Author: The MooCow

The title pretty mooch sums up the plot of this one: one “Flesh Gordon” does indeed meet the Cosmic Cheerleaders, all three of them, for about 5 minutes. In between a lot of weird shenanigans goes on, moostly involving cheap potty humor, boob humor, butt humor, penis humor, poo humor, etc. Dale Ardor, Flesh’s fiancé, is kidnapped by Robunda Hooters and the Cheerleaders because their planet’s men have been infected by Evil Presence’s “Impotence Radiation”. They believe Flesh is the possessor of “The Virile Force” and that he alone can stop the ray. EP soon learns this from Master Bator, Presence’s equally-deviant assistant, and so EP decides to kidnap Flesh, replace his penis with Flesh’s, thereby to become the only virile man in the universe.

Ummmmmmmm…..yeah.
:=8/

Check out the latest Indie Film Cafe podcast, wherein Moody and the MooCow are joined by Sarah Adkins, Cody Hancock, and actor G Larry Butler!

There’s about a million udder things going on in this weird, frisky little stinker, which is, strangely, a less adult sequel to a moore adult previous Flesh Gordon X-rated flick from 1974 (ahhh, porn in the 70’s, when everyone was hairy and pizza delivery was an experience!). Clearly moore heart and soul (to say nothing of moolah) went in to this effort because there are loads of cheap, but effective, sets, special effects, creature effects, and just overall weirdness to this one – that, plus the over the top performances of pretty mooch everyone made it a surprisingly fun stinker to watch – just remember to set your brain on “DUH”, and you’ll be just fine. And if you like singing poos….

Howard Ziehm wrote and directed this cowsmic stinker – he’s pretty mooch a porn guy, moost famously known for his sci-fi porn parody Flesh Gordon (check out a future Sexploitation Sleazecast podcast episode for moore of that!), and for silly 70’s porn titles such as Sexteen, Honey Pie, Sweet Cakes, and Hot Cookies, etc. He also wrote a book called Take Your Shame and Shove It, wherein he wallows unrepentedly in his years and years of creating and profiting from dirty filthy slime-and-snot-covered smut – we should all be so lucky! Aside from the bevy of porn stars and adult models, this flick also starred stuntman and kickboxer Vince Murdocco (Kickboxer II, LA Wars, Ring of Fire), William Dennis Hunt (Dr. Giggles, Critters III, Star Trek: Deep Space 9) as Emperor Wang (in BOTH Flesh Gordon moovies!), and Tony Travis (Ghost Warrior, Die Hard with a Vengeance, Hitch) as Flesh’s adventure buddy, Dr. Flexi Jerkoff.

Well, the scores are in, and while moost of the young’uns liked the film overall, Moody and the MooCow went with 8 and 8.5, respectively, while grumpy ol’ G. Larry Butler went charitable and scored it a 5, giving Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders a Stinky Total of 21.6, and that’s a Stinky Average of 7.2! Odoriferous, to be sure, but we’re smelled far worse on this program!

We have a trailer right HERE. Somecow this made it onto Netflix. U can git yer hooves on both the VHS and the DVD from good ol’ Uncle Amazon, but this cow has not seen a Blu Ray offered quite yet. and for you hardcore Flesh Gordon fans you can also get both the original Flesh Gordon and the stinky sequel packaged together on one DVD, with special full color moovie cards, right HERE! Strangely, u can also get this on Walmart. And also Target! You can also grab a copy from Movies Unlimited. On the re-sale market, check out EBAY. Get the moovie poster right HERE, HERE, and HERE. While we cud not find a new Tee shirt, you can get this nifty unused crew sweatshirt to rock from EBAY! Tee Public has the poster on a coffee mug – u know you want it! You can get it on a mouse pad too!

Overall, Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders is a ridiculous stinky sex farce that probably needs to be seen by everybody at least once in their lives, if only for shits n gigs. Check out THIS behind the scenes cowpilation if u can’t get enough Flesh Gordon! Because who doesn’t get a lil kick outta da Flesh Man??
;=8)

Need a lesson in rank disappointment? Behold 2009’s Killer Biker Chicks, a mooovie that shoulda been a whole lotta fun with babes, bikes, beatings, barroom brawls, and perhaps even boobage – but nooooooo, instead we’re talking total snooozefest that drove Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host Cayt Feinics (a babe in her own right!) to wailing despair. What a waste!!! Hear the Indie Film Cafe kids moan and groan over the latest podcast episode!

