Episode 66: White Wolves: A Cry in the Wild 2 (1993)

A bunch of 20-something teenagers go on a hike; they bicker and argue and are full of standard teen angst. Mr. B. falls down a cliff, and the teens are forced to put their differences aside and work together to get his dumb ass out. Sadly, no one is eaten by a bear. That smokey, putrid smell you detect is the MooCow roasting in hell as he viewed this early 90’s talky teeny melodrama, based on a series of fetid teeny adventure novels the likes of which the MooCow would sooner eat broken glass than read. Indie Film Cafe’s Jonathan Moody is joined by John Ward and Dustin Hubbard on this latest EPISODE, but the MooCow is pretty sure this flick is payback for Actium Maximus

I know I’m in the title, but don’t expect me to do much in this flick…

Things and stuff kind of happen. These are the whitest ‘teenagers’ on the planet. There is some lovely scenery. Again, no one is eaten by a bear. Mr. B. and the teens actually sing songs about the power of love while they hike, and the MooCow is writhing in agony. Apparently there is a series of these things: this one stars Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Saved By the Bell) as Scott, Amy O’Neill (Honey I shrunk the Kids) as a sweetie named Panda…errr, Pandra, Ami Dolenz (Monkey daughter) as the powerbar-eating Cara, David Moscow (Big) as Adam, and Marc Riffon (Sliders) as Benny, the Surly Teen from the Wrong Side of the Tracks Who is Misudderstood. Mr. B. is sincerely played by Matt McCoy (Police Academy 5&6, The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, LA. Confidential). The flick is produced by Julie Corman, stink moovie maven Roger Corman’s wife, and is directed by Catherine Cyran, who wrote and directed a pile of teeny made-for-tv indoor bullstuff. The legendary Corman lack of fundage is apparent throughout, but Director Cyran wisely allows the free scenery to be the real star of the moovie.

Mr. B. fall down, go boom! Well, at least there are no bears to eat him…

Well, it appears that the Indie Film Cafe kids loved this film – they thought it was fun and interesting and had no problem with the lack of plot, conflict, or man-eating bears. Moody, Ward, and Hubbard were unanimous in awarding this moovie 3’s all around, giving White Wolves: A Cry in the Wilderness 2 a total Stink Score of 9, and a Stinky average of 3.0. The MooCow is still crumpled in a fetal position, glad not to vote on this one.

This thing is on Youtube, both the trailer and the full moovie, if you dare. For those of you who want a physical copy, Uncle Amazon has both the dvd and vhs version. And you can get a cheapie dvd at FYE. And if yer a real glutton for punishment you can get the entire 4 film series HERE on dvd! It also comes in a triple dvd set too. A moovie poster can be had HERE for only a few bucks. The Hatchet book series these flicks were inspired by can be found HERE.

Well, it ain’t the MooCow’s cup of tea, fo’ sho’, but if yer looking for a mild, family-friendly teen moovie with some great scenery, and a few 90’s names, then White Wolves: A Cry in the Wilderness 2 just might be packin’ what yer lookin’ for.

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