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Hey everybody and welcome back to Indie Film Cafe! Jonathan Moody here to discuss the 2009 Joe Estevez and Robert Z’dar flick, “Meltdown” starring, written, and directed by Christopher J. Martin. In this episode I got poor Paul Presenza and poor Cayt Feinics to discuss it with me on our latest episode. This was not anything that we really expected and you’ll pretty much know why in a second.

This was the storyline put on IMDB by the director himself:

Meltdown is a action/adventure film about a FBI agent who goes deep undercover to bring down a crime syndicate. When his cover is blown the mob and FBI want him dead. His only hope of survival is a female agent who is willing to break the rules to help save his life. Out numbered and out gunned it is a deadly fight to the finish.

Well that doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Ohhhhh boy! This movie was a lot of self indulgence. A lot of grandiosity. And a lot of just really bad film-making. However for a person’s first time film I can’t be too harsh. I mean Christopher J Martin went out and did what he could to make something he probably thought had a really big message. What was that message? I dunno.

The cast as I mentioned before was pretty awesome. It’s always fun to see Joe Estevez and Robert Z’Dar in a movie together. I wish they were the leads. It might have made the movie a bit more fun. The lead himself Christopher is just too new and doesn’t really do a good job at all. He’s kind of boring in this. The female lead Andrea Tice was my favorite part and even she couldn’t help hold the film together.

There were a lot of blunders and a lot of technical issues that a first time film is always going to have so I could never fault some of that. However when you have a scene where a bunch of people are shooting each other in public… ummm where are the cops? Except for the cops that are the main part of this the city cops are nowhere to be found. Maybe they actually did get called when the shootout happened. We’ll probably never know unless they do a blu ray copy of this with commentary. I’d actually buy it for that.

I got this movie on DVD but I did also watch it on Tubi where it’s available. Mainly to help them with a few cents. I always prefer to do that when I can because I know as a filmmaker how hard it is to make a movie and get it distributed. We came to find out that this this movie was actually talked about on a You Tube review show called, “Good bad or bad bad” and Tubi got interested in it and made it available. So thank you, Tubi.

Cayt and Paul enjoyed riffing on the movie a lot, and I was shocked to have found something that I don’t think Paul had even seen. There’s apparently a lot out there even the moo cow hasn’t watched. And most likely those will be on Indie Film Cafe at some point, so get ready!

However we have come to that time where we discuss the scores on the Stinkometer. I gave it a 9.5; Paul gave it a 9; and Cayt found it slightly less stinky than than us and gave it an 8.5.], giving it a total Stink Score of 27, which is a Stinky Average of 9.0. That puts it up there with the likes of Donald Farmer’s Vampire Cop and Brett Kelly’s Raiders of the Lost Shark. Maybe if those two had a baby it would be… Christopher J Martin’s Meltdown!

Anyhoo that’s gonna be it for me this time… I’ll be back for the next two and then it’s Paul’s turn again. We had some crazy movies this season! But until we get to those let Paul tell you how you can find it and what else for Meltdown you might be able to find. Take it away, MooCow….

Welp, there ain’t no trailer for this film, folks, which just about tells you about the production values of this here moovie… :=8/ You CAN, however, find it on the Bad Movie Night video podcast. The full moovie is on Tubi these days, which is good because this flick doesn’t even show up on Uncle Amazon! You can, cowever, find the DVD at Oldies.com, and dat’s about it! Sowwy folks, but if we finds moore stuff out there for this moovie we will update our page and put it out there you you can has it, especially you Joe Estevez and Robert Z’Dar fans out there!
:=8)

I did find a 2009 Bay City Times article on the flock too.

Hey ho, its PUMAMAN!!!
:=8D

R u old enough to remember an incredibly stupid, cheap, and silly tv show from the early 80’s called “Greatest American Hero”? Well…THIS IS EVEN WORSE!!! This moovie is about a geeky, spindly dork in a cheap costume who flies about a rear-projection sound stage, to home-made casio-disco moosic, defeating a leathery-looking Donald Pleasence (“Halloween”, “You Only Live Twice”, “THX 1138”) with his ‘puma powers’, who has stolen a cheap gold foil mask in order to brainwash the world through plastic heads with wires. Well heckers YEAH!!! Check out the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, where Moody, the MooCow, and special guest Just Jenn (who requested this stink bomb) yap about this weird, stinky cheeser!

Oh dear! Words simply cannot convey the jaw-dropping cheapness and absurd stupidity of this awful Italian import that’s cheesier than a cat covered in parmesan. Walter George Alton (10, Heavenly Bodies) plays Puma Man, easily the worst, lamest, saddest “super-hero” ever filmed. These are his “super powers”: he floats awkwardly through a rear-projection set at around 3 miles an hour via a string tied to his narrow butt; with the aforementioned string, he hops about like some demented, fur-less rabbit; his fingers are claws that can rend aluminum and paper-mache bricks; he can sort of “walk” off the scene (off camera) and appear magically someplace else(somewhere else on-camera again); his awesome “puma vision” allows him to see everything in bright red. The MooCow dares you not to laugh yer fool head off upon viewing any one of these so-called “powers”, especially the oh-so-realistic flight.

