Episode 117: Marina Monster (2007)

The world loves a stinky shark moovie, oh yes it does – and it doesn’t get mooch stinkier than this cheapy sex comedy/plastic shark attack flick put out by Christine Whitlock that simply has to be seen to be believed! Oh Canada!!! Just when we thought your worst import was Justin Beiber or Celine Dion! Moody and the MooCow are ready to take on the worst – but stepping up to the plate is nun udder than special guest co-host Curtis Barnes, a stinky moovie veteran who has walked (and sometimes crawled) through the steaming wreckage of MooCow stinkers in the past, and is always ready for moore! Will this iron-hearted, and iron-stomach, trio meet their match this time? Check out the latest Indie Film Cafe podcast episode and find out for yourself!

Gosh, where to begin? Soooo…there is a cute, inflatable plastic shark floating around an unnamed Canadian harbor, and anytime anyone falls into the water – which is pretty mooch all the time – they are immediately eaten, and we’re talking hundred here, folks. In the meantime, Earl Molar and Oceanna Anchor are trying to have a relationship; there are a pair of Commodores, each trying to do various things that don’t really matter, some weird relationship subplots, a drug deal, a boat race, mutant fish food, and – heck, the kitchen sink! Have we mentioned the fact that oodles of random people, some in the moost over the top, neon colored wigs you will ever find, fall into or are pushed into the water, for no udder reason than to ring the dinner bell for the hungry, hungry inflatable shark – which kind of sings in a weird Louis Armstrong-type voice (don’t get me started!!!).

Yeah, its a hot mess. But to be clear, folks, there is no gore, no horror, no action, no violence whatsoever; its really a mass of hint-hint/wink-wink sex comedy innuendo, and ohbytheway there’s a shark, secondary to the plot. Add in weird sound effects, colorful, obvious fake names, the same sets used over and over again, sometimes cleverly disguised with miss-matched curtains, and udder low, low production values, and you can see why they were really aiming for a comedy. Unfortunately, it ain’t none too funny either. Well, ok, the final scene where the distressed Oceanna is attacked by the inflatable critter, and has to whack it with a scrap piece of balsa wood is pretty funny, especially given that’s when our Marina Monster starts to SING!!! Well, kind of. I guess if someone took about 10% of Jaws, and tossed in a whole bunch of Gilligan’s Island, and set it to puree, this is the result!

Hay, turn off your wigs, planes are trying to land by them!

Direction is pedestrian at best; the acting is over the top, as a farce should be, the production values pretty minimal – and when you figure that this moovie was made at the same time as an-udder sea creature feature (Sharp Teeth), and they were trying to get 2 films out of 1 shoot, well things begin to make a little moore sense. Somewhere I see the liver-spotted forehead of Roger Corman nodding in agreement with these choice. Director Christine Whitlock is a writer who has written for many venues of entertainment, including Canadian television, plays, and internet series, but her style tends towards the very broad types of humor, and ex-nay on the ubtle-say. Even so, this cud have been a bit moore fun if the story had really gone for it, instead of playing it safe, and perhaps been more adult and less juvenile. Think Seduction Cinema! But we get it, Canadians are just nice people, not like filthy crude Americans, they just can’t help but being nice and kind of tame. It moost be the colder temps…and all the Tim Hortens.

Whack that shark! Whack that shark!!!

So, the votes are in , and yeah…its 10s across the board. Just nothing really happens, at all, and only only thing that keeps you interested is seeing cow bad things can really get, and that’s never a good sign. Stink Total of 30, and a Stinky Average of 10.0 – straight up to Stinky Heaven with this one, may all udder lesser stinky shark moovies bow down before it!

Check out the trailer HERE. It is currently on Prime. Rent it through NETFLIX. If you want a physical copy of this gem, and believe the MooCow, you DO, then head on over to Christine Whitlock’s webpage and order a copy! She’ll be glad you did! Mine came with extra goodies, and then I went back and ordered Vampire Dentist, because who can resist a moovie with a title like that? You can also get Sharp Teeth from her there, and you better believe that’s next on the MooCow’s list! you can also sometimes find it on the Canadian Ebay, eh? I wish I cud say there was schwag out there for this moovie, but alas, there was none to be found beyond a digital version of the film poster at CineMaterial.com. If you dug the soundtrack there are a few of the tracks HERE. The Creature Feature Bleachers cover this film, but udderwise there isn’t much love out there for Marina Monster, which is one reason why the IFC kids decided to feature it – well, the MooCow did anyways. Oh that wascally MooCow…

So, is it safe to go back into the water? Probably not, but at least you can be pretty sure that unless yer up in Canada you won’t be menaced by this thing:

Me is scary!! Gimme nom-noms!!!


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