Hey ho, its PUMAMAN!!!
:=8D
R u old enough to remember an incredibly stupid, cheap, and silly tv show from the early 80’s called “Greatest American Hero”? Well…THIS IS EVEN WORSE!!! This moovie is about a geeky, spindly dork in a cheap costume who flies about a rear-projection sound stage, to home-made casio-disco moosic, defeating a leathery-looking Donald Pleasence (“Halloween”, “You Only Live Twice”, “THX 1138”) with his ‘puma powers’, who has stolen a cheap gold foil mask in order to brainwash the world through plastic heads with wires. Well heckers YEAH!!! Check out the latest episode of Indie Film Cafe, where Moody, the MooCow, and special guest Just Jenn (who requested this stink bomb) yap about this weird, stinky cheeser!
Oh dear! Words simply cannot convey the jaw-dropping cheapness and absurd stupidity of this awful Italian import that’s cheesier than a cat covered in parmesan. Walter George Alton (10, Heavenly Bodies) plays Puma Man, easily the worst, lamest, saddest “super-hero” ever filmed. These are his “super powers”: he floats awkwardly through a rear-projection set at around 3 miles an hour via a string tied to his narrow butt; with the aforementioned string, he hops about like some demented, fur-less rabbit; his fingers are claws that can rend aluminum and paper-mache bricks; he can sort of “walk” off the scene (off camera) and appear magically someplace else(somewhere else on-camera again); his awesome “puma vision” allows him to see everything in bright red. The MooCow dares you not to laugh yer fool head off upon viewing any one of these so-called “powers”, especially the oh-so-realistic flight.
But our hero is not alone. Square-headed Vidinho, played by Miguel Angel Fuentes (The Bermuda Triangle, Caveman, Fitzcarraldo), an “Aztec” high priest who cowmoonicates with the gods (space aliens), and tosses people out of windows & demands they try on belts just for kicks, is our would-be hero’s ally/side-kick/teacher. It is he who teaches Puma Man the powerful super secret Puma Man mantra which harnesses the powers of the cosmos for Puma Man: “Every man is a god, every man is free”. He is clearly Pewmaymen!
We also have Sydne Rome (Sundance and the Kid, Sex with a Smile, Just a Gigolo), who plays plays Jane Dobson, a useless blonde twit of a love-interest. Poor Donald Pleasence has to try and act menacing while hiding behind an aluminum foil mask painted gold. All of these cosmic forces collide in “Puma Man”, resulting in easily the feeblest fantasy flick this cow has seen since “Jack Frost”(Mazorko).
Well the scores are in, kids, and this flick isn’t just stinky, its a PHEW-ma!! Just Jenn and the MooCow generously awarded the film 9’s each, while Moody went right for that bag of 10’s and tossed one out like it was nothing. That give our moovie a total Stink Score of 28, and a Stinky Average of 9.3! On the Ladder of Stink that puts Pumaman right in line with a whole bunch of udder stink bombs too many to list. Not quite a 30, surprisingly, but very, very close!
Check out the trailer right HERE. See for free on YouTube; it is, of course, one of the moore beloved MST3K’s ever made, so you can also see that version HERE. The normal version of the film is notoriously difficult to find, BUT if you ge the MST3K version you get the standard version too – and you can git yer hooves on that from Uncle Amazon or Shout Factory. You can also get the MST3K digital HERE. Sadly, the moovie is unreleased on blu ray as of yet, but you can rent the Event Replay of the Pumaman Tribute from Gizmodo, which features new SURGICALLY ENHANCED print, presented in glorious upscaled HD!!! You can get the digital of various forms of the poster HERE; Cinematerial.com has loads of them too. The Finnish poster is for SUPERFLYINGMAN!! :=8D And you can get the original Turkish Poster, the original Lebanese poster, Here too, Puma posters everywhere! Get the Lobby card!
TeePublic has tee shirts, coffee mugs, pins, and all kinds of merch for all of you Puma needs! And, of course, you NEED that amazing theme song and soundtrack! There is even a Pumaman FIGURE to cowllect! There is even Pumaman FANART! AND prints for sale! Everyone loves Pumaman!!!
:=8D
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