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Episode 39: Curse of Bigfoot

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“The Curse of Bigfoot” is a dull, hopeless mishmash of a moovie, cowbining pseudo-documentary scenes, boring stock footage, and fake teenage archaeologists, resulting in a low, dull, throbbing headache of a film. When the MooCow was just a calf in the sickening 70’s, this film played practically every Saturday on the Creature Double Features of years past. That makes it good for nostalgia, but wretchedly poor for entertainment, as the kids at Indie Film Cafe recently found out, to their chagrin – check out their latest PODCAST to discover just cow the heck they managed to survive this one!

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Grrr, I’m a bigfoot…or an Indian mud mummy…or a thing…or…sumthin’

Basically, the story boils down to 3 separate boring and poorly-made entities, all vying woefully for our attention in the vain hopes that something even remotely interesting might take place. Part one is a scene in a ‘typical’ 70’s high school(where they teach courses on monsters in mythology??), where a group of pasty-faced, greasy-haired teens are treated to stern, melodramatic lecture on “real monsters” by an irksome little dork with Coke bottle glasses.

Part two is a horrendous cowbination of a fake documentary on Bigfoot (a la “The Legend of Boggy Creek”,only not nearly as good), and some of the moost boring stock footage of the logging industry you’re ever likely to witness. Seriously – if yer idea of fun is to watch endless minutes of logs rolling into the water, over and over again, this cow feels very, very sorry for you. The final part shows a group of teenage archaeologists, and their dopey teachers, who “excavate” a mummified (Indian?? Bigfoot?? Film Producer??) thingy, which revives somecow and runs amok and kills the local deputy dawg. The quick-thinking teens (who all apparently end up catatonic, or worse, at the end of the moovie, according to the spiteful dork lecturer at the beginning) douse the hairy whatsit with gasoline and set it on fire.

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HELP!  They said this suit was flame retardant!

Egads, this was bad, I’m not gonna lie, folks.  Moody and the MooCow both held their noses and awarded 9.5s, while a shell-shocked Lenore chipped in with a 9, giving “Curse of Bigfoot” an overall Stink Score of 28, and a Stink Average of 9.3.  Yikes!

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Well, we gotst the 1978 trailer for “Curse of Bigfoot” HERE.  It is in the public domain, which means you can check it out on the Tube of You HERE.  For those of you who need, need, need to have a physical copy in yer greedy little hooves (I’m right there with you), Uncle AMAZON has a number of copies, including a two-fer with “Cathy’s Curse”.  You can also find it on EBAY, WALMART, and BUSTBUY.  Git yer hooves on the fun RIFFTRAX version at their website.  Get the vintage-style poster for the moovie on EBAY; apparently on 7 are known to exist, so they are pricey.  There are no “Curse of Bigfoot” tee shirts that this cow can find (shame), but here at TeePublic you can find all sorts of shirts with the Big Hairy Guy which you can wear while viewing.

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Yeah, this guy – see him?  Well, he’s NOT in this moovie…

The MooCow says, if pure, abject failure is what you’re after, look no farther than “Curse of Bigfoot”.  While it was made by and starred pretty much no one, one of the students was played by Jackey Neyman Jones, who also acted in the infamous Manos The Hands of Fate, and has appeared in the “Manos” follow-ups, including the new production by IFC buddy Johnny Johnson and Darkstone Entertainment!

 

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