Episode 81: Sextette (1978)

Soooooo…what do you think was the moost horriffic, groady, vile, disturbing, and grossest horror moovie of 1978? Halloween? Dawn of the Dead?? Invasion of the Body Snatchers???
It was the skeezy, wince-inducing, dirty old lady moosical Sextette, starring the shambling, 27,586 year old mummified corpse of Mae West, pre-Bond Timothy Dalton, Dom DeLuise, and a handful of drugged-up 70’s rock and roll icons who shoulda known better and probably didn’t care. Did I mention it was a moosical??? [SHUDDER] :=8P

Yes, the moldering, undead revenant of Mae West stars as Marlo Manners, dug up and dressed in garish costumes that would have made a 1920’s flapper blush, and commanded to walk and talk and make filthy double entendre puns and one-liners that not even Arnold Schwarzenegger would have dared drop (speaking of which, he was originally up for Dalton’s role!!!) – clearly there is malevolent necromancy at work here the likes of which we as a good, clean, righteous people should fight against with all of our strength and power! Somecow Moody, the MooCow, and newcoming co-host Jolynn Holcolm manage to survive the IFC’s latest podcast episode!

Bad enough that Marlo Manners has totally gaslit Timothy Dalton into believing that she is ‘young and beautiful’, to the point where they share a song about it, Captain and Tennille, no less! But to see and hear the painted lich slobber and drool over young Olympian bodies is simply a mind boggling grotesquaria that has to bee seen to be believed. BACK TO THE GRAVE UNHOLY UNDEAD FIEND!!! :=8O

There is udder bad stuff in here too, but trust the MooCow you won’t notice too much, at least upon first viewing, since you will be pummeled almoost senseless, like a baby seal, by the avalanche of bad songs, unfunny humor, and dirty puns, to say nothing of weirdness of seeing Mae West in her many overdressed, byzantine, pastel-vomit costumes strutting about and talking as though she were 19 – ok, maybe 1919!! :=8/

I was sooo hoping for some brain-munching action, but no…

Ok, we kid, we kiiiiid, the shuffling wight of Mae West can make whatever moovie she likes (please don’t haunt me!). Well, the votes are in, and while this undead frightfest was pretty bad, we have all certainly seen worse – especially on this show! The MooCow gave Sextette an 8.5, while Moody went with a 7.5, and newbie Jolynn went with an 8.0, giving Sextette a total Stink Score of 24, and that’s a Stinky Average of 8.0. On the Ladder of Stink its tied with a whole parcel of similarly stinky offerings, please check it out! Odoriferous, to be sure, but there is always worse out there!

Check out the skeezy trailer right HERE. You can see it for free on the Tube of You, and you can catch it on Prime as well. Physical copies of this zombie schlockfest are hard to come by, even Uncle Amazon only rarely has a pricey copy. You can find it on the resale market in places like Ebay, although it won’t be much cheaper. The cheapest place might be Family Video. To the MooCow’s knowledge, this gem has yet to be unleashed to the general public on blu ray, which may be a blessing in disguise – do we really want an ultra-clear close up of that ancient crumbling visage, I tell you NO! You can, cowever, git yer hooves on a nice full color poster of the film at Movieposters.com and Allposters.com. An original 27 x 41 poster can be found on Amazon too. And, of course, good ol’ Ebay. MoviePosters2.com will put that poster on a mug for you because why the heck not?? You can find songs from the moovie all over YouTube, if yer a real glutton for punishment, but this really kewl REVIEW goes over all of them, plus a whole lot moore!

Speaking of a whole lot moore, I’m just gonna drop this riiiiight here, and moove on to our next episode…

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