The Indie Film Cafe Movie Reviews!

Holy S*it, its a giant POO! No, really, its a giant monster poo, a MONSTURD, if you will, and its headed right for us!!!
:=8O
I dunno if this was the pitch those who made this wackadoodle moovie made for whoever bravely produced this moovie, but thank goodness it seemed to work, because the kids at IFC get to chat about this …ummm…production, at length in the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, including Moody, the MooCow, and our poo/fart/butt-loving pal actress Jackey Hall. Ugh boy, you don’t wanna miss this one!

Honestly, I’m not sure what what I loved moost about this flick, the gargantuan poo running around killing folks, or the pathetic lil hippie drug puppet that inexplicably pops up out of nowhere in the police station. He deserved his own moovie!
Instead we gots…well, a giant killer poo. There really isn’t moooch to say beyond this, I mean what else needs to be said? Yeah, yeah, there is this whole narrative-things about a serial killer who mutates through chemicals inside a sewer and so becomes a giant monster poo, but is anyone really paying attention to plot here? Heckers NO, we just wanna watch a giant poo bitch-slappin’ mofos like its going out of style – and it pretty mooch is because this is probably the only, and last, film that features this (not cownting Japan). And we gots some wacky-ass cops too.

So, Monsturd is written and directed by a pair of gentlemen, Rick Popko and Dan West; Popko is moostly an actor (he plays Deputy Rick here) from such udder films as The God Complex, Retardead, and one of our previous entries here at Indie Film Cafe, Rectuma. He also directed Retardead, which I can assure you will pop up on our show in the near future too! Dan West helped Popko write and direct this and Retardead; he plays Deputy Dan in this, and also shows up in all the aforementioned films – think of them as a poo version of Martin and Lewis.

In fact, pretty mooch everyone involved in this film was involved in the udder mentioned flicks in one way or an-udder – for example, Lisa Rein (who plays Rachel) also acts in Retardead, and she sings lead vocals on the theme songs Monsturd and Retardead. Timm Carney plays Timmy in Monsturd, and also a character named Timmy in Retardead. getting the picture? Its like Orson Wells and The Mercury Theatre…only for low budget poo and zombie flicks. Which is flapping awesome! :=8)
In the end the monsTURD get et by a bunch of poorly animated fake flies, so there’s that.

And the moovie – is it weird?? Oh yeah. Is it gross and icky? Heckers, yeah! Is it funny? Well…sometimes; it drags in spots (or scootches), and there are long parts where not mooch happens that cud have used less yap and moore…splat. Is it scary? Of course not, you’d have to be someone of very low cowstitution to be scared of such an extremely obvious poo suit. This is not what you might cowsider a particularly realistic film, and verisimilitude is not its strength. Is it entertaining? Well, check out the following Stink Scores and you shall see!

Oh yeah, baby, the scores are in, and it turns out Monsturd is some fairly smelly offal indeed, but not nearly as offensive as what we usually find left in our bowl. Moody gave the film a solid 7, while the MooCow followed with a 7.5, while Ms. Jackey Hall went with an 8, giving our fetid flick a solid 22.5 on the Stinkometer, which is a 7.5 Stinky Average. That puts Monsturd up there with the likes of Crater Lake Monster, Won Ton Ton, and Cornman on our Ladder of Stink. Very good company indeed!

Catch the trailerage HERE. You can check out the moovie for free on Youtube, and also on Tubi. It is also streaming over on Prime. You can still get yer hooves onna copy of the DVD at Amazon, but it ain’t cheap. Udderwise DVDPlanetStore.com is yer best bet, unless you want the re-sale market, in which case check out Ebay , Walmart, and/or Alibris. You can get the digital copy of the film poster at MoviePosterDB.com, Cinematerial.com, and MoviePosters2.com, which also has a physical copy for purchase. Go to IcePoster.com to get the poster on a tee shirt. A really kew original designed tee can be found at DePop, and if yer a fan of this moovie then you most def want this. TeePublic.com has the moovie on shirts, stickers, mugs, and hoodies, for your hard core Monsturd fan!