After 99 excruciating minutes the MooCow still doesn’t know what the heck was going on in this film – its like a biker big sister to Ankle Biters in that there are loooong stretches where you can’t hear or see anything clearly, and its way too easy to get lost in the chili sauce because you have no idea what’s happening. Sure, there skeezy, sexy biker babes with guns, but there needs to be moore than that! Plus, why are we spending so mooch time with Sheriff Dumb and Deputy Dumber? Seriously, a moovie with Trent Haaga (Easter Bunny Kill! Kill!, et al) and Sarah French (Zombie Pirates, et al) shoulda been a lot moore fun…

Look, we get it, its fun to do a jerky, unfocused throw-back grindhouse all-chick biker flick, like She-Devils on Wheels, and udder such drive-in fare of the good old stinky B moovie days, but even those were a lot moore interesting and better executed. Ted V. Mikels actually makes an appearance, and it just makes you yearn for some of the older biker/go-go dancer flicks (The Girl in the Gold Boots aside). Regan Redding (who plays Sheriff Dumb) is the writer/producer/director of this feeble flick, and if you don’t know him he was a production assistant on Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest, and….that’s about it.

Well, at least scoring was easy: 10’s from everyone! Just when u thought there would be no 30’s on IFC this year! Yeah, pretty mooch everyone agreed that Killer Biker Chicks was a long, dull slog that was absolutely not worth the effort. While this might tie such Neil Breen classics as Fateful Findings and Twisted Pair, this moovie isn’t nearly as fun or interesting as those.

Trailerage is right HERE. Yo can find the DVD at Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, Walmart and good ol’ Uncle Amazon; u can also find a copy in the re-sale market at Ebay. This cow cud not find any moovie-related swag (which is probably a good thing), BUT if yer enamored of the film’s soundtrack you can listen to it (and get your Glam Pussy on!) right HERE. There are a couple of tracks on Spotify too, for whatever reason. It was shot in Las Vegas (of course), and the Sun did a write-up HERE.

With a title like Killer Biker Chicks, we know yer gonna be tempted to git yer hooves all over that DVD, but that’s why the IFC kids are here, folks: watching bad, stinky moovies so you don’t have to! unless, of course, they’re a whole lotta fun! Sadly, this one is not, but proceed at yer own risk – don’t say you weren’t warned!

Its the ROOT of all evil!
:=8D

In which a huge, waddling, grimacing tree trunk menaces fake “natives” on a “Pacific Atoll” (looking suspiciously like Southern CA…), wreaking havoc and revenge. Slow, slow, sloooooowwwwww revenge. Join Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host adorable actress and Special FX maven Angel Bradford on the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, and see if this marauding mangrove’s bark is worse than its bite… ;=8)
TABONGA!!!!

Soooo, the Tabonga is actually a full-grown man-tree. Well, grown in 2 days: moost have OD’ed on those Miracle Grow spikes…Anycow, it comes not from Hell, but from the grave of a fake native, Kimo (Greg Palmer, “The Zombies of Mora Tau”), murdered by the native elders for hanging out with those awful American scientists. The scientists include Dr. William Arnold (Tod Andrews, “Hang ’em High”, “Beneath the Planet of the Apes”) and Professor Clark (John McNamara,”War of the Colossal Beast”). Rounding out the cast is Linda Watkins (“The Parent Trap”) as the obnoxious Mrs. Kilgore, the obvious comic relief spurting out an equally-obvious fake “cockney” accent. A stellar cast indeed!! Anycow, because his doughy, brain-dead wife, Korey, played amateurishly by Suzanne Ridgeway (“Love’s A-Poppin'”), helps set him up, Kimo declares his revenge on her and all of the elders. They kill him and bury him in a tree, as you do; then, the dopey American scientists uproot the tree, bring it back to life “in the name of science”, & allows it to SLOWLY amble about the island, killing off everyone who has done him wrong.

Of course, we all know that evil monsters carry off fair maidens, so the Tabonga grabs plucky female scientist Dr. Terry Mason (Tina Carver, “Hell on Frisco Bay”) & waddles off with her. Vine-ally, a good shot with a Remington hits a knife lodged in the Tabonga, and it falls over dead into the quicksand. This laughably foolish cowncept is one of the all-time cheesy howlers. The Tabonga is arguably the slooooowest monster in moovie history, right up there with the clanky, hopelessly over-built robot from Robot Monster vs the Aztec Mummy and the perversely slow carpet monster from Creeping Terror. Try not to laugh as you watch the Tabonga toss fake natives down hills & into quicksand, dodge spears, and lumber slowly about the “island”. Shady writing, wooden performances, and sappy direction all point that this pulpy fertilizer has far mooore bark than bite. This tepid pile of wood chips was the last hurrah from long-time editor-turned-director Dan Milner, who quickly vanished into well-deserved obscurity following this film.

