Uncategorized

Episode 30: Snow Shark (2011)

Snow-Shark-350x491

Snow shark snow shark, snow shark snow shark

Snow shark big ol’ shark of snow;

He’ll bite off your legs, he’ll bite off yer face,

And he’ll hide in two inches of snoooooooowwww…..

;=8)

Yep, 2019 is gonna be one snarky sharky year here at Indie Film Cafe, and we start off the stinky shark moovie hunt with Snow Shark, a wacky chum bucket of awful shark goodness from director/writer/actor/camera man Sam Qualiana (The Legend of Six Fingers, Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark), and financed by Indigogo!  The moovie is about  group of people from a small town (not unlike that UDDER famous shark moovie) who are terrorized by a hungry, hungry shark – but unlike Amityville, this shark is able to swim around in snow, even just the bare dusting is enough to hide this toothy critter, until he is able to burst out and devour whatever happens to be nearby.

nom
Nom Nom Nom…

Special Guest Johnny Johnson, director of such luminaries as the Skeleton Key series and Plan 9, joined the Indie Film Cafe folks at the Darkstone Entertainment house as they moaned and groaned their way through a food frenzy of stink – check out our latest PODCAST for all the gory details!

Well, in addition to writer/director Sam Qualiana, Snow Shark stars…well, I have no idea who these folks are, apart from the always lovely Jackey Hall.  Well, at least it wasn’t Bigfoot Wars…  Overall the acting as some issues, but nothing worse than your usual microbudget flick.  Some of the practical effects are kind of kewl, and some are…well, special.  And what is with all the bricabrac??  Clearly these guys had lot of fun making this moovie, and you will too if you just sit back and let it happen.

71FuYpw4rUL
Sorry, pal, but you’ve been upgraded to Bait…

Well, the Stink Scores are in, and it appears that Snow Shark definitely has a palpable bouquet of stink!  Moody gave the film an 8.5, while the MooCow awarded a 7.5, and special guest Johnny Johnson went with a solid 8 – that is a total of 24, and Stinky Average of 8.0!  That’s one stinky shark moovie!
:=8D
score

We’ve got trailerage right HERE.  And a longer one HERE.  Watch it on the Tube of You HERE,  And on Amazon HERE.  Beware, this is not the 2013 moovie of the same name.  Too git yer hooves on the physical media, go to Amazon for the DVD, or try Barnes and Noble.  A copy even pops up on Ebay from time to time.  For funsies check out Sam Q’s newest hit single, but be aware that it is a little sideways.  Bloodbath and Beyond does a decent video review HERE.

Snow-Shark-reviews-movie-film-horror-2011-3
I’m not just hungry, I’m HANGRY!!!

So while the wacky folks at Indie Film Cafe will be swimming in some seriously bad shark moovie infested waters this year, you can start off with this little indie chomper to put you in the mood.  And watch out for those snow sharks!
;=8)

 

Uncategorized

Episode 29: Killer Tongue (1996)

killer tongue

Well folks, if you’ve been waiting your whole lives to watch a killer tongue moovie (and who hasn’t?), yer in luck ’cause this bad boy just landed!  From the deranged mind of Spanish director Alberto Sciamma (Black Plague, Blood Trap) comes this weird wacka-doodle horror-com, cowplete with evil alien tongue, convenience store nuns, alien tongue/human interbreeding, species-transitioning poodles, and oh yeah, Freddie Kruger too!

Poor Candy (Melinda Clarke): she’s just made off with a huge heist with her great love Johnny, having gotten rid of their wacko partners Vic and Chip; unfortunately, Johnny gets pinched, and she has to hide in a gas station nunnery while he does his time in a depraved prison run by sicko Warden Robert Englund,  While she waits, she accidentally eats a bowl of soup that has a meteor in it, and a killer alien tongue takes over her body, transforming her into a hot latex goth princess – and her fluffy poodles get turned into campy transvestites with wayyyyy too much make-up (including The Tudor’s Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Rudolph!).  Candy is not overjoyed by this.  This get even moore cowplicated when she discovers that the tongue has made her pregnant, and cowplete wackiness ensues.  Oh, and Doug Bradley (Pinhead from the Hellraiser moovies) plays Wig, Johnny’s prison pal.

tongue
Oh the porn career you cud have had…

Friends, this is a rare one, but if you can git your hooves on a copy of this flick you simply must – check out the Indie Film Cafe’s discussion HERE to see what all the fuss is about!  Just seeing these stars of so many indie and non-indie horror films working together make it worth your purchase price alone, to say nothing of the weird death scenes.  And if that weren’t enough the soundtrack was cowtributed to by the weird 90’s Euro-synth band Fangoria!

