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Episode 57: Hanuman and the Five Kamen Riders (1974)

Yeahhhh. There really isn’t much to say about Hanuman and the Five Riders, apart from that its a batshit-crazy balls-to-the-wall weird unofficial drug-induced Thai rip-off of a Japanese film that ripped off a Japanese kiddie tv show, dubbed by what this cow can only politely suggest were acid-snorting potheads eating drugs. Seriously, all of the drugs. So naturally this is exactly the kind of stink bomb that the MooCow regularly inflicts on his hapless friends, and now onto the rest of humanity, thanks to the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, where Moody, the MooCow, and special guest reviewer Rebecca Rinehart moan and groan and wail their way through a very special review podcasts – truly the moans of pain are heartbreaking on this episode, so check it out!

Behold, Hanuman, the annoying, capering part monkey Hindu god who cannot close his mouth.

Soooo…the evil King Dark, previously killed an an-udder Kamen Riders moovie, has reappeared in Thailand, where he needs to consume the blood of hot chicks, and where he needs a scientist to help him complete his Frankenbat monster, a bunch of cheaply costumed Thai animal dudes, make some exploding ostrich eggs, and, it would seem, conquer the world, except for Oakland. The Kamen Riders (weird pre-Power Ranger Japanese ant super heroes on bikes) show up via about 25 minutes of footage literally stolen an-udder film, and fisticuffs ensure; then Monkey Boy gruesomely kills 3 idiots who were trying to steal the head of a Buddha statue, send them down to weird Thai hell, full of boiling people alive in caldrons and forcing nude women to climb spiked poles for eternity while being stabbed with polearms; but one escapes because King Dark magically summons him, and together they capture the scientist and his squeeze Julie, they make the ridiculous monsters, a guy gets peed in the face, there is a big fight where everyone fights everything; Frankenbat and the rubber suited monsters are defeated, but then a slew of guys in cheap silly animal masks show up (the Thai boxing animal dudes), and more fights happen; THEN King Dark grows to enormous size, and fights a huge sized monkey boy; monkey boy wins, the 3 idiots get their heads chopped off in hell, and thankfully the whole weird, cowfusing mess grinds to a halt, sort of.

Don’t we all??

Oh yeah, 10’s all around for this one! Moody, the MooCow, and poor special guest Rebecca Rinehart (who had no idea what she was in for) all agreed pretty quickly that the stink coming off this weird Asian turd was overwhelmingly bad, and the phrase “it feels like being on drugs that haven’t even been invented yet” were bandied about when referring to this film. Full 30 on the Stinkometer, and a Stinky Average of 10. BE WARNED FOLKS!!! :=8O

The whackadoodle trailer is HERE. Good luck finding a copy of this unofficial, bootleg crazy mess; there is an expensive dvd on EBAY. There are various versions for free on Youtube, including the Wu Tang Collection version, but do yourself a huge favor and check out the straaaaange English dub – trust the MooCow on this one! It also shows up on Mega. I wish I cud show you merch for this flick, but as a bootleg there really is none.

Yes, please go away…

Seriously, a weirder, moore terrible film is difficult to find – but if yer like me then this is right up your dark scary alley! Check out Hanuman and the Five Riders soon (but be warned its NOT for kids because of blood, boobage, and violence!), it will definitely weird up your day!
;=8)

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