Episode 104: Taoism Drunkard (1984)

AKA Drunken Wu Tang! Welcome to a batshit crazy, over the top chop socky moovie from the Yuen Clan that has to be seen to be believed! AKA Drunken Wu Tang and Miracle Fighters 3, and featuring the infamous, moovelous, has-to-be-seen-to-be-believed Watermelon Monster!!! Buckle up, Buckos, and git ready for the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, where Moody, the MooCow, and special guest Co-Host Jolynn are amazed and cowfounded by this wackadoodle flick!

So, poor Ratface (who drives a foot-pedaled rat mobile!) is drunk, as usual, and damages his brother’s temple statue – and since his brother is the head priest, he orders Ratface to…ummmm…find a ‘Cherry Boy’ as on offering to the gods, not as a sacrifice, but to do some odd little dance to appease the gods, you know, as you do. So, off he goes on an epic adventure which leads to, among udder things, the aforementioned Cherry Boy (after auditioning a few children, some of which pull their pants down for him!!!), Granny (a Taoist witch, played by the same actor as Ratface, but with a deep voice), Old Devil/Master Ruthless (the villain of the moovie), his henchmen, including a flying scarf-wielding Princess/Starry Devil, Turtle Man and Fatty, a host of ghosts, goofs, and the infamous Watermelon Monster – plus a whole lotta chop socky action that kind of gets buried because yer spending so mooch time laughing at the wild antics you see on screen!

This is the third, and unfortunately the last, in the series of Miracle Fighters moovies made by the Yuen Clan, named after Simon Yuen who played Jackie Chan‘s teacher in the Kung Fu classic Drunken Master (1978). in a very amooosing subplot, Sugar Plumb, sister of Cherry Boy’s girl friend Shiu Fang, is advised by a “ghost” (actually Shiu Fang!) that she has to marry Ratface if she wants to be happy, and so moooch to Ratface’s chagrin she spends the moovie chasing after him while all the fighting is going on. If you can’t keep up with everything going on in the narrative, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter, just watching the wackadoodle antics on stage is entertainment enough for 5 standard chop socky films – and just wait ’til you see that Watermelon Monster!!!

Wow, everyone was amazed by this one, and it really generated some low scores! Moody went with a 2, the MooCow a 1, and Jo awarded the film a 3, giving Taoism Drunkard AKA Drunken Wu Tang a very respectable Stink Score of 6, which is a Stinky Average of 2 – on the Ladder of Stink this film ties Gamebox 1.0 with the lowest score on IFC! Viva Yuen Clan!!! :=8D

Check out the over the top trailer right HERE. Oooofta, this one is a hard one to find, you pretty mooch have to go overseas. But if yer willing to plop down a bit of scratch (and you SHOULD for this one!), then you can find the dvd at DVDPlanetStore.com, and in theory at least you can get an All Regions dvd right from Hong Kong from YESASIA.com – but I dunno what yer gonna get – someone buy one and let the MooCow know! You can download the digital version of the poster at MoviePosterDB.com as well as Cinematerial.com! That’s about it as far as swag goes for this film BUT legend has it that there is a 4th Miracle Fighter moovie out there, never released outside of Hong Kong, called Taoism Drunkard and the 14 Amazons – if anyone can get a line on this one the MooCow would be very interested indeed!

If you love Shaw Brothers flicks, you will really enjoy this Lo Wei production as a fun, insane alternative comedy Kung Fu flick that literally does not have a single dull mooment! Bucket List moovie you have to see before you die – GO FIND IT!!!


Episode 103: Pocket Ninjas (1997)

Hey everyone! Jonathan Moody back here again! This time we are here to talk about Pocket Ninjas. Yes you read that right…. Pocket… Ninjas… sadly disappointed it wasn’t Ninjas that could fit in your pocket but knowing a little bit about this flick I knew It was more or less a 3 Ninjas rip off. And we had to do it in the studio (Well in this case in Paul’s new house) and we had to find some poor soul to watch it with us so we decided to bring in poor Lenore Miller for the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe!