Egads, the Indie Film Cafe kids really howled over this one! Moody went with an 8, the MooCow gave it an 8.5, and Angel Bradford went with 9, while admitting that she laughed all the way through the moovie – that’s a total Stink Score of 25.5, and a Stinky Average of 8.8!!! Dat’s one stinky flower! :=8D On the Ladder of Stink From Hell It Came ranks juuuust a shade below Jack Frost and Blood Freak, and just above a whole pile of stinky garbage. And check out Svengoolie‘s synopsis of the cast!

Oh yeah, this one is all over the Tube of You – check out the HD trailer HERE. And you can watch it for free on Tubi. There are plenty of places to pick up the physical media of this stinker – you can get both the Blu Ray and DVD from Uncle Amazon, as well as Barnes and Noble, and the DVD from Best Buy and Walmart. But to enjoy the Tabonga in all its ridiculous glory, you need to git yer hooves on the Blu Ray! Pick up the scha-weeeeet poster from Ebay, Redbubble, Etsy, and for a lovely framed version, Fine Art America.com . An equally scha-weeeeeet tee shirt can be found at Zazzle, Redbubble, and Teepublic.com. Pick up the de-lux tee at Cultcollectiblesonline.com. The Doctor’s Model Mansion has a fabulous full-color resin diorama that is to die for, cowplete with the Tabonga, his female package, the knife in the heart, and a voodoo doll! Teepublic.com has TWO styles of coffee mug, the classic yellow poster and a vivid green version! You can find one on Amazon as well. and Moore Monsters made a magnificent Tiki-mug of the Tabonga that just HAS to git into your moovie mug cowllection! Heck, u can even find great original art from time to time, ’cause that Tabonga is just soooo inspirational! And EBAY has all kinds of great From hell It came stuff!

Well, you herd it through the grapevine from the MooCow first: “From Hell it Came” is a compost classic, and a perfect cheesy stinker to put on during the holidays when yer planted on the couch with nothing to do but veg. We hope we have seeded your interest in this film, and that it will bloom into a full-blown bouquet of stinky fun for you!
:=8D

• 

Ok, its true that we here at Indie Film Cafe tend to focus on the stinkier side of indie films, but that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the good little indies that pop out from time to time, especially the ones that tend to fly udder the radar – and that’s just the kind of indie feature we have here for our NEXT EPISODE with Josh Becker‘s Lunatics: A Love Story (shot in 1989, released in 1991). Starring Ted Raimi, Deborah Foreman, and the always mooovelous Bruce Campbell, this is a fun, odd little indie that is worth gettin’ yer shovel out to dig dig dig up and find! Check out our podcast, with special guest co-hot actress Taylor Kilgore!

• 

Poor Hank (Raimi); he’s a nerdy crazypants poet who can’t leave his house because evil doctors, giant spiders, crappy early 90’s rappers, and udder things are totally out to get him, and without the protection of his aluminum foil wrapped apartment in LA he is totally done for. And this is just fine, until poor, sweet Nancy (Foreman), who is cowvinced that she is cursed and that everything she touches dies or is destroyed, actually shows up at his doorstep. Hey-presto, he instantly falls for her (well, she IS Deborah Foreman!), but she runs off, and Hank is left with the existential question of the era: does he stay inside where it’s safe, or venture outside his tin foil castle to get the girl back? And Bruce Campbell plays several roles in this fun indie, including a mad doctor and Ray, Nancy’s ne’er-do-well boyfriend. Plus CLAYMATION MOSTERS!!! Did we mention the bad rap moosic??

This is yer chance to see Ted Raimi as a lead, and he’s really good – he’s been in a ton of udder flicks (The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, Thou Shalt Not Kill…Except, Darkman, to name a few), but this is his cowming out party. Deborah Foreman was the IT girl of the 80’s (Valley Girl, Real Genius, My Chauffer, April Fool’s Day, etc), who all but vanished from the scene after this moovie and did not return until 2008 with Beautiful Loser – and the MooCow is very happy to see her back! We all know Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead franchise, Ash VS Evil Dead, Brisco County, Bubba Ho Tep, etc), although usually he is the lead, so its interesting to see him and Ted Raimi swap roles. Josh Becker has directed udder stuff too, including Running Time, Thou Shalt Not Kill…Except, Alien Apocalypse, and Harpies, as well as a pile of tv series episodes for Xena and Jack of All Trades.

