Author: The MooCow

Oh my GAWD, which kind of horrific, disturbing, mind-melting nightmare is THIS??? :=8O

Christmas and children and puppets and CLOWNS, all together at the same time!!?? Has the world gone mad?? Well, maybe the Indie Film Cafe kids have, because you just have to listen to Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host Lenore Miller moan and groan and gnash their teeth about this one on the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe – abandon hope all ye who enter! :=8O

Sooo, have you ever been repeatedly smashed about the neck and face with a 16 pound sledgehammer?? Watching this moovie is purty darn close! Oh yeah, nut’n like mid-60’s kiddie crap local amateur theater for some serious shudder action – and if you have a clown fear fetish boy howdy are you in for a stinky treat! So what happens?? Well, a grown man dressed in a horrible, ugly, garish clown outfit prances around in a vein attempt to entertain a pile of bored children; apparently Santa is involved, as well as a time machine, a flying carpet, and quite possibly Satan himself, and only his diabolical machinations cud possibly dream up this tepid pile of penguin poo. Longest 60 minutes of our lives!!!

B&S About Movies sums the flick up this way:

From 1953 to 1987, Frank Wiziarde played Whizzo the clown on TV stations in Kansas City and Topeka. He and his family had had their own traveling act, the Wiziarde Novelty Circus, so he had some level of big top know-how. None of this comes out in this film, which he directed and by that he set the camera up and just started talking. And talking.

And TALKING!! Except one poor little girl who coughs up a lung, and an udder one who let one rip. These are the best mooments in an extremely long, talky, and profoundly boring snorefest that frankly is torture to behold. oh yeah, and there is a terrifying, mangy dog puppet that I thought was going to eat the children’s souls, which honestly would have been a lot moore interesting. I mean, clowns are already grotesque, annoying characters, but this is just punishing!

It would seem that the evil, demonic figure known as Whizzo the Clown has been haunting Kansas City and frightening small children for decades, until time itself finally put an end to his reign of terror, and his hauntingly terrifying theme song. Finally vanquished back to the Great Beyond, the remaining leftover Whizzo paraphernalia has been gathered together in a sort of prison/tribute place where hopefully such a creature shall never coalesce again. If we’re lucky! :=8o

Man, that was rough – Not surprisingly, this got 10s from Moody and the MooCow; what was a surprise is that gentle co-host Lenore only awarded it a 9.5 – we think she liked the mangy dog puppet. Either that or her brain got permanently warped after witnessing this bizarre spectacle. Either way, that gives Whizzo’s Holiday Nightmare a very solid 29.5, which is a Stinky Average of 9.8. On the Ladder of Stink, Whizzo is only a half step away from Stinky Heaven, and tied with the likes of Geteven and Curse of the Mummy Cat.

For the brave, here is the TRAILER. Trust the MooCow, folks, its every bit as horrible as it looks. You can rent this monstrosity on Youtube, god knows why, although you can bear witness to the horror for FREE on Tubi. It also lurks menacingly on Prime. It is wayyyy out of print, thankfully, but you can buy a DVD-R recording to torture and torment your friends and family from DVDParty.com. This is pretty famously covered by Rifftrax, and you can find their cover of the flick on Tubi and also on the Rifftrax own site. it is also on Youtube! Believe me, kids, there is NO schwag related to this mootant horror, thankfully, because who the heck would want any (besides the MooCow to torment his friends with, of course!). But our buddy Cinema Snob covers it, and it is hi-larious, check it out! Its also on Movie Match Up, with a lot of pictures, as well as Million Monkey Christmas.

Hey everyone… Jonathan Moody back again. Life has been crazy busy so sorry it keeps taking a while for these. But anyhoo… here it goes. Paul Presenza and I were finally doing some studio reviews and we got to get our good old buddy Joe Turek back. Joe is a big superhero fan just like myself. Paul doesn’t care for them himself so I wanted to choose another goofy Superhero movie – and so who better to write a Superhero comedy than Mr. James Gunn! This was his first superhero movie before he made Guardians of the Galaxy or even that movie Super starring Rainn Wilson.  

