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Episode 62: Grizzly Rage (2007)

Grrr! Arrrgg! Is that a monster I hear? No, its a cute, fuzzy marshmallow-eating bear, shot apart from the actors in a way to make him appear to be menacing, in this unbearable “killer bear” / angry critter moovie from our Canadian friends, called Grizzly Rage! Yes, its the rage of the grizzlies. Said title comes from an angry momma bear (played by an actual male bear named Koda who “smiled” in order to be fed marshmallows) that goes on a revenge rampage after a bunch of fake backwards-hat wearing “teenage” bro-dudes run over her cub, then stupidly ruin every possible chance they have to escape it. The red herrings pile up as the marshmallow-eating bear stalks them all (appearing magically wherever they are, like furry, four-legged Jason from Friday the 13th). Fortunately the bear kills them all, the end. The moovie stars Tyler Hoechlin, Graham Kosakoski, Brody Harms, and Kate Todd (the only 4 characters in the entire flick besides the bear); veteran stinky moovie auteur David DeCoteau directs, while the Indie Film Cafe kids howl in their own rage of disbelief – join Moody, the MooCow, and special guest star actress and make-up artist McKenzie Kelly on the latest podcast episode to hear moore!

Don’t rage on me, bro, I’m wearing my best dew-rag!

So where to start? The biggest problem is the terrible, ridiculous script which includes fake Canadian teens, a magical, omnipresent bear, an undeveloped toxic waste plot point, lame off-screen deaths, and a story which demands that the characters do the stupidest possible things in order to make themselves available to be bear-chow. I mean, until one of the bro-dudes runs his own vehicle off a cliff, they cud just drive away, and where’s the fun in that? And why take refuge in the second story or even attic of a house, where the bear can’t get to you, when you can just run around outside with a tire iron where the bear is? Arne Olsen (Cop & A Half , Red Scorpion 2, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers), we’re lookin’ directly at you. And these paper thin characters are so irritating that you will root for the bear to kill them all, quickly. Unfortunately it takes forever, and the viewer is stuck listening to hapless, empty dialogue or watching endless climbing or weird light strobes in the darkness, simulating – lightning? Fireflies?? Radioactive mutant bears??? Even wanna-be wrestlers think this flick is lame

Yeah, no one is going anywhere until I gets me a fat sack of marshmallows…

Ay chihuahua, but this moovie is a mess! Moody and the MooCow pulled no punches, awarding a 7 and an 8.5 respectively; sweet-hearted McKenzie Kelly, while recognizing the film’s many flaws, went with a 6, saying it wasn’t the worst film she’d seen. Stick around, kid, you ain’t seen nuttin’ yet! Grizzly Rage ends up with a Stink Total of 21.5, which breaks down to a 7.2 Stink Average, and which makes for a fairly odoriferous flop of a film. On the Ladder of Stink, Grizzly Rage occupies a rung just under Crater Lake Monster, and just above The Giant Claw.

See the ragin’ official trailer right HERE. Watch the digital copy on the Tube of You HERE. To git yer hooves on a dvd copy, check out Uncle AMAZON. And its on PRIME too. DVD copies are also on Ebay, Walmart, and Alibris. and its cheap AF on FYE. And and it is part of an angry critter multi-pack dvd set, along with Croc, Maneater, Dire Wolf, and Chupacabra vs. The Alamo (oh yea gods!), which you can get HERE. I don’t expect a blu ray version anytime soon. IcePoster.com has two kewl Grizzly Rage posters fer sale, because who wouldn’t want that? And while this is not a Grizzly Rage tee-shirt per se, you can still look kewl with this ragin’ Momma Bear Tee Shirt. And there there’s, ummmm…THIS. and, of course, there is a cute lil’ bear stuffie right HERE because we all need one of these! Love the soundtrack? Then check THIS out, yer welcome! Clearly the gods above have smiled down upon us because someone kindly made a video of one of Kate Todd’s songs with images from Grizzly Rage, and I think it says it all. Then, there’s THIS weird thing…

Sooo…are you ever going to take that stupid hat off?

Ok, it ain’t Grizzly, or Claws, or Bear, or Night of the Grizzly, or Grizzly Maze, or Grizzly Park, or Grizzly Falls, Grizzly Man, or even Gentle Ben – and it sure ain’t the nasty CGI bear from The Reverent that tore the hell outta Leo, BUT if yer lookin’ for some easy, mindless stink which happens to feature a big ol’ fuzzy bear (and the always-cute Kate Todd), then we humbly submit Grizzly Rage as your next selection. Peace out, and make sure you bring a bag of marshmallows on your vehicular tear-ass through the forest, you never know what kind of toxic waste mutant critter is out there!
;=8)

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