Emer Prevost does an amoosing Reaction & Review video, and the film shows up on the ABC’s of Horror Challenge; there are video reviews from Diamanda Hagan, Ramboraph4life, and UglyKatsuki. There are cowventional reviews at Silveremulsion.com, Attack of the Couch Potato, Dread Central, and Jay Hates Movies.

Ok, with a title like Bloodmarch Krackoon you know when a moovie promises glory and greatness, and if you insanely love weird, wacky, violent puppets then this moovie delivers with a Bronx Cheer! Because, yes, this film does indeed have insane, drug-addled killer raccoons running around the Big City (fuggetabout them rats!), killing and devouring anyone dumb enough to come near them. And just what would the IFC kids have to say about this – well check out the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, in which Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host the one and only Tina Krause, actress, director, and scream queen extraordinaire, check out this silly flick!

Well, it seems that Locust Point in the Bronx has itself a little problem – is it crime, drugs, The Yankees, Leona Helmsley back from the dead? Oh no, moooch worse: toxic waste! Moore specifically, them critters what been ettin’ up the said toxic waste, which are getting dead, deformed, and blood thirsty, and not necessarily in that order. Peter Rabbit (!!!) the Deputy Mayor of the town, sees this as an opportunity to win himself some fame and glory, and he gets his cousins to figure out what’s going on and out a stop to them “raccoons strung out on crack”. But there is moore than one, and they ain’t playin’! Things and stuff ensue, and the evil stuffies have come for munchies! WHO WILL SURVIVE??? :=8O

Awlright, this is a low budget/microbudget monster picture that is all new York attitude, and very little by way of horror, thrills, or genuine scares – cowever, if you are tickled pink by the sight of deformed evil critter puppets attacking and eating mofos, very mooch like the MooCow is, then yer in for a real treat! Sadly, that did not seem to be the same cup of tea for either Moody or Tina Krause, as we shall come to see – but don’t worry Bloodmarsh Krackoon, da MooCow gets you, and gets you good!
The moovie was written and directed by Jerry Landi (Bronx Bigfoot, Silent Deafening, Bill Huckstabelle Serial Rapist), and was embiggened from a short he made in 2010 called simply Krackoon – years ahead, I might add, before the wave of critters eating drugs flicks like Cocaine Bear and Meth Shark were around! Our old pal Jerry already had the vision, and he was able to bring it to toothy, stuffed furry life. Sal Amore and Scott Barile head the cast, moost of which are veteran B moovie actors who have worked with Landi previously; there are also some udder veteran actors in the cast such as Anthony Bisciello (The Making of the Mob), Cindy Guyer (Jack’s Back, the Mirror Has Two Faces), and Bob Connolley (Satan’s Whip, Those People) to round out the cast. Marc J. Makowski (Slime City Massacre, Killer Rack, Snow Shark)  was the producer.

It’s a silly moovie; it’s weird, it’s ridiculous, it’s cheap and kind of tawdry, but in the right mooood yer gonna have a fun time with this fetid lil flick! There are even some decent blood and gore effects, although the CGI are, well, special, in the short bus kind of way. And honestly sometimes the lighting and sound are problematic. But the actors are all invested and give it their all, the pacing is decent, the stuffies are amoosing as hell, AND you get to have the original short as an added bonus! WOOHOO!!!!

And the scores are in! Ok, not gonna lie, Ms. Krause was NOT amoosed! Maybe its because she’s a neighborhood girl, but she gave this furry feature a full 10 on the Stinkometer, while Moody awarded a 9.5, and the MooCow went with 8.5, giving Bloodmarsh Krackoon a total Stink Score of 28, which is a Stinky Average of 9.3, and putting this film on the Ladder of Stink right there along with the likes of Reflections of Evil, Fungicide, I am Here…Now, and a pile of udder ridiculous stinkers. High praise indeed!

Yo, we gots yer trailer right HERE. You can stream this on Prime, GooglePlay, and Mubi. You can buy the DvD from Uncle Amazon, or you have to get it re-sale through such sites as Ebay . It needs to be available elsewhere, damn it! Film Affinity.com has the digital poster, as does Gawby.com and MoviePosterDB.com, but that’s about it for schwag, I’m afraid.