Yes Lenore was back this year when she was visiting VA. We suckered her in to watching Turkish Star Wars which she actually fell asleep to. But did she fall asleep to Pocket Ninjas…No! She was probably very close. She did look pretty bored at times. But at least she stuck through it. Pocket Ninjas was a disaster of a movie. Not the worst thing we’ve ever seen by far but not the greatest either. It was pretty stinky. When you understand that the original director was fired and the other director seem to mesh with what the original director wanted to do (And I think they even brought in one more director to clean it up) it just becomes one incoherent mess

When the original director is our buddy Donald G Jackson you can def see his stamp of quality on the film, mainly with the kids. And his beautiful cinematography choices of showing the lens hood. This movie is no Rollergator – hell its no Baby Ghost either! But the shots Donald did are by far the best of the film. The shots done by the other directors including weird Robert Z’Dar scenes involving a video game and him being another character in the real world. The random montages that just keep happening and go on an on and on… make the movie drag to the point where I’m like why couldn’t ya just keep Donald! 

Lenore was in to it a lot more than I expected. She did find a lot of fault in it but we all did. It was not a movie that can be viewed as even competent. I first heard of this movie when Paul had a poster of it on our wall. I looked in to it and really wanted to do it. This is a movie that Paul knew way more about and has most likely seen way more than I probably ever will. He loves to torture people with bad movies. I don’t feel the same way! All in all this movie was terribly stinky but it gave us a great episode.

The score are in: Lenore was the first one up and though she thinks its a pretty stinky she seemed to like it more than Paul and I did. She gave it 7.5. And I wasn’t as particularly nice and I gave it a 9. And Paul went a step below and gave it a 8.5 making it a total of 25, which puts it with Alien Beasts, Ankle Biters, Cat Women on the Moon, Darkwolf, and Prehistoric Bimbos From Armageddon City. That’s a Stinky Average of 8.3! Boy is that interesting group of movies! 

Well that’s it for me! Paul will be taking over and telling ya fine gents and ladies where you can find this stink bomb!

Moo everyone! Git yer Pocket Ninjas trailerage right HERE. See the whole moovie for free on Youtube! Oh, so you want a physical copy that you can hold and caress to enjoy all that stinky badness? Well, yer in luck because Uncle Amazon has it on dvd for you! And also Oldies.com! And you can find it on Ebay too. I even found a vhs copy on Listia! It seems pretty unlikely that this feeble flick will ever see the light of day as a Blu ray, but should it happen you will know about it here first! Trust me, there is not a lot of Pocket Ninja swag out there, I know huge surprise, but you can download the digitals of two different posters on GoldPoster.com, and, ummm, that’s about it.

For unbridled failure, few flicks can top Pocket Ninjas, but you can’t blame poor Donald G. Jackson for this one!


Episode 102: Wild World of Batwoman (1966)

Wild Bikini Girls on Happy Pills Thwart a Mad Doctor From Blowing Up the World With an Atomic Hearing Aid, er something like that, I don’t really know…

If you dare, join Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host Just Jenn (back for moore!) as they suffer – and I mean SUFFER! – through this ridiculous, wackadoodle flick on the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe! Oh god, so much dancing!!!

AKA: She Was a Hippy Vampire. No, she really wasn’t. :=8/

Oh the pain, the agony of this moovie. Truth be told, there really is no plot to this movie, just a bunch of scatterbrained beach bimbos, brain-dead masked villains, mad doctors with smarmy chimp-like assistants, and one creaky, dust-covered Batwoman (Katherine Victor), all ground together into one hopeless mish-mash of a movie. Legend has it that this movie was sued both by the Bat Man people (for obvious reasons) and by Ray Dennis Steckler – the villain is a masked doofus named Rat Fink, and it apparently ripped off the legendary Rat Pfink A Boo Boo. To say nothing of the TV series Bat Man!! A moovie that uses Rat Pfink A Boo Boo as it’s material source?!?!?!??? That does not bode well, and indeed, the film is an incomprehensible cow flop. Welcome to the Wild World of Jerry Warren indeed!