But our hero is not alone. Square-headed Vidinho, played by Miguel Angel Fuentes (The Bermuda Triangle, Caveman, Fitzcarraldo), an “Aztec” high priest who cowmoonicates with the gods (space aliens), and tosses people out of windows & demands they try on belts just for kicks, is our would-be hero’s ally/side-kick/teacher. It is he who teaches Puma Man the powerful super secret Puma Man mantra which harnesses the powers of the cosmos for Puma Man: “Every man is a god, every man is free”. He is clearly Pewmaymen!

We also have Sydne Rome (Sundance and the Kid, Sex with a Smile, Just a Gigolo), who plays plays Jane Dobson, a useless blonde twit of a love-interest. Poor Donald Pleasence has to try and act menacing while hiding behind an aluminum foil mask painted gold. All of these cosmic forces collide in “Puma Man”, resulting in easily the feeblest fantasy flick this cow has seen since “Jack Frost”(Mazorko).

Well the scores are in, kids, and this flick isn’t just stinky, its a PHEW-ma!! Just Jenn and the MooCow generously awarded the film 9’s each, while Moody went right for that bag of 10’s and tossed one out like it was nothing. That give our moovie a total Stink Score of 28, and a Stinky Average of 9.3! On the Ladder of Stink that puts Pumaman right in line with a whole bunch of udder stink bombs too many to list. Not quite a 30, surprisingly, but very, very close!

Check out the trailer right HERE. See for free on YouTube; it is, of course, one of the moore beloved MST3K’s ever made, so you can also see that version HERE. The normal version of the film is notoriously difficult to find, BUT if you ge the MST3K version you get the standard version too – and you can git yer hooves on that from Uncle Amazon or Shout Factory. You can also get the MST3K digital HERE. Sadly, the moovie is unreleased on blu ray as of yet, but you can rent the Event Replay of the Pumaman Tribute from Gizmodo, which features new SURGICALLY ENHANCED print, presented in glorious upscaled HD!!! You can get the digital of various forms of the poster HERE; Cinematerial.com has loads of them too. The Finnish poster is for SUPERFLYINGMAN!! :=8D And you can get the original Turkish Poster, the original Lebanese poster, Here too, Puma posters everywhere! Get the Lobby card!
TeePublic has tee shirts, coffee mugs, pins, and all kinds of merch for all of you Puma needs! And, of course, you NEED that amazing theme song and soundtrack! There is even a Pumaman FIGURE to cowllect! There is even Pumaman FANART! AND prints for sale! Everyone loves Pumaman!!!
:=8D

Well hey everyone… Jonathan Moody to talk about an episode I was apart of with the lovely lovely Liz Fletcher who was our guest host this season for this one. We are joined by our good friend Jason Zlatkus who had been on a few of my videos and podcasts I’ve done. But once again Liz, just like Dustin Hubbard and John Ward, picked a movie that they loved…. she does the same. She picked a little fun movie called, “Fear, INC” for our latest episode of Indie Film Cafe. What’s it about? Well, here let’s let IMDB tell ya:

Fear, Inc. follows a company of degenerates who can be hired for a premium to bring your greatest fears to life. But when horror junkie Joe Foster’s customized scare seemingly begins, he and his friends must decide if this company is there to scare them or make them pawns in their own sick game.

With a plot like that how can you not be interested in this flick!?! I was pleasantly surprised. I may had seen the poster for the film in passing but I didn’t know much about it and I for sure didn’t watch any trailers or anything that might ruin the movie-going experience I was about to have. But I am so glad I didn’t!

The film stars some people I really enjoy watching including Christopher Marquette who I absolutely loved in movies like The Girl Next Door and Just Friends. And it also stars Patrick Renna who was in The Sandlot, Dorm Daze, and Gamebox 1.0 which we covered here on Indie Film Cafe. I’m sure the MooCow will leave a link where you can listen to that one all the way back in Season 2.

The main stars are Lucas Neff who did voice work for Big Hero 6: The Series, Monsters at Work: The Series, and was in a feature film called Low Life. He did a pretty damn good job in this flick. His girlfriend in the film was played by Caitlin Stasey who was Lust For Life, the TV series Reign, and most recently in the horror film Smile. They both worked off each other very well.

