The Indie Film Cafe Movie Reviews!

Need a lesson in rank disappointment? Behold 2009’s Killer Biker Chicks, a mooovie that shoulda been a whole lotta fun with babes, bikes, beatings, barroom brawls, and perhaps even boobage – but nooooooo, instead we’re talking total snooozefest that drove Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host Cayt Feinics (a babe in her own right!) to wailing despair. What a waste!!! Hear the Indie Film Cafe kids moan and groan over the latest podcast episode!

After 99 excruciating minutes the MooCow still doesn’t know what the heck was going on in this film – its like a biker big sister to Ankle Biters in that there are loooong stretches where you can’t hear or see anything clearly, and its way too easy to get lost in the chili sauce because you have no idea what’s happening. Sure, there skeezy, sexy biker babes with guns, but there needs to be moore than that! Plus, why are we spending so mooch time with Sheriff Dumb and Deputy Dumber? Seriously, a moovie with Trent Haaga (Easter Bunny Kill! Kill!, et al) and Sarah French (Zombie Pirates, et al) shoulda been a lot moore fun…

Look, we get it, its fun to do a jerky, unfocused throw-back grindhouse all-chick biker flick, like She-Devils on Wheels, and udder such drive-in fare of the good old stinky B moovie days, but even those were a lot moore interesting and better executed. Ted V. Mikels actually makes an appearance, and it just makes you yearn for some of the older biker/go-go dancer flicks (The Girl in the Gold Boots aside). Regan Redding (who plays Sheriff Dumb) is the writer/producer/director of this feeble flick, and if you don’t know him he was a production assistant on Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest, and….that’s about it.

Well, at least scoring was easy: 10’s from everyone! Just when u thought there would be no 30’s on IFC this year! Yeah, pretty mooch everyone agreed that Killer Biker Chicks was a long, dull slog that was absolutely not worth the effort. While this might tie such Neil Breen classics as Fateful Findings and Twisted Pair, this moovie isn’t nearly as fun or interesting as those.

Trailerage is right HERE. Yo can find the DVD at Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, Walmart and good ol’ Uncle Amazon; u can also find a copy in the re-sale market at Ebay. This cow cud not find any moovie-related swag (which is probably a good thing), BUT if yer enamored of the film’s soundtrack you can listen to it (and get your Glam Pussy on!) right HERE. There are a couple of tracks on Spotify too, for whatever reason. It was shot in Las Vegas (of course), and the Sun did a write-up HERE.

With a title like Killer Biker Chicks, we know yer gonna be tempted to git yer hooves all over that DVD, but that’s why the IFC kids are here, folks: watching bad, stinky moovies so you don’t have to! unless, of course, they’re a whole lotta fun! Sadly, this one is not, but proceed at yer own risk – don’t say you weren’t warned!

Its the ROOT of all evil!
:=8D

In which a huge, waddling, grimacing tree trunk menaces fake “natives” on a “Pacific Atoll” (looking suspiciously like Southern CA…), wreaking havoc and revenge. Slow, slow, sloooooowwwwww revenge. Join Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host adorable actress and Special FX maven Angel Bradford on the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, and see if this marauding mangrove’s bark is worse than its bite… ;=8)
TABONGA!!!!

Soooo, the Tabonga is actually a full-grown man-tree. Well, grown in 2 days: moost have OD’ed on those Miracle Grow spikes…Anycow, it comes not from Hell, but from the grave of a fake native, Kimo (Greg Palmer, “The Zombies of Mora Tau”), murdered by the native elders for hanging out with those awful American scientists. The scientists include Dr. William Arnold (Tod Andrews, “Hang ’em High”, “Beneath the Planet of the Apes”) and Professor Clark (John McNamara,”War of the Colossal Beast”). Rounding out the cast is Linda Watkins (“The Parent Trap”) as the obnoxious Mrs. Kilgore, the obvious comic relief spurting out an equally-obvious fake “cockney” accent. A stellar cast indeed!! Anycow, because his doughy, brain-dead wife, Korey, played amateurishly by Suzanne Ridgeway (“Love’s A-Poppin'”), helps set him up, Kimo declares his revenge on her and all of the elders. They kill him and bury him in a tree, as you do; then, the dopey American scientists uproot the tree, bring it back to life “in the name of science”, & allows it to SLOWLY amble about the island, killing off everyone who has done him wrong.