• 

well, the votes are in, and the scores for Lunatics: a Love Story is pretty low! The MooCow chipped in with a 4, Moody went with a 1, and Taylor Kilgore went with a 5.5, which gives Lunatics: a Love Story a total Stink Score of 10.5, which is a Stinky Average of 3.5, which is some low hanging fruit! On the Ladder of Stink, this moovie ranks right up there with For Y’ur Height Only and Santa’s Slay! And after the season we’ve had here at Indie Film Cafe of soooo many near-30’s, its nice to have a pretty decent indie freshen up the place, at least until the MooCow drags in an-udder smelly stink bomb…
;=8)

• 

We gots yer trailerage right HERE. You can see the moovie for free on the Tube of You, and also it is streaming on CouchPop – but if you want the physical medium you can find the DVD by visiting yer old Uncle Amazon. For u fans Down Udder you can get the Aussie DVD HERE. Old school cowllectors of VHS can find there there too, and also Ebay. Someday we hope there will be a Blu Ray release – check back and we will update you with that info when we gets it! Good luck finding merch for this film, although the MooCow was able to eek out this original poster on auction HERE – maybe there will be moore, one can only hope. Here is a nice review of the DVD release on Starburst magazine, and an udder from Diabolique magazine.

• 

And here is a bit of fun fan art!

• 

• 

Welcome to the 80’s, Stink Moovie fans! Yes, cocaine, Ronald Reagan, and parachute pants are not the only stinky relics of the era, so is the latest Indie Film Cafe’s episode: Rick Sloane‘s immortal Hobgoblins! And yer old pal the MooCow, Jonathan Moody, and long-suffering sidekick Just Jenn are all on hand to take a peek at this ridiculous puppet Gremlins rip-off that is at once hard to watch and yet a wonder to behold!

• 

Loser Kevin, his frigid girlfriend Amy, and their “friends”, the sex-crazed Daphne, meathead soldier boy Nick, and King of All Dorks Kyle all have to do battle with a bunch of furry little puppets that invade their home and pretend to offer folks their wildest dreams coming true, just before killing them. But honestly, the story takes a back seat to the horrible 80’s clothing, moosic, and styles, and of course FISH PICKER!!! Or is it PIG LIQUOR!!!! Doesn’t matter. Welcome to Club Scum, weirdos, let’s fight with rakes and dial up a 1-900 phone sex mistress while we pound those puppets! :=8D

While moost of the leads never went on to do anything else, we have seen udders in this film before. The ancient Mr. McCreedy is played by none udder than Jeffrey Culver, whom the IFC kids recently enjoyed in Nightmare Sisters, and also showed up in Bad Girls from Mars, Lady Avenger, and several of Rick Sloane udder stinkers, including two Vice Academy films. Here he plays a crotchety old coot that would make John Carradine proud, and is the guy who has been trying to keep the furry lil critters locked up. Skeezy 80’s teen telephone fantasy Fantazia was played by Tamara Clatterbuck (as Tami Bakke), who has also appeared in UFH, Battling Amazons, and on TV shows like Murphy Brown, A Different World, NYPD Blue, The X-Files, and Beverly Hills 90120, and who also appeared in Sloane’s Vice Academy. Good ol’ Duane Whitaker appears as the lovable Road Rash, the Club Scum bouncer with a heart of…rancid beef jerky? He appeared moost famously in Pulp Fiction, but also in Tales from the Hood, Feast, From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2, Halloween II (2009), and the Devil’s Rejects. And finally the adorable Kari French played Pixie, the Club Scum waitress on the make who can really dance! She also appeared in the stinky Wizard of Speed and Time, Dangerzone III, Wildling, Bad Love, and Repo Chick, and also was yet an-udder to appear in Vice Academy. You can’t say that Rick Sloane wasn’t loyal to his workers!

• 

While this is certainly a stinky film, the IFC kids definitely have some love for this crappy little flick too – Moody went with a 7 on the Stinkometer, while Just Jenn chipped in with a 6 and yer old pal the MooCow awarded a 6.5, giving Hobgoblins a total Stink Score of 19.5, which is a Stinky Average of 6.5! On the Ladder of Stink, that puts Hobgoblins tied with Octaman and the Double D Avenger!

• 

Check out the trailer right HERE. Check out the classic VHS tape from EBAY! And there is a NEW trailer for the Vinegar Syndrome blu ray release! The free uncut version is HERE. Its also on Tubi. BUT you can watch the hi-larious MST3K version for free on Youtube – but if yer a real fan do yerself a favor and plunk down some hard-earned weregeld for the awesome blu ray/dvd combo from Uncle Amazon! You can also buy it direct from Vinegar Sydrome HERE. A digital version of the awesome POSTER can be found at Cinematerial.com, as well as the Movieposterdb.com. Good ol’ ETSY has a Hobgoblins throw pillow, tee shirt, and poster sized print! And Cultcollectiblesonline.com has an awesome Hobgoblins Tee Shirt! And the glorious full-color shirt at Video Nasty’s has to bee seen to be believed!

• 

Yep, they just don’t make ’em like this anymoore! If you need to see a silly fuzzy puppet horror flick, or need to git yer 80’s thang on full-blown, then you NEED to find yourself a copy of Hobgoblins – you’ll be so happy you’ll dance like Daphne!
;=8)

•