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Episode 116: The Last Vampire on Earth (2010)

Ever wonder what would happen if The Room and Twilight had a weird, slow baby?? No, just me? Well, if you were wondering, seek no moore, because da MooCow found it! The Last Vampire on Earth is a spectacularly bad Twilight/Room mishmash of epic dullness, punctuated by bad, amateur performances, poor effects, a weak story line, and some weird little chubby kid who eats everything in site! Naturally, this was perfect for the kids at Indie Film Cafe to suffer through, especially Moody, the MooCow, and a pair of special guest co-hosts, Jessa Flux and Madeline Deering! Check out the latest podcast episode to see if this moovie bangs, or bites! ;=8)

Boring, dull vamp guy named Aurelius who buys blood instead of killing people, hits on dull teen named Chloe, who invites him home for dinner – he eats chicken (instead of just turning it down!), and pukes, which makes the father immediately cowclude that he is, in fact, a vampire! A group of folks kidnap him (which apparently is easy as pie), lightly wrap a few weak strands of yarn around him and a pole, and then Bella-Wannabe shows up with a gun and announces she has AIDS – “That’s right, AIDS!” Then everyone says, “Oh, sorry”, and lets him go, the end. Believe the MooCow, the moovie is even dumber and slower that this… :=8P

Ohhh Vitaliy Versace, what have you done? Well, you made a $0 budget local moovie, using local talent, and its, ummm….not very good, even by Youngstown Ohio standards. The moovie has weird ideas about vampires, weird ideas about Christianity, odd dialog choices, and very loose standards when it comes to post-production. But yeah, this is his One-Shot/No Re-Takes Twilight, in the same way he has also made his own, low budget, poor One-Shot/No Re-Takes versions of Aladdin, the Jungle Book, Karate Kid, etc, moost of which will end up on Indie Film Cafe at one point or an-udder because we are just crap hounds who thrive on cringe. And trust us, this flick is full of cringe.

Well, the scores are in, and with Moody bowing out this time we have to rely on the MooCow and the two guest co-hosts: Jess went right for the throat and awarded a 10, while Maddy Deer (always playing nice) went with an 8, while the MooCow awarded a 9.5 – that gives Last Vampire on Earth a total Stink Score of 27.5, which is a Stinky Average of 9.2 – on the Ladder of Stink this one nestles in right between Thankskilling, Fungicide, and Curse of Bigfoot at 28, and Vampire Cop and Raiders of the Lost Shark at 27. Stinky stuff indeed!

Right HERE is yer trailer. Watch for free on Youtube! Is also streaming for free on Tubi, and also (amazingly) Netflix! It ain’t cheap, but if you want to git yer hooves on a physical dvd copy, you can at Amazon! It also lurks the halls of FYE. You can also find it re-sale at Ebay. You know you want that poster, so get the digital at MoviePosterb.com and CineMaterial.com. No mugs or tee shirts, BUT…the whole thing is based on a book, so behold, here is the paperback! Best of the Worst does a show on the film, among udders

Who doesn’t love a stinky vampire flick, right? And when your stink smells suspiciously of both Twilight and The Room, you know you have a classic stinker – check it out!
:=8D

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