There are a number of on-line reviews, including: You and Your Horror Movies, Nye’s Bizarre Cinema, RockShockPop.com, HorrorDNA.com, and Mondo Digital.com. There are also a number of nifty extras floating around, including a world premier video, a News 12 DVD Release, a Bronx Times article, a Search My Trash.com Interview with Jerry Landi, a HUGE Behind the Scenes video, and a Buffalo Dreams Q&A video!

Hey everyone… Jonathan is back again to give you my write up on the next Indie Film Cafe movie. And this time this movie was without Paul A Presenza; Paul I guess was busy or just wasn’t really in the mood to do an episode so I had to ask two people I know I can usually count on… John Ward and Madeline Deering. Two people who if you remember the last time they were on IFC together Madeline and myself loved the movie and John was not a fan. That was Knights of the City. Let’s see more about this latest episode of Indie Film Cafe… Soul Of The Demon.

Story From IMDB:
As a lark before a party on Halloween, two teenagers dig up a gargoyle statue. However, they unleash a murderous demon.

Well that pretty much sums this shot on video 1991 filmed-with-friends movie. Shot On Video is one of Madeline’s favorite type of horror flick so I knew she’d enjoy it a lot more than us. And she did. She enjoyed it the most. However John and I were both pleasantly surprised as well. We were going in to this film completely blind not sure what to expect.

Written, Produced, directed by Charles T. Lang. Who directed this and High Desert, two films you can see on Pendulum Picture’s 6 pack of horror movies put out by Brain Damage Films. This was his first feature, and for a first feature it wasn’t that bad. Sure some of the lighting didn’t look great but the majority of it did. And for an indie shot on video film to do something like that was truly amazing.

The acting was pretty damn good. You could tell Charles pretty much cast his friends or people he knew around the area and usually for those kind of movies the acting is very subpar or sometimes flat out terrible. But the acting in this was pretty damn good. Except for two… Mark Jacobs who had been in the film Blood Hook, Goodfellas, and Biloxi Blues. And Peter “Tazz” Senerchia who is also a big time wrestler. Cool to see some names were happy to be involved.

The special fx for a low budget demon flick were pretty great too. Shocking to see so much effort given in for a film that sadly didn’t get the best release. No offense to Brain Damage but I wish someone else had picked the movie up for distribution maybe more people would have heard of it. I hadn’t until I saw the title on my Pendulum Pack and was like this sounds cool, let’s do this. I hadn’t even seen it before we reviewed it.

With that being said now comes the fun part where I let you know what we all rated the film and where it stacks up on the Ladder of Stink. I was shocked to look back and see I gave it the highest stink score rating: I gave it a 4. Which isn’t really that bad but a bit surprising since I really did enjoy it and found it to be not that bad. Next up was John with a 3, and then Madeline with a 2. Giving it a total Stink Score of 9.5., which is a Stinky Average of 3.2, which so far only is tied with Rectuma. Not a bad movie to be double billed with. Though don’t expect any walking butts in this movie…

Well another day, another review done. I was happy this season we got to chat about SOV films. I hope to do more in the future. Maybe Charles’ next film sometime down the line. Next up Paul is going to review two more of his films. But before he does that… The Moo Cow is going to tell you how you can get your hooves on any kind of mooichandise or movie stuff from this flick… Take it away Moo Cow…

Sowwy, aint got no trailerage for all of you. BUT I gotst loads of places you can find this flick for freebies, including Youtube, and the Internet Archive. If u want to buy the DVD you pretty mooch have to get it with the Pendulum Pictures 6 pack, which you can get at Amazon and Ebay or from Frightmare Collectibles. Uh, yeah, there aint no blu ray of this coming out any time soon. BUT you can get the poster from Ice Poster.com

That’s about it for schwag, but there are a number of reviews and discussions about this film to check out, including: SOV Horror.com, the Schlock Pit, B&S About Movies, the Fright Bounce podcast, the Pit of the Pendulum, No-Budget Nightmares, and Damien Ruins Horror Movies.

