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Episode 46: Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

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Hey everybody, Jonathan A Moody here with a pretty fun show… Paul and I traveled across the country to move me to sunny beautiful LA. We are really excited about this because starting next month Paul and I will be splitting the show up. He will be doing it back at the studio in VA and I will be here in CA doing it. So expect some fun episodes a head.

So since I got all that all the way time to talk about the crazy movie we just watched… Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. I figured who better to have as our special guest than G. Larry Butler (You might remember him as Al Purplewood in the Double D Avenger)!

Larry had not had the pleasure of seeing Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers so it was great to have him watch it for the first time. And ohhh boy what a stinker!

It’s a fun movie from the glorious 1980s where B Independent Horror really thrived. Directed by shlockmaster Fred Olen Ray and starring two beautiful busty vixens Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer. And Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s Gunnar Hansen in a very creepy role. This film was pure cheese from start to finish.

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Told as though it were a film noir movie but in a very tongue and cheek kind of way this film had us laughing and drooling the whole time. However, there were a few slow spots through it. And the ending was a bit more lackluster than we were hoping for.

However if you are a B Movie maniac like us its one of those classic films you will wanna have in your collection. We will post links to how to get the Blu Ray which is packed full of amazing content.

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As for the score of the film Paul decided he thought it wasn’t nearly as bad as he’s seen so he had to give it a 6.5. I went a different way and decided it was still a terrible stinker and I couldn’t help but give it a 9. And our special guest G. Larry Butler split it down the middle and gave it an 8. Giving it a total of 23.5 which to start off the season isn’t too bad!

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To purchase your own stinky copy of it check it out right here…

https://www.amazon.com/Hollywood-Chainsaw-Hookers-Blu-ray-Special/dp/B00TKUST90/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Hollywood+Chainsaw+Hookers&qid=1578709115&sr=8-1

And join us next week for Paul’s episode… and trust us when we say… we are keeping it stinky!

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Sick Flick Productions

Horror’s never been so sick
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Episode 45: Twisted Pair (2018)

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Wow.

Just…wow.  Just when you’d thought you’d seen the pinnacle of Stink, here comes a tidal wave of surreal to wash all your previous convictions away forever.  A masterpiece of the WTF, Neil Breen‘s Twisted Pair achieved what we here at the Indie Film Cafe did not think was possible: a second season sweep of the stinkiest moovies we cud watch, and yet an-udder perfect Stink Score – AND, given that there were actually 6 viewers on our end-of-the-year-pajama-party-stinkfest, and ALL 6 of them awarded 10’s, then my friends you have what can only be seen as the perfect Stinky moovie.  To keep things the same s Season 1, we’re only taking the first 3 scores, but even so, this cow is here to tell you that Twisted Pair is a very, very special film – check out our final PODCAST of 2019 to hear it for yourself, and gape at the awe inspiring wonder of Neil Breen!
:=8O

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Ummm…are those really chains, or linked paper clips??

So….just what exactly is Twisted Pair all about?  I have no friggin’ clue.  Literally.  All 6 of us were lost in the sauce with this one, and ohh what a weird sauce it is too!  Ok, some basic stuff we can put our hooves around: there are 2 twin brothers, Kade and Kale; Kade is the good one and Kale (the one with the magnificently fake beard) is the bad one.  Both of them are ‘more humanoid’, whatever the hell that means, and have special powers, but where Kade does a great job, transposing himself into images of leading troops into battle, Kale is evil and bad and some kind of assassin/drug dealer (he sells programmable matter???) who likes to capture CEOs and pretend to torture them.  Their half-hearted moans of (Pain? Slight Discomfort??  Sexual arousal???)…somethin’ is genuinely puzzling.

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Did I mention really bad beards??

Ummm, so, stuff happens, kind of.  What  exactly, I’m really not sure.  Much of the film takes place in what can only politely be described as a local community college, probably somewhere in or near Las Vegas, which is the heavenly body around which Neil Breen floats, like the eye if some drunken, insane Cthulhuian elder god.  There are fake cgi explosions a-plenty, plastic rats who eat crumbs from a bum who never figures into the story,  group of ceramic cats which re-position themselves seemingly at will, and for no explainable reason, plus Tinker Bell, really fake CGI “jumps“, weird acid-soaked lavender backdrops, also for no discernible reason – and so, so much moore! And once again, because we cannot put too fine a point on it, sooooo many bad, terrible, awful fake beards and mustaches!!!  Ok, I know that isn’t much of a plot description, but trust me its kind of like trying to make actual lemonade out of torn bits of incorrectly drawn and bizarrely colored pictures of lemons from the 4th dimension, according to  bind alien who has never seen actual lemons.  Oh, and there is an eagle too!