Here’s the IMDB Plot for it: 

The sixth or seventh best superhero team in the world pursue their rightful place in the harshly competitive world of toy tie-ins and fighting evil.

Yep that pretty much covers it. There’s a few more plot points that come in to play mainly with each character. We do get to know them pretty well and for me that’s a whole lot of fun. Check out the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe!

The director of the film is Craig Mazin. He was mainly a writer who worked for many of the Rocketman starring Harland Williams and Senseless starring Marlon Wayans and David Spade before directing The Specials. After that he mainly stuck to writing a bunch of the movies with David Zucker and Pat Proft for the Scary Movie franchise. Later he got to direct Superhero Movie – so I guess he likes Superheros. He’s also created the show Chernobyl for HBO.

This did have a lot of jokes and silliness of James Gunn. James hadn’t really done much other than Tromeo and Juliet at the time. I remember being a huge fan of his from Tromeo and Juliet. Since then he’s gone on to have quite a career and is now one of the co presidents of DC Films. Even his co President Peter Safron worked on this film with James as a producer. 

The film stars a lot of famous actors including Rob Lowe, Paget Brewster, Jordan Ladd, Jamie Kennedy, Judy Greer, and even Thomas Haden Church. All of the actors did a phenomenal job in my book. I felt they all had chemistry and cracked me up. All the dialogue was 100 percent well done. And that brings me to…. 

The biggest problem with the movie that we all decided was just too much talk and a lot less action. Obviously that’s a budget reason. The film was only estimated to cost 1 million dollars which really isn’t a lot in normal Hollywood terms and for a movie like this it probably should have had a bigger budget. Anytime you want to see what happens they just do the Office type thing and have someone talk about it instead of see it. It felt more like a mockumentary but also had regular scenes that weren’t like that. 

All in all I really enjoyed the flick. It’s a movie because of the talking and silliness I can just sit and watch it on a day where I just need to shut my brain off and enjoy myself. And trust me there are days where I feel like I need to do that. Especially lately.  Dunno if that is everyone’s cup of tea but it sure is mine. 

Well the Stinkometer scores are in… and as I was even guessing I knew I’d have the lowest score on here and I did with a 3. Joe came in next with a 3.5. And Paul gave us a whopping 5.5 which I’m not surprised about. This isn’t his typical type of flick I would imagine. He’d prefer films like Mystery Men than to this one. But we all love James Gunn. The total is a 12 on the Stinkometer and that is up there on the Ladder of Stink with Shrunken Heads, Witchouse 3: Demon Fire, and Hot Chicks Blast Uranus. Honestly not a bad group of movies to watch in my opinion. That’s a 3.0 Stinky Average!

If you’re looking for something Superhero like that is silly and doesn’t take itself too seriously I’d definitely recommend “The Specials”, a movie I don’t think could be called that anymore. Well that about wraps it up. If you stick around The Moo-Cow will tell you all how you can get your hooves on the movie and anything else The Specials related. Take it away Moo-Cow! 

Well, firstly we has a trailer right HERE. And you can watch it for free on Youtube. Go to Uncle Amazon to pick up the DVD or Blu Ray, or get it pre-owned from the re-sale market on Ebay. Be warned the Special Edition Blu Ray is pricey on Amazon, but you can also get it from Wally World and La-La Land Records. There is not a lot os moovie schwag out there on this one, unfortunately, BUT if you has a bottomless wallet there is the 1 sheet moovie poster signed by James Gunn himself on Ebay! Mutant Reviewers has an interesting review of the moovie on their site, as does Screen Rant, and the moovie has its own Wiki page! Finally Fanboy Planet scored an interview with James Gunn and Craig Mazin about the film at the 2000 San Diego ComicCon that is pretty kewl – check it out!
:=8)