Holy meatballs! Its Im-PASTA-ble! Its Spaghettiman!!!
:=8O
Yes, its the modern, high carb, and very tasty superhero with a side of sauce that is sweeping the nation! Well, its certainly sweeping the Latest Episode of Indie FIlm Cafe – check out what Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-hosts Cayt Feinics and Just Jenn have to say about this wackadoodle film! :=8D

So, dorky Clark becomes a paper bag-masked mootant super hero after a run-in with a malfunctioning microwave and a bowl of spaghetti – you know, as you do, and becomes what moost be one of the genuinely unique and funny super heroes of our time. Spaghettiman can fight crime with the powers of…pasta?? Like, seriously, he can shoot strands of spaghetti out of his arms, like silk from Spiderman’s wrists. And what does this special spaghetti do? Well, not much, but it is kind of annoying. So there you have it, the slacker superhero who annoys other people to death! And, since Clark is the kind of guy who sees no reason to not get paid for his efforts, he demands moolah for any and every good deed (or bad, or neither) that he does. I mean, Spaghettiman’s gotta eat too – you expect him to eat his own spaghetti? That’s kind of gross… :=8P

Spaghettiman is the wacky brainchild of writer/director Mark Potts, who has, in addition to a bunch of shorts, also directed such feature-length films as The Stanton Family Grave Robbery (2008), S&M Lawncare (2010), and Cinema Six (2012), with his latest effort being 2018’s Cop Chronicles: Loose Cannons: The Legend of the Haj-Mirage . Clearly the man has a sense of humor and a taste for the weird and wonderful which the MooCow finds a kindred spirit. according to IMDB, the Huffington Post described Potts as a ‘Man-child”, which the MooCow cowpletely takes to heart. He was an actor and writer, and he co-founded his own production company, Singletree Productions, in 2006. AND he is an editor for the L.A. Times!

So, is a fun, funny moovie with some witty jokes, some decent fight choreography, and a lot of very good performances. Clark/Spaghettiman is played by Benjamin Crutcher , an actor who has done moostly shorts acting, appearing in such small films as Ninja Valentine (2013) and Shitting Shoes: an Ode to Pooping at Work (2013). Clearly he possesses the same wacky sense of humor as Mark Potts, and they have definitely worked together on udder projects. Dale/Shadowman is played by Winston Carter, Katie is played by Leigh Wulff, and Anthony Banner is played by Brand Rackley. Rackley, Carter and Crutcher also helped write the script. Potts also served as editor. According to IMDB 45 pounds of real spaghetti was cooked and used as FX for this production – very tasty!

I think everyone was surprised at cow good this one turned out to be! The moovie gots 2s from both Moody and the MooCow, while Cayt Feinics awarded a 1.5, and Just Jenn gave it a 2.5 – since we had an extra score, Moody bowed out, giving Spaghettiman a Total Stink Score of 6.0, and a Stinky Average of just 2! That’s very low on the Stink score, and on the Ladder of Stink Spaghettiman ties Gamebox 1.0 Attack of the Killer Doughnuts, and Drunken Wu Tang as the lowest scoring flicks IFC has ever done! WOOHOOOO!!! :=8D

Check out the trailer right HERE. You can watch it for free on Tubi and Youtube. It is also on Prime, and you can pick up the DVD on Amazon. So far the only blu ray of this film is a Region B/2 version on Amazon; There is also a supposed region-free blu ray on EBAY, but buyer beware. Udderwise, you can also get the DVD at DVDLand.com, Mighty Ape, and through Umbrella Home Entertainment.com. Get the special 12×8 tin poster from Amazon! You can find the digital poster at TrailerAddict.com, and the MoviePosterDB.com.

SageDotDotDot has a fun video review right HERE. And Matt Mungle does an interview with Spaghettiman himself! The flick is also featured on Movie Maker Magazine, and gets a review at Screen Anarchy.

The MooCow says check it out!