Of course, we all know that evil monsters carry off fair maidens, so the Tabonga grabs plucky female scientist Dr. Terry Mason (Tina Carver, “Hell on Frisco Bay”) & waddles off with her. Vine-ally, a good shot with a Remington hits a knife lodged in the Tabonga, and it falls over dead into the quicksand. This laughably foolish cowncept is one of the all-time cheesy howlers. The Tabonga is arguably the slooooowest monster in moovie history, right up there with the clanky, hopelessly over-built robot from Robot Monster vs the Aztec Mummy and the perversely slow carpet monster from Creeping Terror. Try not to laugh as you watch the Tabonga toss fake natives down hills & into quicksand, dodge spears, and lumber slowly about the “island”. Shady writing, wooden performances, and sappy direction all point that this pulpy fertilizer has far mooore bark than bite. This tepid pile of wood chips was the last hurrah from long-time editor-turned-director Dan Milner, who quickly vanished into well-deserved obscurity following this film.

Egads, the Indie Film Cafe kids really howled over this one! Moody went with an 8, the MooCow gave it an 8.5, and Angel Bradford went with 9, while admitting that she laughed all the way through the moovie – that’s a total Stink Score of 25.5, and a Stinky Average of 8.8!!! Dat’s one stinky flower! :=8D On the Ladder of Stink From Hell It Came ranks juuuust a shade below Jack Frost and Blood Freak, and just above a whole pile of stinky garbage. And check out Svengoolie‘s synopsis of the cast!

Oh yeah, this one is all over the Tube of You – check out the HD trailer HERE. And you can watch it for free on Tubi. There are plenty of places to pick up the physical media of this stinker – you can get both the Blu Ray and DVD from Uncle Amazon, as well as Barnes and Noble, and the DVD from Best Buy and Walmart. But to enjoy the Tabonga in all its ridiculous glory, you need to git yer hooves on the Blu Ray! Pick up the scha-weeeeet poster from Ebay, Redbubble, Etsy, and for a lovely framed version, Fine Art America.com . An equally scha-weeeeeet tee shirt can be found at Zazzle, Redbubble, and Teepublic.com. Pick up the de-lux tee at Cultcollectiblesonline.com. The Doctor’s Model Mansion has a fabulous full-color resin diorama that is to die for, cowplete with the Tabonga, his female package, the knife in the heart, and a voodoo doll! Teepublic.com has TWO styles of coffee mug, the classic yellow poster and a vivid green version! You can find one on Amazon as well. and Moore Monsters made a magnificent Tiki-mug of the Tabonga that just HAS to git into your moovie mug cowllection! Heck, u can even find great original art from time to time, ’cause that Tabonga is just soooo inspirational! And EBAY has all kinds of great From hell It came stuff!

Well, you herd it through the grapevine from the MooCow first: “From Hell it Came” is a compost classic, and a perfect cheesy stinker to put on during the holidays when yer planted on the couch with nothing to do but veg. We hope we have seeded your interest in this film, and that it will bloom into a full-blown bouquet of stinky fun for you!
:=8D

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Ok, its true that we here at Indie Film Cafe tend to focus on the stinkier side of indie films, but that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the good little indies that pop out from time to time, especially the ones that tend to fly udder the radar – and that’s just the kind of indie feature we have here for our NEXT EPISODE with Josh Becker‘s Lunatics: A Love Story (shot in 1989, released in 1991). Starring Ted Raimi, Deborah Foreman, and the always mooovelous Bruce Campbell, this is a fun, odd little indie that is worth gettin’ yer shovel out to dig dig dig up and find! Check out our podcast, with special guest co-hot actress Taylor Kilgore!

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Poor Hank (Raimi); he’s a nerdy crazypants poet who can’t leave his house because evil doctors, giant spiders, crappy early 90’s rappers, and udder things are totally out to get him, and without the protection of his aluminum foil wrapped apartment in LA he is totally done for. And this is just fine, until poor, sweet Nancy (Foreman), who is cowvinced that she is cursed and that everything she touches dies or is destroyed, actually shows up at his doorstep. Hey-presto, he instantly falls for her (well, she IS Deborah Foreman!), but she runs off, and Hank is left with the existential question of the era: does he stay inside where it’s safe, or venture outside his tin foil castle to get the girl back? And Bruce Campbell plays several roles in this fun indie, including a mad doctor and Ray, Nancy’s ne’er-do-well boyfriend. Plus CLAYMATION MOSTERS!!! Did we mention the bad rap moosic??

This is yer chance to see Ted Raimi as a lead, and he’s really good – he’s been in a ton of udder flicks (The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, Thou Shalt Not Kill…Except, Darkman, to name a few), but this is his cowming out party. Deborah Foreman was the IT girl of the 80’s (Valley Girl, Real Genius, My Chauffer, April Fool’s Day, etc), who all but vanished from the scene after this moovie and did not return until 2008 with Beautiful Loser – and the MooCow is very happy to see her back! We all know Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead franchise, Ash VS Evil Dead, Brisco County, Bubba Ho Tep, etc), although usually he is the lead, so its interesting to see him and Ted Raimi swap roles. Josh Becker has directed udder stuff too, including Running Time, Thou Shalt Not Kill…Except, Alien Apocalypse, and Harpies, as well as a pile of tv series episodes for Xena and Jack of All Trades.