As I was saying before this was something Liz picked because she already saw it and enjoyed it. Jason was not as in to it as Liz and I were; he didn’t hate it but it wasn’t his taste as it was more of Liz and mine. I was surprised since we hadn’t heard of it at all really. It’s a movie that much like Let Us Prey kind of fell below the radar. And sometimes those are the movies that need to be reviewed so that others will have the chance to see it. It has twist after twist in this flick. A lot you just don’t see coming. And through it all you’re left wondering is wow what the hell did I just watch? That might seem like very high praise and it is.

Well the stink scores are in… Jason gave it a 5 which surprised me a bit but hey like I said it’s a different taste. I have a feeling that or around that is what Paul would have given it. Liz gave it a 4, and I gave it the lowest score of a 2 bringing the Stink Score to a total of 11, which is a Stinky Average of 3.7. Which puts it on the Ladder of Stink with Pirates: Quest for Snake Island and The Giant Spider. Yeppp that pretty much checks out: it’s a fun little movie. Well made, well acted, well directed. Well well, just enjoyable.

So that’s it for me for now. You’ll have one more with Paul then I will be back again with two more episodes to chat about. Until then everyone I’m gonna let the MooCow take it away and tell you all where you can see and get this flick! Take it away MooCow…

Moo! So, the trailer for this flick is right HERE. And there is a streaming trailer HERE. You can catch it for free on TUBI. It is also on VUDU. If you want the DVD or blu ray, or wanna catch it on Prime, then hie thee hither to Uncle Amazon! You can also pick up a physical copy at Barnes & Noble, Walmart, and Best Buy – at least for the mooment. Or, you cud buy it used at EBAY, or ThriftBooks.com. Check out the poster at Moviepostershop.com. You can check out udder sites that examine the film too, including Nerdist, FilmBook, and Variety.

BOING BOING BOING!!! Ok, we get that the Polonia brothers has been in the indie biz a long, long time, and have done some kewl, and weird, flicks, BOING BOING BOING!!! but C’mon, this wretched, dumb bunny of a moovie is just hare-brained garbage! Naturally, Moody and special guest co-host Madeline Deering just absolutely loved it BOING BOING BOING!!! which made the MooCow just wanna yank the spots off his furry back. Well, join us for the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, and check out if SOMEbunny has been schmoking some wacky weed on this one! YOUR MOM!!!

So, a crappy, incowpetent magician kills himself and is reincarnated as Peter Rottentail, a cheap unfunny, unscary bunny demon who literally hops BOING BOING BOING!!! everywhere BOING BOING BOING!!! with these stupid BOING BOING BOING!!! constant BOING BOING BOING!!! lazy BOING BOING BOING!!! sound FX. Are ye getting a picture on what got the MooCow’s goat here, folks? Anycow, said demon bunny has nothing else better to do than to kill off a pile of nobodies in some nowhere town, utilizing nothing moore than a couple of fake carrots and lots of BOING BOING BOING!!!s. It is one of the dumbest and cheapest flicks this cow has ever seen, which is why, I is pretty sure, that Moody and Mad Deer loved it so mooch. Whackadoodles!

John Polonia himself plays the demon bunny, and I want to ask the dude, man did your arches hurt after all that hopping around? BOING BOING BOING!!! Unfortunately, he has since passed on, leaving twin brother Mark Polonia to carry on the indie film tradition, which he has done with such flicks as Camp Blood First Slaughter, Bigfoot VS Zombies, Amityville Exorcism, Shark Encounters of the Third Kind, and a whole host of udder micro-budgeted indie cheapies. Moost everyone else in the cast are friends and family, some of which end up in udder Polonia brothers flicks, some of which are admittedly pretty fun, and udders, well, kind of suck. I guess this is sub-SubRosa stuff.

Well, as you might expect, madness and mayhem happens, along with a whole lotta BOING BOING BOING!!!s, and there is even room for a sequel at the end with a lil’ baby demon bunny – which never happened, thankfully, the Polonias are nothing if not prolific, and they just had too many flicks on their plate to deal with than to go back to this half-baked, hare-brained schlock. Yeah, this film is not well-liked, overall. Well, we all would have liked a little moore of Kristen Wiltse, as Abby, although she does show up later in Razorteeth. So is this Rottentail as bad, or better, than the 2019 flick, also called Rottentail (with Dominique Swain and Corin Nemec)?? Stay tuned to IFC and find out!

Well, the votes are in, and it looks like the MooCow is in the minority with this one, ’cause he gave Peter Rottentail a swift 9, while Moody scored it a 6, and Madeline Deering, whose heart is filled with hearts, rainbows, and bunnies, gave it a 3, making the total Stink Score an 18, which is a Stinky Average of 6.0! On the Ladder of Stink this moovie ties with Airborne and Haggard.

