Episode 113: Totem (1999)

Hey everyone… Jonathan Moody is back for another blog! Here’s another review we did VIA zoom so no Paul in this episode. This time to chat about the 1999 David DeCoteau/ Full Moon flick, “Totem”. Of course since its Full Moon I had to ask my buddy Dustin Hubbard to come back, with special guest John Ward. The last time they were on the show together was “White Wolves: A Cry in the Wild 2”. This time it’s a completely different kind of flick. And it was worse than I remembered it being! Oh boy was it worse! Check out the latest episode on Indie Film Cafe!

From the IMDB Plot: 

Six people find themselves inexplicably transported to a remote cabin that is surrounded by an invisible barrier. In a nearby graveyard, they discover an ancient, carved stone monument that they dub a “totem pole.” Soon, they find themselves trapped in a murderous plot by malevolent forces that can control and manipulate their actions with the ultimate goal being to unleash three demonic entities from the monument.

I’m sorry, but I didn’t fully get all of that from the actual movie itself. It was very confusing. I mean that plot right there sounds like a lot of fun; and the movie Dustin, John, and I watched was not nearly as fun. It was way cheesier, and the totem monsters are very laughable. But of course the actors took it very seriously.  Speaking of actors the lead actor Jason Faunt would move on to become a Power Ranger. The lead girl Marissa Tait would go on to be on The Bold and the Beautiful after this movie. David DeCoteau is very good at finding talented cast members who later become super famous on other films/series. I guess David is a bit of a stepping stone to bigger things. 

Even though Dustin doesn’t remember this he picked this movie when I was chatting with him on Messenger. I asked him to pick a full moon 90s/00s movie to review and he said, “Well Totem is one of the worst of the DeCoteau full moon movies we should do that one”… so blame Dustin if you want but I love getting some of the stinkier movies on here anyway. Especially since Season 5 is all about finding the worst of the worst if we can. However this one isn’t one of the worst movies… not even the worst of David DeCoteau’s catalogue of films. 

Speaking of which the scores are in… And although this was a stinker none of us found it to be 10-worthy. I was the only who gave it the roughest of scores, with a 9; meanwhile Dustin and John both agreed that 8 is what it truly deserved. Making it a Stink Score of 25, which is a Stinky Average of 8.3 – once again not the worst score, but damn pretty high on the Ladder of Stink. That is up there with Prehistoric Bimbos in Armageddon City, Dark Wolf, Cat Women of the Moon, Ankle Biters, Alien Beasts, Pocket Ninjas, and Wild World of Batwoman

Well that wraps up another blog for me… Paul is going to take over and tell you where you can find this. Take it away Paul…

Moo everyone! Check out the O-fficial trailer right HERE. It can be seen for free on TUBI. And you can check out the full moovie on Youtube, if you are so inclined. You can stream it on Amazon Prime, as well as Full Moon Streaming. For a physical copy u can find the DVD at Amazon, Walmart, Oldies.com, and DVDPlanet.com. It also pops up on the re-sale market at places like EBAY. if yer lucky you can find it as part of a 3 disc set on the Rituals of the Occult DVD at thrift stores, and the like, from time to time, or on Ebay. Goldposter.com has the digital version of the moovie poster in couple of sizes. No mugs or tee shirts, but if yer really lucky you might be able to grab a toy version of the totem critter from Ebay!!! Its also at Collectors.com, folks!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s