Episode 76: Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove (2005)

Yarrrrr, shiver me timbers and swap me poop deck, its time for a little pirate stinkage here on Indie Film Cafe, and have we got a treasure chest of stink for you today! Yep, yer old pal the MooCow, Moody, and new co-host actress Elizabeth Fletcher walk the plank to see the Asylum‘s 2005 classic Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove, and its moore fun that a squawking parrot with an eye patch on your shoulder! Written and directed by Gary Jones, an FX guy who also directed such films as Spiders (2000), Planet Raptor (2007), and Axe Giant: the Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013), this wacky flick is a sort of cross between The Fog and Leprechaun, only with a lot moore beheadings! Check out the latest Indie Film Cafe EPISODE to listen to our discussion, and maybe a sea shanty or two?

So, when a bunch of dumb ass ‘teens’ find a treasure chest and toss a skull into the ocean, naturally that act releases the spirit of the dead, dread pirate Jolly Roger LaForge (duh!), who begins to search for the descendants of them that done him wrong – and the heads start rolling, beginning with the dumb ass teens! Except two, Alex and Jessie, who get taken downtown by Chief/Sheriff/Lieutenant/Whatever Mathis for questioning. And because these cops are all extremely terrible at what they do, the teens escape with laughable ease, and wander around town while Jolly R starts lopping heads. Eventually Mathis figures out where to find the teens, who have discovered who Jolly Roger is by finding his picture in the local high school computer, and there is a final cowfrontation the ends with a lot of pirate talk, heads in chests, and mayyyyybe room for a sequel? There’s some flotsam about betrayal by the town’s founders (like the Fog), there’s a weird Karen-like Mayor who knows something’s up, but cowveniently sticks around town to get herself chopped, there’s a secretary who sits around all day playing games on the cowputer and listening to moosic (what, like you don’t at work too??), and a beheadin’ at a strip club (as you do), so there is enough silly nonsense to keep the plot rollicking along, and nothing to think too deeply about. In fact, just don’t think at all, and yer enjoyment of the film will go way up!

You’ve seen Tom Nagel (Alex) before in such films as The Beast of Bray Road (2005), Pirates of Treasure Island (2006), and The Butcher (2006); he also directed Clowntown (2016) and the Toybox (2018), and co-founded Steel House Productions. Kristina Korn plays Jessie with pluck and aplomb; curiously, Jolly Roger seems to have been the only full-length feature in her career, although she has also been in a few shorts. Thomas Downey (Mathis) is an Asylum vet, and has been in a ton of stuff, including The Next Karate Kid (1994), War of the Worlds (2005), The Beast of Bray Road (2005), Dracula’s Curse (2006), and Sorority Party Massacre (2012), among udders. Kim Little, who plays Mathis’ deputy Lowenstein, is also a veteran presence, having acted in such films as Almighty Fred (1996), Jane White is Sick and Twisted (2002), Scarecrow Slayer (2003), and Supercroc (2007) – although WHY her character just lets Jolly Roger walk away and not shoot him with her fully loaded weapons which she has out and trained on him is beyond this cow’s tiny brain. Speaking of Jolly R himself, he is played (with much less humor than expected) by Rhett Giles, who is also an Asylum vet with a lot of moovies udder his belt, along with a number of tv series (Home and Away, All Saints, Lost, Nip/Tuck, Alias). The IFC kids pretty mooch all agreed the acting in this film was decent enough, but the story and plot was just ridiculous and silly…and fortunately also a lot of fun.

Ahoy, Me Hearties! Batten down The hatches because the votes are in, and this weird, stinky pirate flick has left us six feet deep! Both Moody and yer old pal The MooCow, old salts of the stink game, awarded 8.5s, while newbie Ms. Liz, perhaps just getting her sea legs, went for a 7, giving Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove a Stink Total of 24, which is a Stinky Average of 8.0! We’ve all been keel-hauled by worse, but its still a respectable stink score for such a scurvy scalawag! Pour yerself a shot of the strong stuff!

Oddly enough, dis cow cudn’t find a trailer – but this salty dog is all over the Tube of You for free, an is on TUBI as well. As for a physical copy, well, I don’t see it currently at the Asylum’s WEBSITE, but that doesn’t mean they won’t release it at some point. You can still pick it up from Uncle Amazon fairly inexpensively, as well as EBAY and Alibris. Dunno about a blu ray or vhs version out there, but you never know. Pick up the poster from the Movie Poster Shop.com, and also Wally World and Posterazzi. Not moooch else by way of merch, but if yer a fan of the film check out the Asylum’s website above.

C’mon, u KNOW you wanna watch a stinky pirate film (at least one WITHOUT Christopher Atkins and Kristy McNichol!), so listen to the kids from Indie Film Cafe and check out Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove, or you’ll be walkin’ the plank come sundown!

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