Episode 86: Robowoman (2019)

Badly written, threadbare, penny-pinching, micro-budget rip-off of Robo Cop, Robo Girl, Robo CHIC, Robo-Dog, and every udder Robo-moovie ever made, only worse: its amateur hour from the likes of Dustin Ferguson, the ‘talent’ behind such gems as “Meathook Massacre” I-IV, “Night of the Clown”, “Arachnado”, and a huge steaming pile of udder such rubbish puked out on a fairly regular basis, following the ‘more, not better’ credo of film making. This one stars a strange looking puppet, errrr, Dawna Lee Heising, a former dancer and model (many years ago) who also happened to nab a bit role in a real film (she was the dancer with the snake for about 2 seconds in Blade Runner; in the Hollybore indie cowmoonity, that’s enough clout to get you cast as lead in dozens of films, so it would seem, and the MooCow is certain we have not suffered though our last Dawna Lee Heising film, or our last Dustin Ferguson film for that matter. Egads! Check out Moody, the MooCow, and special gust co-host Colleen Tidd suffer and moan through our latest episode!

So DLH plays Vivica, a temp on her last day on the job who gets asked out on a date by a homeless-looking Jonathan Nation (Death Racers, Megashark VS Giant Octopus, Mega Piranha); apparently he’s asked her out every week since he started, and refuses to take no for an answer, and rather than calling him a creepy stalker and spraying mace in his eyes she of course says SURE! because the script demands it and there would be no moovie if she had a molecule of common sense. Of course, scraggy Jonathan is up to no good, and ambushes Vivica in the dark, along with his buds and physically handicapped brother because, hay, special needs folks can be jerky faces too!

So, she is left for dead but her wooden roomie (Sue Price) figures out where she is, and sends an ambulance, and hey presto, she’s in a ‘hospital room’ (worst EVER!!!) udder the supervision of a quack scientist (old, reliable Mel Novak) who has seen waaaay too many Robo moovies ’cause he brings her back to life by turning her into a dangerous cyber robot thingy. And by robot thingy, I mean she wears a pair of plastic mono lens sunglasses and a very false-looking glove as her ‘cyber’ implants. I guess Hot Topic was charging too damn moooch for anything better. Then things and stuff happen, and Robowoman gets her revenge on the dumbass nogoodnicks in one of the longest hour and 10 minutes you’ll ever experience. Oh yeah, and Brinke Stevens shows up for about 2 minutes towards the end, the film’s only saving grace.

Believe the MooCow, he has seen just about every Robo moovie out there, and this one is one of the worst, just plain awful, boring, cheap, and cringy in the extreme, not even good for a laugh or two. As a robo-hero, our DLH is a paunchy, older person wearing loud, gaudy clothes and waaaaay too much make up – who the hell did the make-up on this film, Pennywise?? – and she is simply painful to watch. Its as if some naughty drunk monkey took a copy of Robo CHIC and a copy of Sextette, tossed ’em into a blander, and pressed puree, and out this seeped, like a burst pustule.

Moody went with a 10, while the MooCow and poor shell-shocked Colleen Tidd awarded it 9.5s, giving Robowoman a Stink Total of 29, which was gives it a Stinky Average of 9.7. On the Ladder of Stink Robowoman is tied with Actium Maximus, Moody’s favorite moovie! Man, what a stench! :=8O

There is a trailer: good luck. For those of you who love physical media you can find this flick at Amazon, Walmart, Oldies.com, and Target on DVD, as well in the re-sale market on Ebay. Its a Wild Eye Releasing, so you might get “lucky” and find it there too. You can stream it on Prime, an its haunting Tubi as well, like a malingering odor. You can download the poster at Cinematerial.com, and have DLH’s face stare down at you for all eternity. Have fun with that.

Cud this be the worse Robo-moovie of all time? Its pretty darn close, folks, that’s for sure – but don’t take our word for it, dig up this wretched wreck for yourself and see if the Indie Film Cafe kids are exaggerating or telling the truth but don’t say you weren’t warned!

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