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well, the votes are in, and the scores for Lunatics: a Love Story is pretty low! The MooCow chipped in with a 4, Moody went with a 1, and Taylor Kilgore went with a 5.5, which gives Lunatics: a Love Story a total Stink Score of 10.5, which is a Stinky Average of 3.5, which is some low hanging fruit! On the Ladder of Stink, this moovie ranks right up there with For Y’ur Height Only and Santa’s Slay! And after the season we’ve had here at Indie Film Cafe of soooo many near-30’s, its nice to have a pretty decent indie freshen up the place, at least until the MooCow drags in an-udder smelly stink bomb…
;=8)

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We gots yer trailerage right HERE. You can see the moovie for free on the Tube of You, and also it is streaming on CouchPop – but if you want the physical medium you can find the DVD by visiting yer old Uncle Amazon. For u fans Down Udder you can get the Aussie DVD HERE. Old school cowllectors of VHS can find there there too, and also Ebay. Someday we hope there will be a Blu Ray release – check back and we will update you with that info when we gets it! Good luck finding merch for this film, although the MooCow was able to eek out this original poster on auction HERE – maybe there will be moore, one can only hope. Here is a nice review of the DVD release on Starburst magazine, and an udder from Diabolique magazine.

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And here is a bit of fun fan art!

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Welcome to the 80’s, Stink Moovie fans! Yes, cocaine, Ronald Reagan, and parachute pants are not the only stinky relics of the era, so is the latest Indie Film Cafe’s episode: Rick Sloane‘s immortal Hobgoblins! And yer old pal the MooCow, Jonathan Moody, and long-suffering sidekick Just Jenn are all on hand to take a peek at this ridiculous puppet Gremlins rip-off that is at once hard to watch and yet a wonder to behold!

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Loser Kevin, his frigid girlfriend Amy, and their “friends”, the sex-crazed Daphne, meathead soldier boy Nick, and King of All Dorks Kyle all have to do battle with a bunch of furry little puppets that invade their home and pretend to offer folks their wildest dreams coming true, just before killing them. But honestly, the story takes a back seat to the horrible 80’s clothing, moosic, and styles, and of course FISH PICKER!!! Or is it PIG LIQUOR!!!! Doesn’t matter. Welcome to Club Scum, weirdos, let’s fight with rakes and dial up a 1-900 phone sex mistress while we pound those puppets! :=8D

While moost of the leads never went on to do anything else, we have seen udders in this film before. The ancient Mr. McCreedy is played by none udder than Jeffrey Culver, whom the IFC kids recently enjoyed in Nightmare Sisters, and also showed up in Bad Girls from Mars, Lady Avenger, and several of Rick Sloane udder stinkers, including two Vice Academy films. Here he plays a crotchety old coot that would make John Carradine proud, and is the guy who has been trying to keep the furry lil critters locked up. Skeezy 80’s teen telephone fantasy Fantazia was played by Tamara Clatterbuck (as Tami Bakke), who has also appeared in UFH, Battling Amazons, and on TV shows like Murphy Brown, A Different World, NYPD Blue, The X-Files, and Beverly Hills 90120, and who also appeared in Sloane’s Vice Academy. Good ol’ Duane Whitaker appears as the lovable Road Rash, the Club Scum bouncer with a heart of…rancid beef jerky? He appeared moost famously in Pulp Fiction, but also in Tales from the Hood, Feast, From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2, Halloween II (2009), and the Devil’s Rejects. And finally the adorable Kari French played Pixie, the Club Scum waitress on the make who can really dance! She also appeared in the stinky Wizard of Speed and Time, Dangerzone III, Wildling, Bad Love, and Repo Chick, and also was yet an-udder to appear in Vice Academy. You can’t say that Rick Sloane wasn’t loyal to his workers!

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While this is certainly a stinky film, the IFC kids definitely have some love for this crappy little flick too – Moody went with a 7 on the Stinkometer, while Just Jenn chipped in with a 6 and yer old pal the MooCow awarded a 6.5, giving Hobgoblins a total Stink Score of 19.5, which is a Stinky Average of 6.5! On the Ladder of Stink, that puts Hobgoblins tied with Octaman and the Double D Avenger!