What dialogue can be made out is usually stupid and delivered with mind-numbing mono-tones. And let’s just forget the hopelessly racist and unfunny fake Chinese seance. Special effects include a hair dryer used as a gun and wrist watches used as 2 way radios. Oh, and the bad guy becomes 5 bad guys for a while, and the Mole People drop in for a while, there’s a jangly Whitest People Ever beach party, and the bikini girls dance lethargically in the background for no apparent reason, and I could go on and on and on, much like this movie does. Moost of these folks, including Bat Woman herself, end up on Warren’s even-worse stinker Frankenstein Island, against which this miserable floppage would be cowsidered Citizen Kane. For you MST3K fans, this is the infamous episode where poor Tom Servo looses his shit when the film refuses to end.

Well the scores are in, and suffice to say Wild World of Bawoman AKA She Was a Hippy Vampire got a pretty stinky score: The MooCow awarded a 9, and Just Jenn gave an 8, while Moody backed away from a 10 and settled with a 9, giving our feeble flick a total Stink Score of 26 – and that’s a Stink Average of 8.7! Pretty durn stinky, but then we have definitely smelled worse on this show! ;=8)

Check out the trailer HERE. And check out the moovie for free on the Tube of You! And definitely check out the hi-sterical MST3K version – pick up the dvd from good ol’ Uncle Amazon, or from Shout Factory.com! Get the standard version of the film on dvd from The Video Beat.com, or Sinister Cinema, or go the re-sale route with Ebay. You can get a copy of the wacky poster at MoviePosterShop.com or ArtHipo, or the B&W alternate poster at Cinematerial.com. For those of you with deep pockets, you can get an authentic 1966 poster for only $195.00 at Film/Art Gallery.com! Get the tee shirt at IDPoster.com, and some funny original Batwoman tee designs at HorrorFIlmTees.com. BTW, at IDPoster.com you can get all kinds of swag with the WWBW poster printed on it, from coffee mus to pillows, tote bags, magnets, face masks, hoodies, mouse pads, and even phone covers! Who wouldn’t love that?? :=8D

Go and check out the Wild World of Batwoman – you know you want to! ;=8)


Episode 101: Disaster Wars (2013)

Hey everybody welcome to the next episode of Indie Film Cafe! This is your buddy Jonathan Moody here once again to talk about this movie I picked for the fifth season! In this episode we had to ask Jackey Hall to come back. I don’t know why she agreed after having watched the abysmal flick Midget Zombie Takeover with us but she agreed to come back anyway! God bless her soul! 

For this episode I wanted to do, “Disaster Wars: Earthquake VS Tsunami” which I had remembered wasn’t nearly as bad as it actually was. Bad is a bad word for it.. boring is a better word. It’s a disaster movie where nothing really happens. I mean things happen (I guess) but we couldn’t understand half of it! 

Slowest tsunami and moost boring in history….

The Story was a mash of different disaster movie cliches all melted in to one sort of glob of boringness. The FX if you can even call them that were also very terrible. The problem with doing a low budget disaster movie is if you can’t afford really good CGI then you probably shouldn’t do it. That was not the case with these filmmakers.

With a cast like Joe Estevez (whom we do like a lot of his movies), Pricilla Barnes, Reggie Bannister, and even Shawn C Phillips (who I feel was wasted in the film) they couldn’t save this flick from being it’s own disaster! Jackey, Paul, and I watched it through zoom and I thought all 3 of us were going to fall asleep. It was that bad! But I admire the filmmakers for at least trying to put out an indie disaster movie! 

REAL scientists nail clipboards to the wall!