Hey everyone… Jonathan Moody back again for another write up! Well it isn’t July 4th right now but last year when we did this podcast it was for July 4th! And what better way to celebrate the holiday than watch a Fourth of July horror film? And the only one that really came to mind was, “Uncle Sam”… eeek! That’s kind of sad considering this isn’t the best representation of the holiday in horror form. But alas here we are! In this episode I had to chat with both Paul A Presenza and John Ward. I think it might have been a little bit since John and Paul had been on the show together. Well last one they were on was Maradonia and that was separate. So this NEW EPISODE on IFC was fun. 

Here is the plot from IMDB:

Desert Storm vet who was killed in combat rises from the grave on July Fourth, to kill the unpatriotic citizens of his hometown, after some teens burn an American flag over his burial site.

On paper it sounds so much fun. But the execution wasn’t nearly as good as it could have been. Especially considering the director was William Lustig, the Director of Maniac, Vigilante, and Maniac Cop among many others. And the writer was Larry Cohen who did It’s Alive, God Told Me To, Body Snatchers, and much more as well. You would think that the two of them could come up with something pretty freaking cool. I mean that premise alone could have made something awesome. 

I think the major issue here was he wasn’t Uncle Sam really. Sure he was an Uncle named Sam who was a military guy but he never set up this real love for the country and his disdain for everyone who isn’t patriotic on the holiday. We really needed to see Uncle Sam himself having that love for the country before he died. So when he died for his country and came back to kill it would be a perfect transition. 

Also I think I was expecting more humor. I mean the fact that the movie takes itself so seriously should come off cheesy and fun but really doesn’t. Just kind of comes off as run of the mill boring type of stuff. Someone dies and comes back as a killer spirit needs more cheese than what they were able to deliver. I think maybe there might have been an issue with William and Larry’s views on the tone of the film. I know William is a little bit more on the serious side than Larry probably was. Sadly Larry is no longer with us anymore. 

The coolest thing is this movie is on Blu Ray. This is the last movie that William Lustig directed and then later he started Blue Underground a DVD/Blu Ray/4K boutique label. I am working on getting alllll the movies that Blue Underground has to offer. All of them come with special features like commentary tracks and behind the scenes stuff that is def. Well worth owning the movie. 

But aside from the Blu Ray this movie is not much to write home about. Not even in my opinion could William Smith or Bo Hopkins save the film. They were just there but there was no real connection to most other stuff. Just having some good actors in your film can’t save it from being sort of a stinker. This movie is probably one of my least favorite Lustig flicks and I hope he makes one more movie. I would not want this one to be his last if he can make something better.

Well we have gone to that time where we talk about the Stinkometer score. And the Scores are in….  I gave it a 7: it’s not nearly as stinky as some of the movies we’ve seen here. Paul agreed with me and also gave it a 7. But John Ward liked it a little better and thought it wasn’t nearly as stinky as we did and gave it a 6. Putting it at a total Stink Score 20, and a Stinky Average of 7.7. That puts it on the Ladder of Stink with A Crack In The Floor, Killer Tongue, Robo Chic, The Karaoke Kid, and Mega Python VS Gatoroid. Not too bad.

Well another movie is done… but have no fear I shall be back with a brand new write up coming very soon. But until then everyone lets let Paul tell ya where ya can get it… Tell em’ Moo Cow….

Well, we gots your trailerage right HERE. You can also watch it for free, you cheapskates, at Youtube, Tubi, and Shudder – at least for 7 days free. Udderwise you gotta go to Uncle Amazon for the VHS (yep, still have ’em), DVD, and Blu Ray versions. It is also at Oldies.com, Amoeba, and of course Blue Underground. Nach, you can get it re-sale at Ebay. CineMaterial.com has 4 different digital versions of the poster, while the Movie Data Base has a few digital ones too. No tee shirts or coffee mugs for this moovie specifically, but I dids find a kewl zombie Uncle Sam you can rock HERE. Udder places with reviews include DVD Review.com, Frightfully Forgotten Horror Movies, the Horror Guys, Apocalypse Later, and Dr. Wulfia. Uncle Amazon has the SOUNDTRACK too.