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Check out the trailer right HERE. Check out the classic VHS tape from EBAY! And there is a NEW trailer for the Vinegar Syndrome blu ray release! The free uncut version is HERE. Its also on Tubi. BUT you can watch the hi-larious MST3K version for free on Youtube – but if yer a real fan do yerself a favor and plunk down some hard-earned weregeld for the awesome blu ray/dvd combo from Uncle Amazon! You can also buy it direct from Vinegar Sydrome HERE. A digital version of the awesome POSTER can be found at Cinematerial.com, as well as the Movieposterdb.com. Good ol’ ETSY has a Hobgoblins throw pillow, tee shirt, and poster sized print! And Cultcollectiblesonline.com has an awesome Hobgoblins Tee Shirt! And the glorious full-color shirt at Video Nasty’s has to bee seen to be believed!

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Yep, they just don’t make ’em like this anymoore! If you need to see a silly fuzzy puppet horror flick, or need to git yer 80’s thang on full-blown, then you NEED to find yourself a copy of Hobgoblins – you’ll be so happy you’ll dance like Daphne!
;=8)

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Badly written, threadbare, penny-pinching, micro-budget rip-off of Robo Cop, Robo Girl, Robo CHIC, Robo-Dog, and every udder Robo-moovie ever made, only worse: its amateur hour from the likes of Dustin Ferguson, the ‘talent’ behind such gems as “Meathook Massacre” I-IV, “Night of the Clown”, “Arachnado”, and a huge steaming pile of udder such rubbish puked out on a fairly regular basis, following the ‘more, not better’ credo of film making. This one stars a strange looking puppet, errrr, Dawna Lee Heising, a former dancer and model (many years ago) who also happened to nab a bit role in a real film (she was the dancer with the snake for about 2 seconds in Blade Runner; in the Hollybore indie cowmoonity, that’s enough clout to get you cast as lead in dozens of films, so it would seem, and the MooCow is certain we have not suffered though our last Dawna Lee Heising film, or our last Dustin Ferguson film for that matter. Egads! Check out Moody, the MooCow, and special gust co-host Colleen Tidd suffer and moan through our latest episode!

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So DLH plays Vivica, a temp on her last day on the job who gets asked out on a date by a homeless-looking Jonathan Nation (Death Racers, Megashark VS Giant Octopus, Mega Piranha); apparently he’s asked her out every week since he started, and refuses to take no for an answer, and rather than calling him a creepy stalker and spraying mace in his eyes she of course says SURE! because the script demands it and there would be no moovie if she had a molecule of common sense. Of course, scraggy Jonathan is up to no good, and ambushes Vivica in the dark, along with his buds and physically handicapped brother because, hay, special needs folks can be jerky faces too!

So, she is left for dead but her wooden roomie (Sue Price) figures out where she is, and sends an ambulance, and hey presto, she’s in a ‘hospital room’ (worst EVER!!!) udder the supervision of a quack scientist (old, reliable Mel Novak) who has seen waaaay too many Robo moovies ’cause he brings her back to life by turning her into a dangerous cyber robot thingy. And by robot thingy, I mean she wears a pair of plastic mono lens sunglasses and a very false-looking glove as her ‘cyber’ implants. I guess Hot Topic was charging too damn moooch for anything better. Then things and stuff happen, and Robowoman gets her revenge on the dumbass nogoodnicks in one of the longest hour and 10 minutes you’ll ever experience. Oh yeah, and Brinke Stevens shows up for about 2 minutes towards the end, the film’s only saving grace.

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Believe the MooCow, he has seen just about every Robo moovie out there, and this one is one of the worst, just plain awful, boring, cheap, and cringy in the extreme, not even good for a laugh or two. As a robo-hero, our DLH is a paunchy, older person wearing loud, gaudy clothes and waaaaay too much make up – who the hell did the make-up on this film, Pennywise?? – and she is simply painful to watch. Its as if some naughty drunk monkey took a copy of Robo CHIC and a copy of Sextette, tossed ’em into a blander, and pressed puree, and out this seeped, like a burst pustule.

Moody went with a 10, while the MooCow and poor shell-shocked Colleen Tidd awarded it 9.5s, giving Robowoman a Stink Total of 29, which was gives it a Stinky Average of 9.7. On the Ladder of Stink Robowoman is tied with Actium Maximus, Moody’s favorite moovie! Man, what a stench! :=8O

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There is a trailer: good luck. For those of you who love physical media you can find this flick at Amazon, Walmart, Oldies.com, and Target on DVD, as well in the re-sale market on Ebay. Its a Wild Eye Releasing, so you might get “lucky” and find it there too. You can stream it on Prime, an its haunting Tubi as well, like a malingering odor. You can download the poster at Cinematerial.com, and have DLH’s face stare down at you for all eternity. Have fun with that.

Cud this be the worse Robo-moovie of all time? Its pretty darn close, folks, that’s for sure – but don’t take our word for it, dig up this wretched wreck for yourself and see if the Indie Film Cafe kids are exaggerating or telling the truth but don’t say you weren’t warned!

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