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Kewl Photoshop Eagle must mean something….

Tens all around.  Perfect 30.  What moore can be said?  And just when you thought nothing cud top Actium Maximus!!!

:=8O

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Well, check out the trailer HERE, but be aware it is literally the tippiest tip of the stink iceberg.  Folks, if you want a copy of this moovie for your cowllection, and I sincerely hope you do, then the ONLY place you can get your hot little hooves on this masterpiece is through the man himself, via THIS WEBSITE.  Trust us, it is oh-so worth it!  It is on the Facebook too.  Some ind soul is selling it on Etsy as well, but I dunno that it is the official version, so beware.

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I am amazing!

Bow down to your new Master, for he is Neil Breen, and there is a little Neil Breen inside all of us screaming to get out.  Buy this film.  Absorb this film.  You will not regret it.

Can Neil Breen make it 3 in a row for season 3 at Indie Film Cafe??  Stay tuned and find out!

;=8)

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Episode 44: Jack Frost (1997)

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Hey everybody… Jonathan Moody here. Taking over for the Moo Cow on my episodes! December being close to Christmas I had to pick a film that would be entertaining for the season. So of course i picked the 1997 killer Snowman movie… Jack Frost… and it was a doozy of an episode. Not to be confused with the 1998 Michael Keaton turned Snowman movie… which is awful but in a less fun kind of way.

When I first picked it I thought man this movie may be lower on our stinkometer. But NOPE it definitely wasn’t. It got a pretty damn high rating.

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STOP…what yer doing and watch this silly killer snowman moovie!

The movie begins with science happening so of course we had our resident science expert Lenore with us. Paul and I had both seen the film but poor Lenore had no clue what she was getting in to.

The movie is about a serial killer named Jack Frost who was sent to be fried. And instead is turned in to a killer snowman and wrecks havoc on the small town of Snowmonton. Yes, you heard that right, Snow-Mon-Ton… Head slaps galore for that one.

The Sheriff of the town who is a little dopey was the one who caught Jack before so Jack is a little angry and decides to take revenge. But he has a but of fun killing whoever comes in his way… including a family who basically has nothing to do with the Sheriff.

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Nothing says intense hair-raising violence like a 4 dollar hair dryer…

We dive deep in to the science of the whole thing. And Lenore tells us some fun facts as to why this movie could never actually work… scientifically speaking.

Did I mention its the screen debut of the lovely Shannon Elizabeth! This was before she took her top off for American Pie.

Also there’s a truck full of… Anti-Freeze? Huh? Lots of head scratching in this one.

There is an actual sequel to this film that takes place in Hawaii. “A snowman in Hawaii how could that be?” I guess you’ll have to wait for Paul to torture everyone with that one on a later date.

The director of the film Michael Cooney actually wrote a really good John Cusack movie, “Identity.” But Jack Frost is what he’s pretty much well known for.

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I’ve been snow-balled!

As I was saying I was expecting a lower number for the score and Idk how Paul was the one who ended up scoring it less… giving the score an 8.5. Both Lenore and I gave it a 9. Giving it a rounded out score of 26.5. Not bad for a serial killer turned snowman seeks revenge story.

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Here is a trailer to this stinker. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oICtgsoSi6c  and if you like the trailer and want to actually see this stinkfest go buy the Vinegar Syndrome Blu Ray with special features on Amazon here:  https://www.amazon.com/Jack-Frost-Blu-ray-DVD-Combo/dp/B01M351207 Or if you just want to watch the movie you can actually see it on Amazon Prime if you have a Prime membership.

