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Episode 105: Lycan Colony (2006)

Ok, we made a lot of ‘not lycan this moovie’ jokes on the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, and the MooCow is gonna stand behind ’em, because…well, the moovie was pretty bad, folks. Yep. Yep. I’m sorry, but the English language fails to describe just cow poor this moovie was made, although it was very fun for me seeing poor Moody and special guest Co-Host Angel Bradford suffer in agony and torment, because that’s the kind of guy this cow is…
;=8)


BTW Rifftrax covered this film too, and said this is the worst movie they’ve ever done.

So these two folks looking for their dad find a town of werewolves, as you do, and shits n gigs happen all around. There are some bad CGI effects, really bad werewolf costumes, a weird Native American animated scene, a witch, of sorts, a drunk doctor, a moving CGI neck tattoo, a very pesky AA sponsor who takes his charge to a bar, a distraught monkey eating pudding, and…well, who the heck knows, this moovie was shot in a puddle of dark, murky water through a pinhole camera, so you really can’t see anything, or hear anything clearly for that matter. It was produced, written, and directed by one Rob Roy (not the 1995 Liam Neeson flick!), and starred Rob Roy’s family and friends, and stunt woman Kristi Lynn as Athena the Annoying Not-a-Witch Who Licks People.

Trust me, there are things that happen in this moovie, you just won’t care about any of them because yer gonna be too busy shaking your head at all the weird, cheap, and just poorly done elements, mistakes, and bad choices in this flick. For example: WHY green screen an outdoor scene when you can easily (and cheaply) just shoot the damn scene outside somewhere in the woods? The sound is going to be synced in later anycow (or not, in this case), and yer certainly not trying to match any lighting in the rest of the film, since there is none. WHY use a clearly bad CGI tattoo instead of just drawing on a temporary one – heck, even a Sharpie tattoo would worked better than that shaky cheap digital mess! And those teeth…they are almoost as bad as Al Adamson vampire toothpicks, almoost! Cow is it, you ask?? NOT awesome! Akkk!

Well, the votes are in, and its pretty unanimous: Lycan Colony is a bona fide stinker, getting 10;s from Moody, the MooCow, and even sweet Angel Bradford wasted no time announcing her score – this sends Lycan Colony straight up into Stinky Heaven on the Ladder of Stink – moove over Neil Breen! That’s a Stink Total of 30, and a Stinky Average of 10. Gott in himmel, vas ist das stinken??? :=8O

Ok, this is a fake trailer, but its all we gots on this flick! You can watch it for free (apart from the bits of your soul that it steals…) on Tubi. Rumor has it that its on Roku as well, but I cud not cowfirm. You better believe there is a hilarious Rifftrax version out there too! Is hard to find a physical copy of this moovie, but it does pop up on Uncle Amazon, though it will cost ya! It also pops up on Ebay! The whole mess is actually based on a book series by Rob Roy himself, and you are free to purchase it HERE. I am not finding mooch Lycan Colony swag out there, but in addition to Rifftrax this film was also covered by Red Letter Media.

Just wow – do yerself a favor and check out Lycan Colony for some truly interesting entertainment, and enjoy a nice bowl of CHOWDAHHH while yer watching, it helps the weird CGI makes sense…
;=8)

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