NOM NOM NOM!!!! I mean, who doesn’t love donuts? Well, cowsider this: suppose you had a dozen or so of evil, toothy, mootant donuts, ready to CHOMP YOUR FACE OFF – would you love them then? Well…..they’d be dangerous, but still tasty! And honestly, who cud pass up a moovie about a box of killer donuts – not the Indie Film Cafe crew, that’s for sure! Join Moody, the MooCow, and our always lovely special guest co-host Liz Fletcher as we chomp down on this yummy lil snack of a moovie in our latest Indie Film Cafe episode!

Poor Johnny; he has a dead end job at a donut shop, he THINKS he has a hot girlfriend in the form of the intensely hot blonde named Veronica, but she’s just using him for money; and he’s totally ignoring the intensely hot brunette he works with, Michelle. He has a bad boss, Cliff, a mad scientist for an uncle, Luther, and a weird sidekick friend who is hot for Johnny’s mom, Howard. Crazy uncle Luther has a fight with jerky Cliff in the donut shop, and hey-presto, a vial full of green radioactive falls out and cowtaminates the donuts, bringing them to life, as happens, and from there out the crazy munchies start. Officers Rogers and Hammerstein arrive to try to cowtrol the scene, but there is just no stopping this dirty dozen, and the bodies start piling up! Can our heroes fight off the ravening hordes of evil toothy acid-spewing flying killer donuts? Mayyyybeeee……???

Seriously, if you can’t crack a smile during this fun flick then I don’t want to know what kind of sadness haunts your life. For sheer over the top, silly, goofy AF pure FUN goes, its hard to muffin top this crazy cruller of a film! The moovie stars Justin Ray (Club Dead) as Johnny, Kayla Compton(The Flash tv series ) as Michelle, Michael Swan (Dinocroc vs. Supergator) as Uncle Luther, Lauren Elise (Clown Town) as Veronica, and C Thomas Howell (about a million moovies) as Officer Rogers. Director Scott Wheeler has previously given us Avalanche Sharks, Transmorphers: the Fall of Men, Celebrity Sex Tape, and a few udder frisky gobblers, but none of them is as fun, inventive, or just plain wackadoodle as this flick! AND it went to Cannes!!!

Well, the votes are in, and as expected this fun flick got a pretty low score: everyone gave it a 2, giving Attack of the Killer Donuts a total Stink Score of 6, and a Stinky Average of 2! Holy Donuts, that ties it on the Ladder of Stink for the lowest scores of all time, with Gamebox 1.0 and Drunken Wu Tang!!! Liz especially seemed to have a lot of fun with this moovie, so I was glad to introduce it to her.

Check out the fun trailer HERE. You can watch it for free on both Youtube and Tubi. Go to Amazon, and you can find it streaming on Prime AND you can pick up the DVD! You can also buy the DVD at Walmart, MovieMars.com, and Barnes & Nobel. Or you can pick it up re-sale at Ebay and ThriftBooks.com: trust me, you want a copy of this moovie in yer hot little hands at all times! You can get a copy of the fun pink film poster at PosterLounge.com, and the original poster in digital form at CineMaterial.com. IDPoster.com has it as well, in custom sizes. Good ol RedBubble has the tee shirt, as does Amazon . And check out this cowplete set of kewl killer donuts from Etsy!!! You can even order one with a custom color frosting! And dig this killer donut coffee mug!!! Geek Authority Girl does a nice web piece on the film, as does Morbidly Beautiful and Modern Horrors.com. You can get the script HERE! And Trivial Theater does a Deep Fred Movie Review on the flick as well.