:=8D

Hey everybody… Jonathan Moody here back again. Sorry it’s been so long. I’ve been busy and a lot has happened in my personal life but finally I sat down and wrote this out for you all. Cause I know how much you all enjoy these (whoever actually reads these) but here it is finally. And now the MooCow can get rest easy! Anywhoo this latest IFC episode we did was the Dolph Lundgren film, “Retrograde” which I was so excited to do. I hadn’t seen it but thought we hadn’t done a Dolph flick yet we gotta find something cheesy and hopefully fun. Cheesy it was. Fun ehhhh not as much. But thankfully I had Paul Presenza and Michael McGlynn joining me. This was Michael’s first and hopefully wasn’t his last episode on Indie Film Cafe.
Here’s the story from Wikipedia:

When a deadly microorganism threatens to wipe out the entire human race, the only hope for the future of mankind is to send a special team of soldiers back in time to prevent the virus from ever coming into existence. The year is 2204. Humankind is under attack from a fast-spreading super-bug that now threatens to destroy the very fabric of human civilization. The only hope lies with Captain John Foster (Dolph Lundgren) and his elite squad of genetically resistant soldiers. Captain Foster’s mission: travel back into the past, and ensure that the first infection never happens. Now, as Captain Foster’s team races to save the world, they realize that their actions in the present could yield dire consequences for the future.

So yeah that’s pretty much the story in a nutty nutshell.

As for the film itself it starred as I said Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV “I must break you”, I come in Peace “and you go in pieces) he didn’t really have any good memorable lines in this movie. Also stars Silvia De Santis (I am David, The Gambler who wouldn’t die, Shadows in the sun, and more); Joe Montana (Not the Football Player but the actor in The Bounre Identity, Helen of Troy, Legionnaire, and more); And Martial Artist/Actor Gary Daniels (The Expendables, Tekken, Astro, and more). With a cast like that I kind of expected it to be better than it was.

The director was Christopher Kulikowski. He has directed movies like Aurora, Pluripotent (which is a short). And The Reckoning (which is also a short). The writers were Christopher Kulikowski as well as Tom Reeve, who wrote George and the Dragon and Diggity’s Treasure, and as well as Gianluca Curti who wrote I Gilda, Bad Inclination, and A Bunch of Bastards. The cinematography was shot by Carlo Thiel who also shot A Thousand Oceans, Trouble no more, and Streak.

The movie itself was your typical most likely made for SyFy type of flick. A low rent boring Terminator but on a ship. Now Terminator on a ship sounds like it could have been really cool but sadly these guys don’t really know how to make that in to a cool thing. The acting isn’t completely atrocious but we have seen better acting. The lighting, the sound all of it was competently done and so that usually gets a few high marks and praises but with a budget of approximately 2 Million dollars it should have been competent.

Michael is one of those people that looks past a lot of flaws because it’s more indie than a Hollywood movie but still damn they really didn’t know how to make this one better. If you listen to our review of it you will hear some pretty honest thoughts on it. Paul and I usually just expect better especially when you actually have a decent budget. It just makes us respect the movies that cost 500 dollars a lot more. Maybe too many cooks spoiled the soup in this one.

Well with that being said now comes the fun part where I let you know what we all rated it and what it ranks up on the ladder of stink next to. First off Paul and I gave it a 6. Meaning we didn’t hate the movie really but we have seen a lot better. And Michael was kind enough to give it a 5.5. That’s still in the meh range. Which is a Total Stink Score total of 17.5, and a Stinky Average of 5.8.. Do we recommend this movie? Probably if you are a Dolph fan and you haven’t seen it yet. Or you just need something in the background. On the Ladder of Stink it’s the only one there. This is the first and probably won’t be the last 17.5

Anyway thank you all for checking this one out… we’ll try not to keep you guys waiting for so long next time. I mean we have so many more to catch up on. This was all my fault. I totally apologize. Anyhow… The MooCow is about to tell you guys how you can find it and if there’s any kind of merch for it… take it away, Moo Cow…

Moo everyone, glad to be back! So, we gots trailerage for dis film right HERE. You can also view the moovie for freebies on YOUTUBE, as well as Tubi. Grab yerself a DVD or Blu Ray copy at Uncle Amazon! Or for you cheapskates out there (and I one of you!) you can pick it up cheeeeep re-sale at Ebay. So CineMaterial.com has a bunch of different digital posters, if u want them, as does Movie Posters 2.com; MoviestillDB.com has posters and pics from the moovie as well!The Action Elite did a write up on this flick that was pretty good, and so does Spiral of Hope, and Ramboraph4life does a video review. Dats about it for schwag, folks, but I did find a podcast review at the Ultimate Dolph Guide.