lengua asesina caniches travestidos
Ok this is one weird family…

Killer Tongue definitely has some stink to it, but not nearly as mooch as some flicks on this podcast, that is for sure!  The MooCow awarded Killer Tongue a 4.5 on the Stinkometer, while Moody chipped in with a 6, which rates as a perfectly respectable 5.25 Average Stink Score.

score

Git yer trailerage right HERE.  its expensive, but you can pick up a copy of your very own from AMAZON – you know you want to!  You can also find it at Alibris.  if this moovie ever comes out on Blu Ray, and we all hope it does, Blu-Ray.com will let you know.  If yer really lucky you can find it packages with udder stinkers at such places like Bull Moose and Oldies.com.  And apparently Wally World.  And for the truly desperate, vhs copies still exist.  Spike Magazine had a great preview of the film when it went to Cannes (yes, it did!!), where it ‘went down like a storm’ – of course it did!  Get the kewl Japanese moovie poster HERE.

tumblr_n1ntbjA1FE1t5b5qeo1_400

Once you’ve ironed out a copy for yourself, we here at Indie Film Cafe promise you will enjoy every lick of this strange Spanish flick!

horror___teeth__dolly__killer_tongue__abattoir_by_lordwormm_dbbbv7r-fullview

Uncategorized

Episode 28: Gamebox 1.0 (2004)

gameboz1.0

Check it out, boys and girls, Charlie’s got a mysterious new game system, and boy i he in for one heck of a game!  From the writers who brought you Hey, Stop Stabbing Me!, and the directors of Dorm Daze and Transylmania comes this fun little indie about , going deep, deep, deep into the gaming world, quite literally!  Its a topic covered many times before, sometimes successfully (Arcade), udder times not so much (Nightmares), but this little gem stars Nate Richert and the lovely Danielle Fishel, and a bunch of pixily, monkey-hopping, demented ninja zombies.  The Indie Film Cafe folks yak it up on their latest podcast debating the pluses and minuses

DanielleFishel
Who is a cutie?  Me??  Well, yeah, me…

So this is the epic story of cow Charlie (Richert) got his groove back by going into a decidedly dangerous video game that takes over his brain, saving the girl (Fishel), and being the first person to actually defeat the game by finishing it.  The game sinks its teeth into Charlie by populating itself with characters based on people from Charlie’s real life, including his sadly deceased girlfriend, Kate – hence the reason Charles is on a major bummer.  BUT, hold everything, because the game ALSO makes the main bad guy the cop who was responsible for Kate’s death, and things get very, very cowplicated.  But its not easy, and the game nearly kills Charlie several times, and only manages to defeat it with the help and influence of Princess (Kate’s clone).  Charlie beats his funk, finds a nice new girl suspiciously similar to Princess, and lives a happy life – while dropping a little surprise for the evil real life cop!

Nerdy charlie
Nerdy Charlie
Game Charlie
Cool Game Charlie

The game progresses from a grungy Grand Theft Auto-type universe to a weird hopping ninja-verse, to, I dunno, Walking Dead Wannabe World?  The graphics have not aged well, but fortunately the story is much better than the graphics, and the solid acting overall makes this one a fairly stink-free indie!  The MooCow gave a tiny 1.5 for his Stink Score, which is a record low!  Moody presented a 2, and special guest Joe Turek from Sick Flick Productions chipped in with a 2.5, giving Gmebow 1.0 a total Stink Score of 6, and an average stink of 2.0!  That’s pretty schweeeet!  :=8D
score

As usual, we have trailerage right HERE.  And some kind soul made a sweet Charlie/Princess hair ballad video right HERE.  You can stream it or git yer hooves on a copy at AMAZON.  And apparently you can buy/stream it on Vudu, whatever the heck that it.  Directors Dave and Scott Hillenbrand do an interesting interview HERE for those who would like to know moore about the moovie.

sig
Owwwie, that’s gotta hurt!

So if you need a break from all the serious stinky flicks the Indie Film Cafe folks have been serving you up lately, then we promise you Gamebox 1.0 is a breath of fresh air that will make you smile.
:=8)

Uncategorized

Episode 27: Fungicide

fungicide

Holy Shit-akes!  Its a mob of malevolent mushrooms!!!  :=8O  If you thought Suburban Sasquatch was dangerous, wait ’til you see what those fun-guys at Troubled Moon Films has in store for the Indie Film Cafe folks in their latest PODCAST – and the morel of the story is to watch you back when there are mushroom involved!
:=8D

fungicide mauling
These nasty ‘shrooms will gnaw yer pumpkin!