Psssst…hay you…YOU!!! Wanna see what a $250.00 SOV film looks like? Of course you do! ’cause we here at Indie Film Cafe has FOUND one!!! Its called Phobe: the Xenophobe Experiment, and its, ummmm…well you just has to wonder where that $250 bucks ended up going to in the end. I mean, you can gets a cheap Ghillie Suit at Walmart fer less than 20 bucks these days. Special FX?? Nope, not there either, apparently. Pulse-pounding, hot mullet-dripping action?? Welll……no. Check out the latest episode of IFC, with Moody, the Moocow, and special guest Gaz Morgan, and hear us moan and groan our way through this modern stinky Sc-Fi classic that has to be seen to be believed!!! :=8D

So here we go with the plottage: mullet-haired chick finds space ball (actually, it’s a rolled up ball of tin foil, but who cares?); mullet-haired space dude (named DAPP!!!) comes to retrieve it – turns out tin foil ball is actually a SPACE EGG that will hatch a PHOBE!! And what is a phobe, pray tell? Well, its a ghillie-suited critter who runs amuck and causes mischief, clearly because it lacks a kewl mullet of its very own, and space dude has to shoots it with a SPACE RPG and make it go SPACE BOOM before it ghullies all over what looks like the smoldering remains of rural SE Ohio.

This is what happens, folks, when a local public access TV station has free equipment to lend out to folks with ideas, clearly back before digital cameras leveled the playing field and just about anyone cud make a moovie, which is why this looks so cheap and crappy. But hay, these folks made a full length feature film, with a lil spit and duct tape and aluminum foil, and a trip or two to the local Walmart clearance isle, and here it is! Ok, its moore than a little slow, and it is painfully amateurish at times, but its also kind of fun if you sits back and just kind of let the story tell itself. But wow, the mullets, or as they are known by our wonderful and odd cousins up north in Canada, “Hockey Hair”, yeah they can be a bit…distracting.

So, this mooovie stars pretty much no one; I think they were actually working at said local Walmart. Erica Benedikty is our plucky Canadian writer and Director – she actually has made a couple shorts and Canadian TV flicks, and apparently Phobe was a script that had been polished, like a pearl in an oyster shell, from back in her college days, just WAITING for the 250 bucks (Canadian!) to drop out of the sky. I mean, there are worse dreams to come to life, folks, you go Canada with your glorious hockey hair-ed self! My favorite thing about Erica is her quote on IMDB: “Don’t worry, we’ll fix it in post”. The words of a true indie mastercrafts-person! It would seem this flick was a big hit in Canada – go figure! Now Severin Films has picked it up for YOU to buy!!! :=8D

Oh Canada – its pretty stinky stuff, but we’ve seen worse. The MooCow gave it a 9, Moody gave it an 8, and Gaz went with a 7, giving Phobe a total Stink Score of 24, and that’s a Stinky Average of 8.0, ranking it on the Ladder of Stink right next to 10 udder stinkers, including the likes of Cemetery High, Robot VS the Aztec Mummy, and Snow Shark. 

We gots trailerage right HERE. It is on Youtube and Tubi for free, you cheapskates! You can buy the DVD right from Severin Films itself, or Target, FYE, Barnes & Noble, Oldies.com, Walmart, and yes its even at Amazon and on Prime for streaming – good god its everywhere! No Blu ray as of yet, but when it comes out (it seems inevitable) we will let you know! You can also find the DVD second hoof at Ebay and Odds & Sods. Amazon also has an interesting 8 x 12 tin poster for the moovie that you know you just wants! And Cinematerial.com has TWO digital posters you can download! No mugs or tee shirts, unfortunately. Entertainment Weekly has a fun, interesting article on this flack, if yer into all the deets, and its been featured on the AV Club, the Daily Grindhouse, Triskaidekafiles, and Screen Anarchy, and you can check out an interesting interview with the filmmakers at Movie Vigilante!