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Episode 80: Crack in the Floor (2001)

Ahhh, Gary Busey – one of a select group of actors (Nic Cage, C. Thomas Howell, Eric Roberts) whose mere presence in a film can elevate it from a dull bit of dreary dishwater into stinky high jinx heaven. Since first encowntering his Buseiness way, way back as a calf in 1980’s Carny (with a young, super snuggly Jodie Foster!), this sharp-eyed cow cud tell that this was a performer to keep an eye on. Or two, even. And indeed, in the many role he has graced us with over the years, from the crazy Jack Joshua in Lethal Weapon, to crazy Buck Mathews in Eye of the Tiger, and to the ummm crazy Millard Findlemeyer in Gingerdead Man, you just cowm to expect certain things when you get a moovie with the Gare Bear. And you get here in A Crack in the Floor, to be sure. but is it enough to push the film from ho-hum into HOHOHO??? Check out the latest Indie Film Cafe Episode, featuring Moody and new co-host guests Mark D. Valenti and Jo Gonsalves, as they review this flick, to find out!

So little Jeremiah gets to watch his mother raped and killed, and so naturally he decides to live udder the floorboards of his family’s cabin in the woods and murder anyone who dares come near. because, that happens. Well, I guess sometimes you have to make your own fun. Cotton-pickin’ hillbilly old coot Sheriff Talmidge (Bo Hopkins, the Wild bunch, White Lightning, The Rat Patrol) can’t figure out whose killen’ them damn hikers, and then yet anudder group of dopey kids, including Mario Lopez (Slater in Saved By the Bell) shows up just in time to get pitchforked. Also hanging around are Rance Howard (Clint and Ronnie’s actor dad), David (“I did One Great Moovie American Werewolf in London and the Rest is Crap” Naughton), and Tracy Scroggins (Demonic Toys, Alien Intruder, and a bunch of Babylon 5 tv bullstuff). Killings, shenanigans, weird dialog, and, ummm, chicken murder, follow like white on rice, as you do.

Yeah, this one is a mess, and doesn’t have nearly enough wacky Busey mooments to save the film, in this cow’s opinion – although there are a few weird ass scenes and some pretty unforgettable lines, such as “You know what’s good about that suppository? When she farts, it’s gonna smell like southern fried chicken. You hold that in your heart.” and “Would you like to snap one of ’em’s neck? I got a lot out in the back, and the minute they die, you can smell the rabies leave their body. It’s spectacular.” Oh Tyler Trout, Tyler Trout, you had such promise, such majesty, such gonzo over the top Busey potential: why cudn’t the entire film revolved around you??? Directors Sean Stanek and Corbin Timbrook, you missed a golden opportunity! Just wind the man up and let him go, he’s a moovie unto himself! I mean, am I the only one who didn’t care about Jeremiah and his pitchforky murderings, but wanted tons moore wisdom from Tyler Trout? Gahhh, I was so unfulfilled!

Well, the votes are in, and the IFC kids say this one is fairly stinky! Moody awarded the film an 8, while Jo Gonsalves went with a 7; Mark D. Valenti, on the udder hoof, didn’t mind the flick too much, and gave it a 5, giving A Crack in the Floor a total Stink Score of 20, that’s a Stinky Average of 6.7! On the Ladder of Stink that ties with such stinkers as The Karaoke Kid, The Killer Tongue, and Robo C.H.I.C. – Great stinky company indeed! :=8D

Here is your TRAILER, enjoy! And here is the Turkish trailer! It is floating around the Tube of You for free, including a German version; but if you need, want, and desire the physical medium, well Uncle Amazon has you covered. It is also on Prime. You can also find it at Oldies.com and Wallyworld. Find it re-sale vie Ebay. There is no blu ray release that this cow has been able to find, but you never know. Download the poster at Cinematerial.com ; they have the Turkish poster as well, as you do. No udder merch for this flick cud be found, but HorrorFan4Life does a review.

Well, if yer lookin’ for a cheesy, stinky flick that has at least a whiff of Batshitcrazy Gary Busey, A Crack in the Floor gives you a lil’ taste of what might have been, and for some of us that’s plenty enough! The IFC kids say check it out, and watch out for those chickens!
;=8)

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