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Episode 41: Vampire’s Kiss (1989)

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Holy shnoiks!  Are the kids at Indie Film Cafe finally doing a Nic Cage moovie??  You bet we are!  And we’re doing his bestest, wildman, crazy, unhinged, and unCAGEd performance evahhh, with the wonderfully weird and somewhat stinky Vampire’s Kiss!  So buckle yer seatbelts, kiddos, and hang on because the latest EPISODE dives deep, deep, deep into Cage Country!

:=8D

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Seen me before, have you?  now you know where I’m from!

Sooooo, yeah, Nic Cage plays Peter, a creepy, womanizing literary agent who gets bit by a bat and begins to think he is turning into a vampire – for realsies.  That means he is haunted by a sexy Jennifer Beals with fangs, starts to torment his milquetoast secretary Alva (played by the cutie pie Maria Conchito-Alonso, from “Colors”) , eats pigeons and cockroaches, and basically loses his shit in the moost batshit crazy operatic way possibleOver the top is a mild way of describing the man’s acting in this film.  Even so, Cage is mesmerizing – you literally have no clue what he is going to do next!

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C’mon, at least you can’t say my acting was wooden in this one, there was so much at stake!

There is just a buffet of wackiness in this film that has to be seen and experienced to be believed, and almoost all of it cowming from the Cage man himself – although it mooost be said that Jennifer Beals does make for a sexy and dangerous vampire herself.  Unfortunately for Peter, he only thinks he is a vampire; the shots that Alva sends at him are only blanks, he does not burn in the sun light, his coffin is only an upside down couch, he drags around a pathetic splintered piece of wood for a stake, his reflection DOES show up in a mirror, and, worst of all, he resorts to wearing ridiculous, obvious plastic fangs because he has none of his own.  I mean, by the end of this film all you can really say is WOW!

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Doctor…I’m really afraid that my fake teeth are clearly plastic…

Well, in spite of Hurricane Cage, the kids at Indie Film Cafe didn’t think the moovie overall was particularly stinky: Moody gave it a 5, the MooCow cow chipped in with a 5.5, while special guest Just Jenn gave it the nicest score with a 3.  While their scores did not cownt in the finally tally or average, guests Lenore and twin sister Yolanda scored 5 and 6 respectively.  That gives Vampire’s Kiss a final Stink Total of 13.5, and an Average Stink Score of 4.5.  Not too shabby!

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As always, check out the trailer HERE.  Get yer hooves on a dvd copy at Amazon.  Or get it second-hoof at Ebay.  You can also find copies through Albris, FYE, and ElvisDVD.  There is a blu ray combo with the moovie High Spirits that is out of print, but you can get it at Target , Shout Factory ,  and Barnes & Noble.  The Tube of You has director Robert Bierman’s comments about the film, if yer dying to know those, and who isn’t?  You can find commentary about the film from the man himself, Nicholas Cage, HERE and HERE with none udder than Kevin Smith!     TeePublic has a fantastic tee shirt that fans of this flick simply mooooost have!  You can get it on a mug from them too!  Redbubble has a great tee too.  Get yer 27 x 40 poster from AMAZON.  Film School Rejects has a fun list of 47 things they learned from this moovie, and we’re sure they cud find 47 moore, if they looked harder.  AND, for cowpleatists, if you NEED a vegan iron-on adhesive embroidery Vampire’s Kiss patch, then Etsy has you covered.

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We here at Indie Film Cafe know yer gonna love Vampire’s Kiss, so check it out, right in time fer COW-lloween!
:=8D

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