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Sick Flick Productions

Horror’s never been so sick
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Episode 43: Blood Freak (1972)

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Ahhhh, November; a light breeze holds notes of spices and warm happiness on the crispy, autumn air, portending family, friends, and a holiday celebration bursting with tasty food.  Cowversely, it also portends yet an-udder crappy TURKEY moovie here at Indie Film Cafe, and boy do we have a drum stick for you!  Yes, its the 1972 Brad F. Grinter classic Blood Freak, starring burned, ex-Spanish Tarzan Steve Hawkes as a square-jawed hippy turned into a gobbling turkey headed monster who drinks the blood of drug addicts, thanks to some schwag weed.  Oh yeah, folks, it is an instant classic!  With our Science Expert Miss Lenore wisely bowing out, it was up to Charlottesville’s own auteur-in-residence, Darkstone‘s John Johnson, to heroically stand in and face the howling gale of stink that is Blood Freak: check out the latest Indie Film Cafe podcast to see who survived an extra helping of TURKEY INSANITY!!!!
:=8D

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Gobbling…Turkey…Headed…Monster!!!

Poor Herschell – caught between good Christian girl Angel and naughty sexpot Anne, he gets caught up in partying, drug dealing, and experimental turkeys, and winds up both the victim and the antagonist in this monster moovie/Christian drug scare film that has to be seen to be believed.  Director Brad F. Grinter himself appears as the omniscient narrator, who coughs his way through the film, explaining everything by reading off of the script like it was no big thang.  The production levels are low, the acting is generally bad (in spite of the fact that Grinter was himself an acting teacher, and most of the cast were his students), and the special effects were poverty-row miserable.  Heck, even the one and only gore scene was pretty pathetic. and behold the Attack of the Howling Man-Woman!  :=8O

However, the film is the only moovie specifically endorsed by the Southern Baptist Convention for its positive Christian message to pray to god and avoid drugs.  At one point, during a supposed-drug party, a hippy sticks what looks like Chapstick up her nose, to ‘snort’.  Egads, even the dozens of black velvet tiger pictures were embarrassed at his point…

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Whattaya hangin’ around here for?  Get it, hanging around??  GOBBLE GOBBLE!!!

Yeah, this one just sorta left the whole herd shaking their heads in disbelief.  As for scoring, well Moody and the MooCow, both hearty stink vets, awarded Blood Freak 9.5s, while a highly amoosed John Johnson kindly awarded a 7.5, which generates a total Stink Score of 26.5, and a Stink Average of 8.8: very stinky!!!  :=8D

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Stuff yourself with the trailer for this gem HERE.  Some kind soul put the whole thing up on the Tube of You – check it out HERE.  COWever, if yer like me (and I sincerely hope you are not), and you prefer to have the physical medium to hold and cuddle to your chest, the head over to Amazon for the Special Edition dvd!  Copies also pop up on Ebay from time to time; Breast Buy has it in a dvd double feature with a 1973 film called The Pyx, with Karen Black!  And yes, you can still find VHS copies on Amazon, if that spices yer pumpkin.  And check out this nifty Blood Freak tee shirt from TEEPUBLIC!  The MooCow got one, you should too!  Get the classic poster at CineMaterial!  Teepublic also has a kewl Blood Freak MAGNET which would look very classy stuck on yer ‘fridge!  Finally, Temple of Schlock has a nice little remembrance site for the now sadly-departed Steve Hawkes.  He was truly a turkey for all seasons…

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Happy…cough, cough…Happy Thanks…cough cough…Giving!  Cough!

Well, if your family needs a hot turkey stuffed with craziness, you can’t really go wrong with a big ol’ heapin’ slice of Blood Freak.  Its a tasty treat of stink that has earned the Indie Film Cafe seal of approval – bring a copy to your next Thanksgiving feast, and see if anybody bothers to argue about politics again!
;=8)

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42a – Killer Tongue: Just One Moore Lick!

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Whatchoo lookin’ at, freak?

Well, we finally did it, we finally caught up Miss Lenore with the last stinky moovie than needed a third score, and now the Stinkometer is finally up to date with 3 scores for everything!  While Moody and the MooCow sort of liked this weird Spanish indie cult film, poor Lenore was having nun of it, and awarded the film a 9.5 – the same score she gave Actium Maximus!  WOW!!!  :=8O

Check out the latest mini-podcast to hear what Lenore had to say about this moovie, and maybe see if this tongue from outer space has grown on YOU…
;=8)

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Poor Johnnie didn’t PICK the right one…