books – The Indie Film Cafe Movie Reviews!

Well, kids, time to step into the Way Way WAYYYYY Back Machine, all the way back to a post-apocalypse 1986 for classic 1986 whackadoodle action-packed sci-fi fantasy thriller called Roller Blade, and boy howdy what a moovie it was! We’ve got skater punks, switchblade-slashin’ chicks, Shakespearian-dialogue spoutin’ heroes, Smiley Face magic, naked chicks wrapped in tin foil, a lil tyke who can’t skate, and an evil puppet overlord – so you KNOW this is gonna be a fun time! Check out Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host, the wonderful, beautiful, and talented Ms. Jessa Flux for the latest and possibly greatest episode of Indie Film Cafe – SKATE OR DIE!!!! :=8O

So, the Cosmic Order of the Roller Blade, which is a bunch of chicks dressed up as nuns, are fighting an evil overlord of skater punks and street trash, named Dr. Santicoy, along with his lil puppet henchman (Baby Saticoy) who loves to strip tin foil off of naked chicks (I mean, who doesn’t?): bad girl Shaun Michelle (80’s porn star of such films as California Valley Girls and Flesh & Laces parts 1 & 2) is trying to infiltrate the Order to steal some secretes for Saticoy, but then runs afoul of good girl Sister Sharon (Suzanne Solari, UFO Secret Video, Hell Comes to Frogtown, Night of the Beast) who tries to change the bad girl for Mother Speed (Katina Garner, The Tomb Cannibal Hookers, Hack-O-Lantern), while weird loner Sam Mann (Hard Rock Zombies, Kill or Be Killed, Guns of El Chupacabra) mumbles incoherently and blows a harmonica. There’s a whole lotta fightin‘, slashin’, skatin’, and tops coming off as the futuristic fur hits the fan – will the evil Dr. Saticoy’s diabolical plan to take over the powerstation by blasting over to it on a rocket-propelled motorcycle actually work? Or will the intrepid and mostly topless hot switchblade nuns stop him? This cow ain’t tellin’, you will just have to see it for yourself!

Run little Chris, that’s not a nice puppet!!! :=8O

The sharp eyed will also see Jeff Hutchinson (Hell Comes to Frogtown, Commando Squad, Little Lost Sea Serpent ) as Marshall Goodman, Chris Olen Ray, Fred Olen Ray’s son and future producer and director of such films as Three Headed Shark Attack and Megaconda, in his acting debut, and scream queen Michelle Bauer (Trophy Heads, Demonwarp, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers) as one of the Bod girls, and Crystal Breeze (an-udder porn starlet) as another Bod girl! Also, the sharp-eared ill notice that, ummm…this moovie was not sound-synched and had a LOT of ADR. In fact, moost of the voices came from different actors, to add to the fun and cowfusion, of which there are lots of both! Written and directed by the Michigan Maverick himself, Donald G. Jackson!

Mother Speed is going to spank you after class! Or something…

Well, the votes are in and the IFC kids think this one is fairly stinky – The MooCow went with a score of 6, Mr. Moody went with a 7, and a flummoxed Jessa Flux went with a score of 8, giving Roller Blade a total Stink Score of 21, which is a Stinky Average of 7.0! On the Ladder of Stink this moovie is tied with such stinky classics as Bride of the Monster, The Giant Claw, and Ship of Monsters – high praise in deed!

The trailer for this masterpiece can be found right HERE. Cheapies (CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP!!) can find this flick for free on Youtube or from Scott Shaw’s youtube channel. But if you wanna buy it, well its a difficult find – a VHS copy can always be found on Ebay, but udder than that good luck. You pretty mooch need to buy it at Scot Shaw’s Zen Film DVD Shop, which is perfectly fine since the moolah goes right back to the artist, and in this case the artist’s estate which is now run by Scott Shaw. They were all for a time on Amazon Prime, but not at the mooment, but check again because you never know. Will there ever be a blu ray version of this moovie? God I hope so, but for now there is no official release. In the meantime, you can find various digital versions of the many posters for this moovie at Cinematerial.com. You can also find some fun reviews of this film at Bad Movie Review, Geek Legion of Doom, 366 Weird Movies, and 90 Lost Minutes. This is classic cheesy 80’s stink, my friends, no lot let this one escape your notice!
;=8)

Ya know, back in the 70’s super-violent revenge fantasy flicks were all the rage – who’da thought they would make a come-back in the late 1990’s?? Well, maybe not all the way back, but you can’t blame Chales E. Cullen for trying! Yes sir, on the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, our boys Moody, the MooCow, and special guest co-host Joe Turek are cowfronted by a city (sort of, its Roanoke, VA) awash in crime and scum and violence – and the only way to get rid of it is to become…well, a scummy violent criminal. You gotta join ’em if you wanna beat ’em! This wacky, over-the-top indie has it all, but is it enough to impress the IFC Kids? Well let’s just take a look, shall we?

Uhhh, this does not bode well…what is that???

As you might recall, the cinematic underworld populated by the likes of one Charles E. Cullen,the audacious auteur outta Roanoke, VA, is not unknown to the IFC kids – the MooCow’s arm STILL hurts from where Paige punched it after watching Curse of the Mummy Cat, so expectations were pretty low, I gotst to tell ya. COWever, the MooCow has faith in Mr. Cullen, and he did not disappoint with this whackadoodle crime/revenge flick, wherein, dressed as a mime, he battles the Boogeyman, Bucko the Clown, the Lightbulb, AND has to deal with motorcycle ridin’ skull face Death – whew, that is a day’s work in the crazy town of Roanoke!

Luring young, unsuspecting girls into murder? Just Bucko being Bucko…

Its a crazy, violent shoot-up full of bad taste, child murder, decapitations, rocket launchers, drunken singing, blazing effin’ guns, and moar blood than you cud shake the proverbial stick at – but its also filmed in a fun, stylish manner that surprised some of our IFC kids, and even elevates the material somewhat? I mean if you can enjoy Charles Bronson blowing away some punks cow can you not watch super bounty hunter Super Badass kill some crazy ass villains and clowns. Ughhh, that Bucko the Clown will live in my nightmares! Oh, and there’s a puppet or two as well, because Cullen. AND, dig those 60’s & 70’s swirling colors and that awesome soundtrack! This B moovie is a Queen B!!! :=8D

Well, its clear that this flick took some of the IFC kids for a loop, and they were surprised at cow good this moovie was cowpared to Mummy Cat – which is also fun, but in a very different way. Of course, not everyone appreciated the depths of the muck this one goes through: While Moody went with a 6, and the MooCow went with a 3.5, our Joe Turek, who was less than impressed, went with an 8.5, giving Super Badass a Stink Total of 18, which is a Stinky Average of 6.0. On the Ladder of Stink this flick ties with Peter Rottentail, which sounds about right to me. Definitely not one for Just Jenn!

You can check out the trailer HERE. And you can watch it for free, albeit in low quality and possibly edited, on YOUTUBE. You can buy the DVD at AMAZON, although to my knowledge there is no blu ray, as well as the MVD SHOP.com. You can also pick it up right from the man himself at his EBAY store. Supposedly there is a blu ray copy HERE but I dunno if its legit. Unfortunately there is no Super Badass schwag, and boy howdy there should be, but there is a review from Vitua Virtues which is cool, plus the man himself has his own Youtube channel with loads of stuff to check out. And you know you’ve made it when someone writes a song about you. Where are you Charles E. Cullen, we need you now moar than ever!
:=8O

Tag: books

Episode 175: Roller Blade (1986)

Episode 169: Super Badass (1999)