Well the scores are in, and it looks like I hated it the worst out of all 3 of us. I gave it a 10. Paul was a bit nicer with a 9. And Jackey has definitely seen worse films as she rated it a 7, giving the movie an 8.7 on the Stinkometer! There ya go! A total Stink Score of 26, which is the same score as Miami Connection. Weirdly enough, Miami Connection was the first 26 we had ever gotten on the show. So already we got 2 this year. Wonder how many more we’ll get? Guess we’ll just have to wait and find out!

 Join us later for the next episode which will be the 100th episode and Paul will be talking about that one. Speaking of Paul here he is to tell you more about where you can find yourself a copy of Disaster Wars! 

MooCow here – well, if you really want to see Disaster Wars, aka Stormageddon, the trailer is HERE. And you can watch it for free on YOUTUBE. It also lurks on VUDU, Flixter, and also on Google Play. On Amazon you can stream it, buy the dvd, or the blu ray. Get ’em cheap on re-sale at Ebay. The poster, which might be the best thing about the moovie, can be found at Cinematerial.com. Download the digital at Goldposter.com. That’s about it for the merch and/or schwag, although the MooCow does have to admit that he loves the moovie’s tagline: Which ever one wins. We lose. Oh cow right you are, tag line!

Ugh, its been hours, is it ever going to get here???


Episode 100: Samurai Cop (1991)

Hey everybody welcome to Indie Film Cafe’s 100th episode (on the website) – its Jonathan Moody giving my blog! However this isn’t the actual 100th episode; that will come in 2 more episodes. This is the 100th on the website. Paul the Moo Cow kinda messed up on it. He blames Continuity Monkey though… shhh… we all know it was really T&A Monkey that screwed it all up, that funky monkey!

So since Paul was going to do the real 100th episode I got asked to do this one: and I wanted to pick a movie that’s very popular in its stink. I chose… Samurai Cop! And I had to pick a special guest that loves this movie so much, so I picked… Cayt Feinics! Cayt has been a special guest last year on Killer Biker Chicks. And I’m sure she will be back this year for some more as well.

I am Long Hair Punchy! He is Short Fro Shooty! Fear us!

This movie is utterly ridiculous! With a cop character with long hair (I don’t think that’s actually okayed in the police departments) and the actor after wrapping cut his hair so they had to get a silly wig. And the best part is you can see the wig in the same scenes as the regular hair. We go in to a good amount of detail in this episode. This has to be one of Cayt’s favorite’s movies. She was really having a ball chatting with us about everything. The characters, the story, the just plain nuttiness of this flick is so much worth watching.

This movie has been talked about on Rifftrax, Red Letter Media, Cinema Snob, pretty much every outlet. Generally movies like this would go on our Patreon Only site, but I figured since it will pop up saying Episode 100… it needs a classy movie! And this as classy as it comes! Stay tuned for the actual 100th episode that Paul picks because it’s going to be a fun one!

Well the scores are in and it looks like Paul and Jonathan both tied on giving it an 8.5 which is a big pile of stink, while Cayt loved this more and went lower giving it a 6. Making it a total of 23, and a Stinky Average of 7.7. That’s not too low but it ain’t too high either. Giving it the same score as Rollergator, Suburban Sasquatch, and Deadly Prey. Not too shabby on the Ladder of Stink!

Paul’s gonna tell you how you can get it!

Check out the official trailer HERE. Its streaming on the Tubi HERE. And you can check out the Rifftrax version on the Tube of You! DVDs of this flick are plentiful, and can be found on Amazon, including the Special Edition DVD! Is also at Walmart and Best Buy, and can be found re-sale on Ebay. Blu Ray versions can be purchased at Amazon, Best Buy, and Diabolikdvd.com. Redbubble has a pile of posters and tee shirts; there is also some fun stuff at Etsy! TeePublic.com has a bunch of tee shirts as well. Need a Samurai Cop coffee mug (who doesn’t??), go to NYVANE.com, Redbubble, and TeePublic! And yer life would not be cowplete without some kewl Samurai Cop toy mini figures from Snapp Fink Toys and Viktor’s Vintage. Long hair wig and flaring nostrils not included.

Thank you all for checking this post out!