Check out the bunny trailer HERE. It is currently floating around on Tubi, so check it out for free there. Not an easy DVD to find, but you can get it at Oldies.com; on Amazon it is part of a double feature along with Holla! If I Kill You; or you cana go to SRS Cinema itself and buy it as part of a triple feature, along with Rozorteeth and World of the Erotic Ape, which the MooCow recowmends – here is the trailer for this DVD. Oh yeah, you better believe we’re doing the Erotic Ape moovie on IFC in the not too distant future! ;=8) As usual, you can always find flicks like this in the re-sale market, especially Ebay. You can get the digital poster at Movieposterdb.com, as well as Goldposter.com. No udder schwag to be found, but check out udder reviews of this flick, including Mr. He’s Calender Ghouls, Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon, and B-Movie Bros. There is also an unboxing for Sheriff Callie, and an its featured on an episode of Cinema Cyanide. BOING BOING BOING!!!

Hey… its Jonathan Moody back again for another IFC Write up. And today is a fun one because we are talking about the silly 2011 Asylum film, “Mega Python VS Gatoroid”… oh boyyy! And for some reason I forgot why exactly but Paul was not able to join us so I asked my good friend and returning special guest James L. Edwards to come on because it was actually his post on Facebook that caused me to want to want to do this one. And then eventually I got Liz Fletcher to come on and talk about it as well. So basically you got two episodes in one which made it longer but also was pretty cool.

Here’s the plot from IMDB: As rampant, ever-growing pythons infest the warm Florida Everglades thanks to Dr Nikki Riley’s die-hard group of activists, suddenly, Park Ranger, Terry O’Hara, has a lot on her plate. One by one, the slithering invaders are killing the unprepared congregation of indigenous alligators, leading to a drastic but ill-advised countermeasure: to kill a dangerous predator, one needs to come up with an even deadlier protector. As a result, gigantic bone-crushing pythons and gargantuan man-eating alligators wreak havoc on the land, devouring everything in their way. Now, the ultimate battle between species commences, and whoever wins, humans lose. Can Nikki and Terry put aside their differences in the name of survival?

Pretty much sums up the movie in a nutshell. However it is a movie I was very excited to re-watch. There’s nothing more fun to me than an Asylum made film involving two gigantic creatures fighting each other. Usually its Mega Shark VS whatever it wants to Verse but in this case they decided to go with a Mega Python. Why not? A gigantic Snake and Gator are just the perfect creatures to come at each other in a swamp. Am I right?

Ohhh and The Asylum does one thing I realllllly love which is usually find pop stars that have sort of fallen off the planet to come back and act together. And we don’t get just Tiffany and Debbie Gibson (Who couldn’t love those two in a movie together… its a rhetorical question you don’t need to answer) but we also get Micky Dolenz from the Monkees making a cameo in the film! Add Carey Van Dyke (From the Van Dyke family) and Kathryn Joosten (From Desperate Housewives and many more. Trust me when you see her in the movie you will know exactly who she is)… its got a pretty dynamite cast.

I can’t even believe they got Mary Lambert (Director of the original Pet Sematary and Pet Sematary 2) to direct the film. After this her TV directing career skyrocketed and she started working on shows like, “Arrow”; “The Goldbergs”; and “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit”…. She hasn’t worked with the Asylum since.

The special FX in this film with the two big creatures was pretty cheesy but done well enough for something you’d see on SyFy (or whatever they calling it these days)! Really in this movie the FX take a backseat cause you wanna see Tiffany and Debbie duking it out themselves. And boy do you get a good enough of that too. Its truly a fun B Movie.

Well the scores are in for this one… James L. Edwards ended up giving it the biggest stink score of the bunch with 7.5, which I was a bit surprised with considering he enjoyed it. Liz gave it a 6 and I gave it a 6.5 making the total Stink Score a 20, and a Stinky Average of 6.7. This puts it up with The Karaoke Kid, Robochic, The Killer Tongue, and A Crack in the Floor. Honestly, I think this was better made and more fun than A Crack in the Floor – and in my opinion Karaoke Kid is a lot less than a 20 (Thanks Lenore), haha.

Anyway that pretty much wraps up this write up. Paul will be next with his one coming up and then I should be back again for another one. Until then everyone the Moo Cow will let you know how you can get a hold of this movie – take it away Moo-Cow…

Hoo boy, this one is pretty stinky, I’m right there with you, James L. Edwards! Is fun though, and you can check out the trailer right HERE. It has been uploaded for free on the Tube of You – albeit a lesser quality version. Is also on Tubi. For those of us who demand cleanliness and clarity for our schlock, you can git yer hooves on the DVD or the Blu Ray on Amazon, also Walmart, Best Buy, FYE, Oldies.com, Books-a-Million, etc. Get it cheap at MovieTradingCo.com. You can also find it on re-sale at Ebay. In theory you can also get it right from the Asylum, when the website is functioning. Get the lurid poster at The Poster Depot and MoviePosterShop.com. Find the Tee at FameCollectibles.com. They have coffee mugs too.