Episode 96: Turkish Star Wars (1982)

Gott in Himmell, vat is dis??? :=8O Well, it sure ain’t no Turkish Delight! Nope, instead, our latest episode of Indie Film Cafe is the weird and wonderful Turkish Star Wars, AKA The Man Who Saved the World By Tying a Bunch of Rocks to His Ankles and Hopping Around Like a Bunny (ok, that last part isn’t true…). Think you’ve seen every Star Wars rip off out there?? Folks u have no idea! Join Moody, the MooCow, and special Guest co-host Lenore Miller (she’s BACK!!!) for a very special, very strange episode!

Yeaaaaahhh…this image pretty mooch says it all….

So, a couple of he-man Turkish fellahs get caught up in about 3 minutes of Star Wars footage liberally stolen from the original film, then crash land on a barbaric planet (looking suspiciously like SW Turkey), and proceed to fight an evil sorcerer wearing a hat of spikes cowmanding an army of poorly costumed, day-glo furry critters, using what has to be the moost hopelessly over-designed ‘sword’ ever pieced together from particleboard. There is much jumping and hopping about, rocks are slapped repeatedly in impressive displays of Turkish machismo, and cheap silly fx go off at random just because. Maybe it was lost in translation?? Udder random bits of footage stolen include scenes from The Magic Sword (1962), and moosic taken directly from Indiana Jones. Yer jaws are gonna hit the floor on this one, folks! HURRAYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Slap the furry! Slap the furry!!!

Turkish rip off theater is nothing new: there are fun Turkish Superman, Spiderman, and even El Santo moovies out there, even a Turkish I Spit on Your Grave (plus SEVERAL Turkish ETs, including a gay porno version!!!) – and its kind of a shame because there was also some kewl and interesting original work produced in Turkey, especially the 60’s, but now Turkish cinema is moost famously known for ridiculous garbage like this. Cüneyt (George) Arkin, who plays the lead, Muryat, is internationally known as a director, writer, and a huge leading man action star in Turkey, a man who always did his own stunts and martial arts, and did so for many, many years, and who acted in over 250 moovies and tv shows. The man was Bruce Lee and James Bond AND Batman, all rolled into one! And while this might have thrilled the folks in Turkey in 1982, moost folks in the West who watch this are simply flabbergasted and cowfused, because the flick is a massive HUHWTF???? Yeah, there is nothing even remootely associated with Star Wars here. BUT, someone did find a 35mm print, as all the original negatives have been destroyed, so it can be preserved FOREVER!!!!! Seriously, u have to see this wacky stuff!

Ok folks, the votes are in, and yeahhhhhh Turkish Star Wars is the stuff that 30’s are made from. Unanimous 10’s from Moody, the MooCow, and Lenore, because we all recognize stinky greatness when yer just clubbed over the head with it. That’s a 10.0 Stinky Average, and it shoots right up the Ladder of Stink to Stinky Heaven, along with Neil Breen, Miss Werewolf, and a hoof-full of udder richly deserving, odoriferous cheesy howlers.

Check out the trailer HERE. Watch it for free on the Tube of You! Getting yer hot little hooves on a dvd copy of this twisted little turkey is notoriously difficult, although it does pop up on places like Media Collectibles.com, Ebay, and DVDParty.com. And if yer very lucky u might be able to score yourself a Blu ray copy, if it comes back on the market (and if there really is a god in heaven, it will!). And if you have a spare $1500 bucks you can have an original poster of the flick for your very own (and make the MooCow very jealous indeed!). But if yer cheap, like the MooCow, you can find free digital copies on-line HERE. There are some fun Turkish Star Wars-inspired tee shirts HERE, for dudes and dudettes!

For unbridled silliness, you’d have to go really far to find a moovie as ridiculous and bizarre and fun as Turkish Star Wars, so do yerselves a favor and check it out! You might find yourself slapping rocks for fun too!

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