughing at the wild antics you see on screen!

This is the third, and unfortunately the last, in the series of Miracle Fighters moovies made by the Yuen Clan, named after Simon Yuen who played Jackie Chan‘s teacher in the Kung Fu classic Drunken Master (1978). in a very amooosing subplot, Sugar Plumb, sister of Cherry Boy’s girl friend Shiu Fang, is advised by a “ghost” (actually Shiu Fang!) that she has to marry Ratface if she wants to be happy, and so moooch to Ratface’s chagrin she spends the moovie chasing after him while all the fighting is going on. If you can’t keep up with everything going on in the narrative, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter, just watching the wackadoodle antics on stage is entertainment enough for 5 standard chop socky films – and just wait ’til you see that Watermelon Monster!!!

Wow, everyone was amazed by this one, and it really generated some low scores! Moody went with a 2, the MooCow a 1, and Jo awarded the film a 3, giving Taoism Drunkard AKA Drunken Wu Tang a very respectable Stink Score of 6, which is a Stinky Average of 2 – on the Ladder of Stink this film ties Gamebox 1.0 with the lowest score on IFC! Viva Yuen Clan!!! :=8D

Check out the over the top trailer right HERE. Oooofta, this one is a hard one to find, you pretty mooch have to go overseas. But if yer willing to plop down a bit of scratch (and you SHOULD for this one!), then you can find the dvd at DVDPlanetStore.com, and in theory at least you can get an All Regions dvd right from Hong Kong from YESASIA.com – but I dunno what yer gonna get – someone buy one and let the MooCow know! You can download the digital version of the poster at MoviePosterDB.com as well as Cinematerial.com! That’s about it as far as swag goes for this film BUT legend has it that there is a 4th Miracle Fighter moovie out there, never released outside of Hong Kong, called Taoism Drunkard and the 14 Amazons – if anyone can get a line on this one the MooCow would be very interested indeed!
;=8)

If you love Shaw Brothers flicks, you will really enjoy this Lo Wei production as a fun, insane alternative comedy Kung Fu flick that literally does not have a single dull mooment! Bucket List moovie you have to see before you die – GO FIND IT!!!
:=8D