It all starts with a crazy doctor and his wacky formula; doc’s been working extra hard lately, so naturally his nice parents decide to set him up for a week in a nice vacation house out in the woods – little do they know that he will be bringing his fateful formula with him!  One spill later, and its mushroom munchies all over, as a gang of mushroom hand puppets, cgi mushrooms, and guys in sheets dressed as mushrooms, take on the whole gang!

fun1
Get ready for some serious, non-stop stick clacking!

Writer/Producer/Editor/Director Dave Wascavage plays mooltiple roles on this film, as does his wife, the lovely Mary Wascavage, both of whom can be seen in Suburban Sasquatch.  So too can Dave Bonavita, the sheriff from Suburban Sasquatch, who plays a wrestler in Fungicide who needs a vacation to deal with his bad case of spontaneous combustion.  And, of course, Dave Weldon who played the furry-boobed beast plays the crazy Doctor Silas.  And while the acting is fun, clearly it is the puppets and cgi marvels that are the star of this show!  It all makes for a fun, wacky moovie that is hard to beat!  In fact, it really grows on you…
;=8)

fungicid3
CGI mushrooms attack!  :=8O

Just Jenn is back!!!  Well, at least for this episode.  She, Moody, and the MooCow howled their way through the moovie, and very much enjoyed it – although the Stink scores are pretty high!  Just Jenn and the MooCow awarded 9’s, while Moody went all out and gave this flick a full 10, giving a total Stink Score of 28, and an average score of 9.3!

score

Git yer Fungcide trailer right HERE!!!  You know you want to check it out!  Git yer hooves on a copy right from the source at Troubled Moon Films, or git it as part of the Drenched in Blood 4 moovie dvd pack from Amazon right HERE.  LISTEN to the haunting Fungicide theme song, sung by the lovely Mary Wascavage right HERE!!!

fungi5
Its Bitey the Mushroom!

Well, you don’t need magic shrooms to enjoy this mushroom moovie, but it helps.  Check it out!
:=8D

Uncategorized

Episode 26: Gingerdead Man

gdm

Ahem.  Gary Busy plays an evil psychopathic cookie who tries to kill people and slings bad puns.  This statement alone is reason enough to check out this fun, classic stinker from those wacky folks at Full Moon Video – although when you add in the always wonderful, glorious, and immensely beautiful and talented Robin Sydney, its pretty mooch a slam cookie dunk!  Check out our latest PODCAST to see what the Indie Film Cafe folks had to say about this tasty treat!
:=8D

gdm1
Hey, keep yer hands outta my cookie jar, or I’ll slice ’em off!

So, evil, dopey, mom-besotted Millard Findlemeyer (Busey) robs a cafe and kills Sarah Leigh (Sydney)’s family, because why not, but gets caught and is sent to the electric chair (even though in Texas its lethal injection only – details, details…), and his mother decides to send her sons ashes to Sarah’s bakery disguised as “Grandmas Gingerbread Spice Mix”, where they get baked into s vat of cookie dough – add in a little blood from the worst named wrestler in history (The Bucher-Baker!!???!!), and some electricity, and whammo-bammo, we’ve got one crummy little cookie running around causing havoc.  Soon, the Busey-Cookie is terrorizing Sarah and her bakery buddies, chops her mother’s finger off, threatens a cute little rat, carves up evil Miss Prettyface whose father he crushes with a car, and nearly gives Hot Topic Boyfriend a run for his money – eventually he gets eaten by the Butcher-Baker, possessed him, and gets put into the oven for the final solution.  Well, that’s the way the cookie crumbles, we just can’t help it….

gdm2
Its Miss Prettyface, Not Miss Stabbyface!!!

While it drags in places, any film with an evil cookie is right up our dark scary alley, and Charles Band knows how to milk all the sugar out of this pesky pastry.  Moody and Special Guest Lenore gave the film a 6.0 on the Stinkometer, while the MooCow chocolate chipped in a score of 5.0 – that gives this flick a total Stink Score of 17, and a Stinky Average of 5.67 – not too shabby!

score

 

Need a cookie sampler?  Check out the trailer HERE.  Buy it direct from Full Moon with the rest of your snacks right HERE.  You can buy the moovie from Amazon HERE, or go baker’s dozen and get the Gingerdead Man trilogy box set right HERE!  And for you sick little monkeys who want, need, and desire an 8″ resin stature of the evil cookie himself, in all his sweet gingery glory, you need to go HERE.  YOU need the French poster – yes you do, get it HERE.  And lastly, there is a Gingerdead Man comic, because of course there is – check it out HERE.

the-gingerdead-man-sarah
The REAL Miss Prettyface…

Well, if there is no room in yer life for a killer cookie moovie, I dunno what hope there is for you.  But if there is, then don’t be a cream puff, slap down a little dough and check out this comedic cookie caper while the sheet is still hot!

;=8)