Episode 118: Maradonia and the Shadow Empire (2016)

Hey everyone… Jonathan Moody back again for a brand new review! This time we’re talking about a fantasy movie beyond any kind of fantasy. A fantasy so fantastic that the filmmakers actually thought this film was going to be good. We’re talking about the movie, “Maradonia and the Shadow Empire”, or as the poster says, “Maradonia The Shadow Empire”…. Anyhoo I couldn’t figure out who to subject to this crappy film. I decided to enlist the help of John Ward who has been a guest on multiple episodes and of course Paul Presenza cause well how many terrible movies has he subjected me to… I lost count! Hear us on a very LONG latest podcast episode, there was just so much to talk about!

WE are the Empire! All three of us!

The plot from Letterboxed (It doesn’t even have a synopsis on IMDB… that’s bad):

Maya and Joey, a young brother and sister from the small city of Oceanside, find a gap in the fence of a Government property. Going through it, they soon discover the entrance to a Cave with a hidden tunnel that leads them to a strange place and world on the other side. Maradonia, a world between the worlds and with the youngsters arrival, the ancient prophecy of the Light King is fulfilled: “In the last days at the end of the age, when two silver birds attack the twin brothers, two children will arrive in the land of Maradonia and show the fallen angel and ruler of the Shadow Empire, his limitations”. In the legendary land of Maradonia, the ordinary lives of Maya and Joey change forever. As brother and sister find themselves in an unfamiliar and perilous world ruled by magic and dark power, a journey brimming with excitement and adventure begins. 

Well yes all of that was in the movie but ohhh man so much other crap was thrown in to it! For example, a random class that I guess was supposed to explain things but went on weird tirades about the 9/11 attacks that had nothing to do with the movie. Characters that pop in and out and seem like they have something to do with the rest of the film that don’t. That actually happens a lot more than I would like in the world of independent film-making. The acting can get so atrocious that you just want to shut the movie.

Thanks for all the LARP stuff, its great…

The direction if you can call it that is so non-existent that it feels most of the time that the “director” was just having the camera follow the people, but add nothing cinematic to the flick. And speaking of the director, Gerry Tesch, he is the father of the main lead (who is also the writer), a girl named Gloria Tesch, who I guess convinced her father to put his home up for mortgage to finance the film. They raised a lot of money between 800,000 to a million dollars to film this trash. I wish they had used that money to hire a real director.  Not trying to speak ill of the dead because sadly Gerry Tesch has passed away, but dear God he should have allowed more help to make this film. It’s a terrible terrible train wreck. So much so that the filmmakers who worked on this did everything they could to bury it. You can’t find this on streaming and DVD or anything like that. I’ll let Paul tell you more about  that in a sec. 

All in all this movie was so bad that Gloria Tesch changed her name to Sofia Nova and now makes new novels and also raps on the side. You know you’re in trouble when a filmmaker is also a white rapper. Ugh! Just know you’re all lucky you can’t see this flick.

Got goo on yer face, a big disgrace….

This was another unanimous 10’s all around. A 30 but not really a 30 plus – this isn’t Miss Werewolf, but damn would it be close. Stink Average score of 10. This is up there in Stinky Heaven with all the other 30s, like Fateful Findings, Lycan Colony, Zombie Cop, and more! 

Phew… well I am done talking about this stinker so I will pass it off to Paul who can add whatever he can for this…

Well, it ain’t gonna be much… :=8(

Unfortunately, you can’t buy this feeble flick anywhere, ’cause Gloria Tesch made damn sure no one will see, hear about, or remember this moovie ever again – except, of course, for crap hounds like us at Indie Film Cafe! No trailers, no merch, pretty much nut n honey, EXCEPT some kind soul did add the film to Youtube, udder another name, so we can all revel in the horrific glory! There are also one or two udder groups who talk about or do videos about the film as well, although it is pretty obscure – not even the MooCow had herd about it! But if it ever gets a release, and oh yea gods we all hope it DOES, you can be sure we will update this site for you!

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