Episode 83: Geteven (1993)

SOOO, are you ready to do the Shimmy Slide?? Of course you are!! Remember the early 90’s, when awful country moosic roared back to life, like a moldering trucker cap zombie, and everyone wanted to country line dance?? Yes, its a horrible period of US history which we cowllectively try to suppress, but then here comes the ol’ MooCow ready to dig it up and make Moody and special co-host guest Just Jenn remember and re-suffer in the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe! Get ready for Geteven!

Yes, good ol’ John DeHart, doing his best pre-Neil Breen, is the rootin’ tootin’ fightin’ cop/limousine driver/ninja expert who fights against police and government corruption, drug dealing satanists, becomes a country moosic star, AND gets the girl with the big boobs – in this case, former Playboy playmate Pamela Jean Bryant. All this AND a very drunk and unstable Wings Hauser too! What moore cud you possibly want? Wanna hear some awful John DeHart crooning, we gotcha covered!

A total vanity project of the worst kind, poorly made and poorly executed, bound to inflict endless pain and suffering upon the viewer – no wonder the MooCow loves it so much!

So, John DeHart and Wings Houser are cops fired after being setup by their corrupt boss (William Smith), who somecow then gets appointed as judge, BUT who also secretly heads a satanic drug-dealing cult – you know, as you do. After his wife is “killed” by the cult, DeHart is determined to bring the cult down. Wings Hauser drinks a lot, including bleach, and inexplicably has a Native American mannequin hanging around for shits n gigs. John DeHart is about the moost awkward action star you’ll ever see, and his less-than dollar import night karaoke warbling puts this flaccid flick over the top into stinky stardom. Also, there is a poodle who dances while eating butter from a spoon. CAN YOU STAND THE INTENSE EXCITEMENT??? :=8O

This moovie…WOW, it is the cinematic equivalent to being clubbed to death like a baby seal. It is punishment that should be outlawed by the Geneva Cowvention. It is many strands of crap somecow coming together and forming a new form of crap that is unlike any of the crap we’ve shown before on this show! All this and some singularly cringeworthy country moosic just takes the stinky cake!

Yeah, this one got swift 10’s form both Moody and the MooCow – just bad, bad, BAD! Unexpectedly, it was Just Jenn who had room in her heart to cut a tiny bit of slack for this film, and only gave it a 9.5, as she liked some of the sets – that gives Geteven/Champagne and Bullets/Road to Revenge a Stinky Total of 29.5, and a Stink Average of 9.8. WOW, that is a horrific pall of stink, but STILL we haven’t hit a 30 yet on the season. Ok, yer no Neil Breen, John DeHart, but it was a very good try.

We have trailerage right here. Now and then the VHS copy shows up on Etsy or Ebay. Good luck finding this one in DVD anywhere; cowever, you CAN find the Blu Ray Champaign and Bullets cut of this film courtesy of Vinegar Syndrome, and trust me you want this! It has the commentary from John DeHart himself as well as the re-edited cuts released as Geteven and Road to Revenge. So go and get it NOW!!! In addition, you can get this kewl Geteven Tee Shirt on Redbubble!

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